Sharon Stone Calls Her Ass a ‘Bag of Flapjacks’. Go Ahead and Eat It Out

Sharon Stone needs your help. She can’t find a date to save her life. Could it be she’s 57 and it’s not 1992 anymore? Maaaybe. According to Stone though, it’s because men think she’s a lesbian. Perhaps if she convinced them she was bisexual, it’d be better.

Stone interviewed with Harper’s BAZAAR and revealed a whole bunch of interesting details, like her lack of love life and how her aneurysm back in 2001 still messes her up. Oh, and she took off all her clothes. Basically, she turned the issue into a Match.com profile.

She touches on her brain aneurysm that caused cerebral bleeding for nine days (yeesh…) and took her two years to relearn how to walk and talk. Damn, brain damage. Not gonna make fun of that. Anyone with half a brain can see that that’s not cool to do.

Stone guest starred on Law & Order: Special Victims Unit in 2010. Notable because number one, she used to be a hot shot movie star and then decades later, finds herself on a TV crime show. Talk about coming back down to earth. Second, that pesky brain aneurysm caused her to keep forgetting her lines.

“That was humiliating,” the actress recalls. “Having worked with the finest people in the industry, I was like, ‘Wow, I’m really at the back of the line here. I’m wearing L’eggs panty hose, and in makeup they start out by putting this white primer on my face.’ I’m like, ‘This is so bad. What did I do to deserve this?’ ”

The situation had to do in part with an aneurysm that Stone suffered in 2001 and a subsequent cerebral hemorrhage that lasted nine days. She emerged from the hospital stuttering, limping, and unable to read. Over the next few years, her marriage to journalist Phil Bronstein fell apart, and she lost custody of their adopted son, Roan, then eight.

Basically, Stone was living out a country song. Did her dog die too? Surely her dog died.

This brain hemmorhage was no joke.

As she recalls it, she felt unwell for three days before she went to the emergency room. It turned out she’d had a stroke, and she lost consciousness soon after being admitted. “When I came to, the doctor was leaning over me. I said, ‘Am I dying?’ And he said, ‘You’re bleeding into your brain,’ ” she remembers.

“I was hemorrhaging so much that my brain had been pushed into the front of my face,” she says. Surgeons ultimately repaired the artery with 22 platinum coils.

Let me repeat that, platinum coils. She has a stove burner in her head. Is that what it means? Oh, wait, platinum. Now, I’m imagining the Terminator.

Stone also wishes her love life would improve.

“I never get asked out,” she laments. “It’s so stupid. I don’t know what to do.” Lately, she says, “I’ve been getting more brazen with flirting, but I don’t think men realize that I’m flirting. They just think, Oh, she’s fun!” She turns to her longtime assistant and asks, “Do you think people even realize I’m straight? I think they have questions about it because I have so many lesbian friends right now.”

She also says her ass looks like “a bag of flapjacks”. What do 57-year old flapjacks feel like? Perhaps sadness.