Gwyneth Paltrow’s 2015 GOOP Gift Guide Includes $90,000 Space Exploration

I’m gonna fight Gwyneth Paltrow. #Fisticuffs

Her lifestyle website, Goop, unveiled its annual holiday gift guide on Thursday, November 12. It involves some ridiculously expensive and just plain ridiculous gift ideas. I don’t know who the intended audience of this site even is. According to Paltrow, it’s a site for everyone, with a wide range of suggestions to suit every price point, but including Space Exploration and $6 on similar gift lists is just kinda salting the wound. Also, the kind of people that can even afford her high-priced bullshit suggestions probably hire a guy to buy all their Christmas gifts for them anyway.

Goop‘s list feels less like a Holiday Gift Guide and more like her brand rubbing incredible wealth in the faces of us peasants, who Paltrow claims she’s so in tune with.

How about giving someone $956 worth of toiletries to wash their balls with for Christmas? If you’ve got some extra change in your pocket, you can grab your boo a $40,000 sound machine. Or, if you want to have your personal shopper pick you up a real status symbol, you can nab a $46,000 Hermes Mah-Jong set for an acquaintance so they can really be impressed by you.

Gag me with a silver spoon. Then again, what more can you expect from a woman who has a team of assistants to raise her children, works two months out of the year, and considers herself a ‘working mother‘?

While $90,000 space exploration brought to you be Neiman Marcus (which the Goop team admits, they are unsure of exactly how in the hell that even works) is the most outlandish thing on the list, it’s not even the most expensive. How about a pair of 18-karat gold dumbbells that cost $125,000? You know, just something small and thoughtful to show you care?

I hope Paltrow splurges on those babies because she’ll need to pack on the poundage for when we fight.