New York City Reveals Latest Victim of COVID: Orgies

The COVID-19 pandemic has killed over a million people worldwide, and it’s getting much, much worse as we head into winter and the traditional cold and flu season. My area has had more positive cases in the past month than it had previously had since the outbreak began at the beginning of the year, and the relatively modest severity until now has led to a lot of complacency, but there is still some guideline you should follow to stay safe; for example, don’t get into a big naked pile with a bunch of strangers and f**k each other.

I would have thought that one wouldn’t be a particular problem but it turns out that I underestimated the sex drive of people who like to get into a big naked pile and f**k, because TMZ reports New York City just shut down an underground swingers club that was operating in violation of health and safety guidelines. Of course, anyone who can have sex with a stranger while maintaining six feet of physical distance should be in the Guinness Book of World Records.

The cops say they found three couples having sex in a small room — apparently, this swinger joint — which goes by Caligula, of all names — has services for that if you’re looking to get busy. The Sheriff’s Office even snapped a shot of one of those rooms, plus a price sheet going over rates, and what looks like a box of condoms!

Now when they say “a box of condoms” they don’t mean the twelve-pack of trojans you pick up on the way to the hotel to meet your high school girlfriend while her husband is out of town; they mean a box like you would put your pots and pans in when you were moving to a new apartment.

There was a fine for the owner, who was also serving booze illegally because why not turn your sex speakeasy into an actual speakeasy? They probably should have let that one slide, anyone who gets fucked by half a dozen strangers on a mattress in the back room at a place called Caligula deserves a stiff drink afterward. TMZ points out the orgy patrons were much more polite than a group of businesspeople also in violation of the meeting ordinance.

This is almost a complete 180 from what went down in neighboring Buffalo just the night prior — when Sheriff’s deputies and county health workers tried barging in on a packed business meeting to shut it down, only to get chased off by the mob.

The people at that business meeting were all wearing pants, so it was probably just easier for them to fight back.