2020 is Looking Up: We Finally Get a Year Without a Marvel Movie

I like the Marvel movies by which I mean Marvel has made a few really good movies, a bunch of very okay movies and Captain Marvel. They also made two Spider-Man movies that don’t really feel like Spider-Man movies but do feel like Iron Lad movies, and Spider-Man is my favorite character, so it makes me very mad but then I’ll watch Captain America: The Winter Soldier and all is forgiven.

My biggest problem with the Marvel movies is that there are too many of them and they’ve all started to feel the same, almost like they’re store brand potato chips in a white bag with black letters.

One of those problems has been solved, however, as Disney announced they’re delaying Black Widow yet again, pushing it back all the way to May 2021. They clearly did not make enough money on Mulan and so we’re not going to see any of these super-expensive Marvel films until there’s a COVID vaccine.

This has the knock-on effect of delaying all the other Marvel movies, which really has to suck if you’re Eternals’ Kumail Nanjiani and you’re waiting for your big break to hit theaters so you can become a serious movie star and finally get that way hotter second wife.

The end result here is that 2020 will forever be known as the year without a Marvel movie. And frankly, it’s about time, three of these things a year every year has just been way too many, especially when two of those were Captain Marvel and Avengers: Endgame. I’m thinking that a little time away will make these movies an enjoyable experience to come back to once you’ve gotten enough distance to forget about their many, many flaws, kind of like having sex with an ex-girlfriend.

It’s pretty funny that right after Disney bought Fox to become a virtual monopoly of motion pictures a global pandemic absolutely wrecked all the ways their company makes money. That huge $35 million haul from New Mutants is basically all that’s keeping the company afloat.

And of course, we all know that no matter how much I s**t on Marvel movies, the second they announce an X-Men movie I’m going to physically fight anyone who says a bad word about it.