Ryan Reynolds Is Deadpool Is Bob Ross Is High On Cocaine
Gather round ye children. It’s time for Thanksgiving storytime with Uncle Deadpool. Pay close attention as he’ll give you life and relationship advice that you won’t find anywhere else. He’ll also teach you how to paint more than just hand turkeys.
Alright, so the first official teaser for Deadpool 2 doesn’t reveal a whole lot, but I did learn to do cocaine and whack off. That’s something, right? Let’s see what the description of the movie has to say.
After surviving a near fatal bovine attack, a disfigured cafeteria chef (Wade Wilson) struggles to fulfill his dream of becoming Mayberry’s hottest bartender while also learning to cope with his lost sense of taste. Searching to regain his spice for life, as well as a flux capacitor, Wade must battle ninjas, the yakuza, and a pack of sexually aggressive canines, as he journeys around the world to discover the importance of family, friendship, and flavor – finding a new taste for adventure and earning the coveted coffee mug title of World’s Best Lover.
This sounds a lot like Master of None meets Rush Hour.
Longtime followers of Ryan Reynolds probably weren’t surprised by Deadpool’s imitation of Bob Ross.
Bob Ross is very calming. 5 min into this show, it feels like you've been fucked to death by a thousand pillows. pic.twitter.com/UMazluwLui
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) January 17, 2017
That tweet was sent way back in January and is his pinned tweet on his Twitter profile. What a sneaky guy, he is.
My secret to a proper stuffing? Gentle hands, heavy eye contact, and bundles of thyme. #DeadHouseKeeping #Deadpool pic.twitter.com/WOhhmkJJe3
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) November 9, 2017
Thanksgiving in our house is a glorious, non-stop car accident set to the music of cocaine. pic.twitter.com/ngCdgtpgct
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) November 9, 2017
Look at Cable in that poster. I honestly couldn’t tell if that was Josh Brolin or a young Arnold Schwarzenegger. I’m just sad that Stan Lee is apparently dead based on him being a photo and not a person at the Thanksgiving table.
Deadpool 2 isn’t scheduled to hit theaters until next summer. Assuming he’s not accused of sexual harassment between now and then.
