Rihanna Wants to Be Brad Pitt’s Rebound

This is not news, because almost everyone on earth wants to be Brad Pitt’s rebound.

So what if he has allegedly has drug and anger problems? I wanted to f**k him when I was like 12 and my vagina can’t tell if the Brad Pitt fucking it is a jackoff. According to Star Magazine, Rihanna is ready to get that pink dick.

The Grammy-winning 28-year-old’s so determined to land Brad, 52 — now locked in a nasty $480 million divorce war with estranged wife Angelina Jolie — she’s had a life-size portrait of the Fury star placed over her bed and tells pals, “There hangs my future husband.”

Um, yeah. Rihanna, who accidentally busts criminals and probably had her last financial advisor murdered and then made a pop song about it totally has a life sized portrait of Brad Pitt in her house.

What is she? Helga G Pataki?

Apparently she’s been waiting to tap Brad Pitt since 2012, but I have been waiting since like 1999, so I have seniority.

Thanks.