You can’t keep a good bachelor down. Recently, Leonardo DiCaprio broke up with Sports Illustrated model Kelly Rohrbach.
E! Online said at the time:
“This is a really busy time for both of them,” the source said. “They are both just so busy that it was hard to make a relationship work.”
Haha. Yea, ok, good job PR person for Kelly Rohrbach.
DiCaprio’s reasoning? He just shrugged his shoulders and said, “Bro. C’mon. I’m Leo DiCaprio, a Hollywood star.”
Rohrbach also hit DiCaprio’s magic number. The magic number being 25, as in 25 years old, as in don’t be more than that to date DiCaprio.
DiCaprio needs a mate. I’m here to help you, bro. Just make me an honorary member of your Pussy Posse. That’s still a thing, right?
I culled these seven models using an intense, research method called “Erection as Divining Rod.” It’s a thesis I’m doing at UCLA. No one knows about the independent studies class I’m doing. Not even the professors. That’s how deep I am.
They all meet DiCaprio’s critera: under 25 years old, blonde [Ed. note: since he only dates blondes] (or bleached blondes) and models. That lucky, lucky guy…
1. Nadine Leopold
Leopold comes from Austria and models for IMG. She recently dumped Harry Styles because he kept playing games with her. QUIIIT PLAYING GAMES WITH MYYYY HEART…WITH MY HEAAAART.
“She felt like he needed to make more of an effort to see her. She just didn’t feel like he was taking their relationship seriously enough, and basically she doesn’t have time for any games in her life.”
She also likes Star Wars. Heyyy..
How could I say no.. I just had to have my own bb8 pic.twitter.com/XtVHVfro9f
— Nadine Leopold (@NadineLeopold) December 21, 2015
2. Devon Windsor
I'm honestly so grateful, and stunned to be part of such an amazing production. Looking around, and being in this group of inspirational and hard-working women, makes me wonder if I'm living in a dream. Someone pinch me because this can't be real life ! Thank you to everyone that's involved in this huge show. It has been an amazing year…
Windsor grew up in St. Louis, which gives credence to the Midwestern Model Theory.
She’s walked the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show and done Balmain ads.
Windsor will compete on a celebrity cookoff show with Gigi Hadid. Strange, because models don’t eat? That’s like asking vegetarians to film their own hunting shows.
3. Hannah Ferguson
Red alert here, Leo. Ferguson turns 24 this year on May 5th. Could you handle someone so close to 25? That’s pretty borderline.
Ferguson is also a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model. That makes me think DiCaprio already knows her. Maybe she really is next?
She also posed topless for the SI Swimsuit issue. If you wanna check out the goods, go here.
4. Solveig Mørk Hansen
Been hearing this name a lot lately. Hansen does topless photos a LOT. DiCaprio’s on his radar, only because models actually do talk about him. Why wouldn’t they I guess. She’s from Denmark which is a country she makes me want to visit again and again.
5. Allison Holton
Holton’s a Harvard graduate with a major in bioengineering and a minor in Japanese. I just made that up. It could be true though. She’s 20 which gives DiCaprio five years to decide if commitment is something he’ll ever accept.
6. Caroline Lowe
Lowe grew up in Florida. Just like Charlotte McKinney! GQ did a post on her titled “Caroline Lowe’s Instagram Feed Is the Most Fun You Can Have on Your Phone.” Uh, ok? We’ll be the judge.
DiCaprio’s got an in with her. Lowe named The Great Gatsby her fav book from high school. Hear that Leo? HIGH SCHOOL! She still remembers high school!!
Her Instagram has got some variety. I did not have the most fun on my phone though, so GQ owes me three minutes back in my life.
I’ll also ignore the pic of her kissing her boyfriend in her feed because that would fuck up my list!
Yea, it’s coo.
7. Hana Jirickova
I’ll put in Jirickova as a wild card here. She’s almost at the 25 yo cut off. Scroll through her Insta feed though. Jirickova’s one of those artsy types.
Sketching naked people. Or as I like to call it, sex.
Jirickova got talent. According to Vogue, she:
studied at the Prague Institute of Art and as well as her hometown, Brno. She uses oil on canvas, and also paints on a wood and cardboard. Her Instagram account is dotted with everything from sketches of people on the street to nude paintings.
Maybe her and DiCaprio can go off and make deep, artsy films.
There you go. Seven models perfect for Leonardo DiCaprio to dump in two to three years.