Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris’ Bland Ass Love Has Truly Stood the Test of Time

Anyone else surprised that these bland fucks didn’t Snapchat proof of their wild 3.5 minute obligatory missionary position first anniversary sex?

Considering that Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris are the only full grown adults outside of a mid 90’s teen romcom  I’ve ever seen that appear to be in constant homecoming king and queen mode, I’m shocked they didn’t.

I’m, however, not surprised by their anniversary gifts to each other.

T-swift gave her future husband a cake that looks like Hagrid made it.

SOS: @CalvinHarris posted a video Snapchat with @taylorswift13 celebrating their one year anniversary together! 🎂 🌹 pic.twitter.com/w3qgbsa5R1

— Taylor Swift Updates (@SwiftNYC) March 6, 2016

Yawn.

And Harris gave the future mother of his equally bland children, whose names will all start with “J”, a heart shaped locket that looks like he ripped it off the neck of a 13-year-old girl who originally put a picture of Justin Bieber in it.

Double yawn.