As details continue to emerge surrounding the tragic events Sunday morning at Orlando’s Pulse night club, it seems to only get sadder. Sure, 49 people are dead. Sure, it’s the deadliest mass shooting in United States history. Sure, it’s another instance where someone who probably shouldn’t have access to assault weapons used an assault weapon to become a grim reaper. But what makes this tragic instance all the more tragic are the hints the Omar Mateen, our shooter, was less lashing out in the name of religion and more so acting upon his own self-loathing for his own gay leanings.
And it seems to be pretty heavily corroborated. His ex-wife says he’s super gay with some super gay tendencies. As per the Daily Mail:
A gay man who attended the police academy in 2006 with Mateen said that the pair went out to gay bars and that at one point Mateen told the man he wanted to pursue a relationship.
The man was not openly gay at the time, so he declined the offer. But obviously that wasn’t the only reason.
He just wanted to fit in and no one liked him.
A number of other men from Pulse say they remember seeing him or conversing with him on Grindr, Jack’d and other gay hook up apps. Orlando gay man Cord Cedeno experienced a grave revelation while interviewing with MSNBC:
I recognized him off Grindr. He’s been there [Pulse] several times. I know that for a fact.
Another man, Kevin West, says that the two maintained a rather regular correspondence in which Mateen often asked if the clubs were ‘popping.’ West also shares the most jarring detail of the night. He had seen Mateen arrive at the club shortly after 1AM, just an hour before the deadly attack.
They exchanged pleasantries and Mateen went on to do his deed. Part of me wants to believe that Mateen was just a misunderstood gay man with vile tendencies. It doesn’t excuse what he did in any capacity, but why shouldn’t we look back on this and think we could have done better for him too?
But a larger part of me wants to think that he wasn’t scouting potential hook-ups or thinking about spreading his big gay wings, but instead was scavenging for the best night to hit. The most repulsive of the bunch for him. He grew up in his home with a father who upon hearing of his death posted to Facebook:
homosexuals will be punished by God.
I would do anything to feel safe in this world, but I don’t. For once this isn’t a personal problem. We’re all fighting for our lives right now. And what is there to be done?