Orlando Bloom Sorry That His Dick Gets People Fired

Orlando Bloom needs to put his schlong away before more people lose their jobs. A few days ago came word of Bloom’s one-night stand with waitress Viviana Ross.

Ross worked at Chiltern Firehouse in London’s West End when Bloom came in. According to a source, there were instant sparks. Naturally, they boned.

Somehow, her manager found her in Orlando’s bed and fired her for “fraternising with clients.” Whaaa? First off, this is from The Sun. They left out why her manager finds her in Orlando’s bed. Seems like an important detail.

Afterwards, Bloom found out about Ross’ firing. Ever the gentleman, he got her number (because they never exchanged numbers during their night together) and called to make sure she was okay. What does one say in this situation?

“He just said, ‘I am sorry about what happened.’”

Did he tap his chest and say “my bad”?

In any case, Ross has no regrets. She said she “had an amazing time and his body was very good. He was an exceptionally good lover.”

By body, she meant, his dick. That dick that flops around while he naked paddleboards.

Here’s Bloom’s one-night stand.