Gwyneth Paltrow Got Her Teenaged Son a Boob Puzzle

If there’s one thing teenage boys love, it’s boobs. If there’s one thing that teenage boys hate, it’s when their mothers acknowledge that they know teenage boys are horny and obsessed with boobs. So your mom buying you a boob puzzle when you’re 14 is probably something of a mixed bag, which is something Page Six reports Gwyneth Paltrow actually did, because of course she did.

The 450-piece Jiggy puzzle, titled “Boobs,” was designed by Brooklyn-based freelance illustrator Julia Heffernan, and features drawings of breasts of various shapes, sizes and colors. It costs $40.

For Christ’s sake, $40? Pornhub Premium is only $10 a month and has way more and better boobs. And I know what you’re going to say, “Oh, you can’t let 14-year-olds watch porn,” but just save it; I watched plenty of porn when I was 14 and grew up to be a perfectly normal, healthy, well-adjusted sex addict.

I mean, honestly, if anything your mom buying you a boob jigsaw puzzle is just going to ruin boobs for you.

Paltrow also said this about people like us who constantly make fun of her for being so… Gwyneth Paltrow.

“The people who are triggered by me — ‘I don’t like her because she is pretty and she has money’ — it’s because they haven’t given themselves permission to be exactly who they are,” she said.

Okay, first of all, no one makes fun of you because you’re “pretty and have money.” You’re not even that pretty, did you confuse yourself with Heather Graham? That happens to me all the time, then go “oh wait, no, Heather Graham is the hot talented one, not the crazy one.”

No, people make fun of you because you’re dumb as dog s**t and tell people to put eggs in their vaginas instead of vaccinating their kids.