Cops Probably Have Justin Bieber Dick Picks

Police raided Justin Bieber’s house and seized everything that could be used as evidence against him in the egging incident. This includes his cellphone which has Justin massively worried.

Sources say Justin is concerned that cops will find texts about drugs. He’s not worried about being charged so much as he’s worried that the texts will leak out tarnishing his image. Though I don’t think it’s possible to think any less of him.

Justin is also worried about possible nude pics on his phone. The cops should be more worried about having Bieber dick pics than he is. That tiny rumble they hear? That’s the sound of 1,000 wailing pubescent teens running over to the police station hoping to get a glimpse of the pics.

Oh and don’t worry confused tweens. Justin won’t be deported to Canada even if he’s a felon. Because they don’t want him. Their exact words were, “He’s your problem now.”