Zoe Saldana Wants New Breasts and Can Open Her Own Jars

In the February issue of Lucky Magazine, Zoe Saldana wants us to know she’d like to get a boob job before she dies even though she doesn’t like fake things. She tells the mag, “My whole life I’ve been obsessed with breasts. I love them. I don’t like fake things, but I wouldn’t mind buying myself a pair before I die. When I hear men say, ‘I don’t want droopy breasts,’ I think, ‘I’m sorry, you’re not really a man.’ A man likes a woman as she is. You know when you meet a real man from the way he talks about a woman. You just go, ‘Wow, you’re a man’.” Living with her must be so confusing.

She goes on to say she can open her own jars. Like, really, stop trying to open that jar for her, asshole. “I like looking strong. I don’t need someone to open the door for me. I can open a jar! For some reason, dressing very delicately brings out a fragility that compels people to help you and, I don’t like it.”

I hate when people show me common courtesy too. It’s like, I can open my own damn door, jerk. What? You think you’re better than me because you know how to push a piece of glass? Whatever, man.