Kim Kardashian Writes a Letter to Future Self, I Turned It Into a Poem

In cahoots with Glamour magazine, Kim Kardashian just published a video letter to her future self. The video follows Kim clearly fake typing a letter to herself while making overly theatrical facial expressions to her letter-reading narration. Because of this behavior and her extreme Kim-Kardashian-ness, the video, clocking in at around 2 minutes, is clearly worth watching.

Now, if you can’t bring yourself to listen to Kim’s version of events, I summarized them in an iambic pentameter poem below, enjoy.

‘Twas a letter to her future and all through her life
Kim Kardashian was reflecting on being a wife.
And a mother to North who will then be pre-teen,
Wishes for patience so she won’t have to scream.

“May science invent a mysterious juice
delicious and green retaining my youth!
And to keep me tan and always keen,
I hope to still be the contouring queen!”

When it comes to your body, to yourself be kind
and enjoy how you look with your rockin’ behind.
Now to your whole family, let yourself dish,
give each of your sisters a personal wish:

“A man for Khloe,
Halted babies for Kourt,
still model for Kendall,
Ky I give my support”

Now return to Kim things like positive vibes,
to ignore the haters’ mean and cruel jibes.
Remember to call your mom every day!
Let family vacations be still underway.

Take a moment to wonder into your future, so merry!
“Are you still Keeping Up with out ev’ feeling wary?”
“Still decorating your dream home? Are selfies still cool?”
“If you’re not a hund-bill’ on Insta, it’d be a misrule!”
“Are the terms ‘Bae’ and ‘On fleek’ so two-thousand-fifteen?”
“Will being called one of those just sound outright obscene?!”

Sealed with a kiss, don’t open till twenty-twenty-five,
The answers of your future life will so soon arrive!
With that watch Kim finish without even a clammer
A big shout and thanks to the magazine Glamour!