Three Ways to Avoid Crappy People
There’s a reason I don’t leave my house… I fucking hate people. They’re fine in the abstract. We all have a right to life. Some of us can create some awesome art, but to share air and personal space with another person, 9 times out of 10, it’s disappointing.
Because the Internet is the widest source of validation known to humanity right now, of course people understand that on the off chance I do leave my house, I’m looking for #ExtremeWaysToAvoidPeople. I usually opt for the traditional resting bitch face, headphones, avoid eye contact or engage palpable disinterest, and 98% of the time, it really does work. But like condoms… sometimes there’s a foil in the plan.
Naturally with Twitter as a source of inspiration, I will take a page out of this wondrous book.
Option A: Channel animal instinct
#ExtremeWaysToAvoidPeople
Learn advanced ninja skills pic.twitter.com/JmikaspLKn— Todd Only Knows (@tr_wildebeest) January 12, 2016
Option B: Go incognito
Like this? pic.twitter.com/ZIcWsYVrLR
— €mm€tt C@$$id¥ (@de_emmett) January 12, 2016
Dress like the Verizon guy & keep asking everyone "Can you hear me now?" @TheHashtagGame #ExtremeWaysToAvoidPeople pic.twitter.com/WPE2qEwYuL
— Mark International Dittelman of Mystery (@TheDittel) January 12, 2016
Option C: Be the worst
hide #ExtremeWaysToAvoidPeople pic.twitter.com/J3Epb4PwQW
— Emerson Red 👹s (@russell_herndon) January 12, 2016
Slap this on the bumper of your car. #extremewaystoavoidpeople pic.twitter.com/btyAsJphMb
— The Chud Report (@TheChudReport) January 12, 2016
But overall, the best possible avoidance tactic: Stay away and on the off chance a Jehovah’s witness finds you, ignore ignore ignore.
