You ready for me to take the piss out of some wealthy, hot, successful people?

That’s what I fucking thought.

5. Cate Blanchett

This talented actress looked like she cut the hair off a thousand My Little Pony dolls and glued them to her body in this super weird Givenchy dress, that came compete with nipple tassels and a tail.

How many plastic ponies must die, Cate? Where does it end?

4. Jane Fonda

While I know retro is in, this Jurassic Park looking ruffles on this dress are probably a little too old school.

She still hotter than me, tho.

3. Eva Longoria

I’ve heard of getting dressed in the dark, but this dress straight up looks like it was designed in the dark. From the waist up this looks like a shirt your mom bought on sale at Old Navy. From the waist down it just looks fucking confused. The stiff fabric? The cut up the front that looks like some kind of aquatic creature’s birthing slit? What???

2. America Ferrera

Who wants to go to prom with America Fererra? Me. 100%. I don’t even care that this dress looks like a bottle of mustard with rhinestones decorating the squeezy part. Pls go to prom with me, America?

1. Maril Davis

This dress is almost impressively horrible. It’s like some asshole went, “You know what’s cool? Cut outs, see-through accents, short formal dresses, strategic ruffles, high necklines, and tousled hair? Let’s fix that. After today, none of these things will be cool anymore.”