The Blemish » What Better than a slap to the face Tue, 18 Nov 2014 20:27:44 +0000 en-US hourly 1 Seals are Raping King Penguins Tue, 18 Nov 2014 19:39:15 +0000 On Marion Island in the sub-Antarctic, scientists have begun witnessing fur seals coercing king penguins into 45 minutes of not so consensual sex. For the non-believers, they caught it all on film.

The deviant act was witnessed for the first time in 2006. Back then, they speculated it may be because the seal was either sexually frustrated or inexperienced. Or an aggressive predatory act. Or a playful one that turned sexual. However, new incidents have cropped up since then.

On three separate occasions, a research team led by William A. Haddad and de Bruyn spotted young male seals sexually coercing what appeared to be healthy penguins of unknown gender.

Two incidents occurred on Goodhope Bay, and one on Funk beach. The incident in 2006 occurred on a different beach again, called Trypot.

“This really made us sit up and take notice,” said de Bruyn, of the new sightings.

Each time this happened, the seal chased, captured and mounted the penguin. The seal then began pounding away and may have even managed to penetrate the penguin’s cloaca. In three of the four incidents, the seal let the penguin go. In the fourth incident, the seal ate the penguin.

Scientists are now theorizing the act is a learned behavior among seals of the island. So, yea, the seals are turning into rapists. That’s why fur seals are now known as the Bill Cosbys of the ocean.

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You Should Watch ‘Gymkhana Seven’ Tue, 18 Nov 2014 00:28:07 +0000 Gymkhana Seven is a new video from Ken Block, one of the founders of DC Shoes, who now drives cars for a living. Well, driving cars is an understatement. He drives cars the same way Homer Simpson eats donuts. With precision and accuracy. His latest video takes us through the streets of LA in a custom 1965 all-wheel drive Mustang with over 800 hp. It’s nuts to say the least.

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Italians Accidentally Set Off Fireworks All at Once Fri, 14 Nov 2014 19:48:32 +0000 During a fireworks show earlier this year in Italy, a little mishap occurred when every single firework went off at once. You had one job, firework guys! The uploader says not to worry because some shrubbery protected the audience from most of the sharpnel. Yea, you see those vines? Perfect for keeping you safe from exploding bits of metal.

Still, not as awesome as the big San Diego debacle of ’12. That one is still the most beautiful fireworks screwup.

(H/T Gawker)

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Archer Has the Best Kim Kardashian Butt Meme Fri, 14 Nov 2014 07:02:42 +0000 Pack it up. It’s over. Archer has come up with the best response to Kim Kardashian’s nude Paper magazine spread. While Kim Kardashian’s ass broke the internet, the coke-snorting, bareknuckle boxing Pam Poovey has shown her ass in order to fix the internet. Is it working yet?!


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We’re Talking About This Scientist’s Shirt Now Thu, 13 Nov 2014 17:44:42 +0000 We landed a probe on a comet yesterday and that stunning feat is great and all, but the biggest news in the coming days will be a scientist’s ugly shirt. Matt Taylor, of the European Space Agency’s Rosetta Project, was interviewed about the groundbreaking achievement wearing a vomit-inducing shirt featuring scantily clad women. That’s the kind of shirt you can’t even give away for free at a yard sale. Rose Eveleth from The Atlantic thinks it’s misogynistic in addition to being ugly.

While no one is going to be agreeing on whether or not the shirt is actually offensive to women, one thing people will agree on is that is the ugliest thing they’ve ever seen. He looks like he should have hydraulics installed on him.

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This Video Marks the End of Twerking Wed, 12 Nov 2014 22:15:50 +0000 Alright, I’m done. There’s no way I can enjoy another twerking video without this running through my head. Thanks. Thanks a lot.

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This Woman Live-Tweeted an Awesome Tinder Date Wed, 12 Nov 2014 20:52:39 +0000 Carrie Mantha was sitting at a restaurant bar in Manhattan eating dinner when the dating fairies gave her a magical gift. A conversation between two people on a Tinder date. She described the man as “40, kind of generically good-looking, casual but well-dressed with a definitively preppy style” and that he embraced “every stereotype.” Like anyone would, she decided to live-tweet the thrilling conversation.

The guy seems like quite the catch as he starts off with a dad joke.

He then admits to this being his third Tinder date of the day. One more and he may need to get some help.

For whatever reason, he tells his date that he has a daughter he’s not providing for. I’m not sure that was the smartest move.

He goes on to brag about how this date is third on his list for today.

This guy isn’t just a socialite either. He’s got serious investors. *taps on pocket calculator*

Obviously wet from that exchange, the girl goes to the bathroom. The guy proceeds to open up Tinder.

He’s also really into fighter planes for whatever reason.

At one point, her called Obama “the Trojan horse of Islam.” The couple behind them choked on their drink. But let’s not talk politics. Let’s talk Africa and safaris and how eating lion brains will get you ebola.

Have you heard about apps? They’re the new, cool thing. He’s going to build one.

He then goes into whiny trust fund baby mode.

He has an interesting opinions on guns.

Then things get a little awkward.

You like wine? Dude has tons of wines!

His date finally tapped out.

And this is how a book deal is made.

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Woman Maces Man in Movie Theater After Suggesting She Turn Off Her Phone Tue, 11 Nov 2014 18:18:41 +0000 During a Monday night screening of Mr. Turner at the TCL Chinese theater in Hollywood, a man was maced in the face after imploring the woman in front of him to turn off her bright cellphone.

“He was saying ‘Excuse me sir, could you please turn off your screen'” over and over, the eyewitness tells Mashable (he had apparently mistaken the woman for a man). After repeating himself several times, and without a response, the man then tapped the woman on the shoulder.

The woman reacted angrily to being touched, and “flipped out” on him, the eyewitness said. “She stands up and starts cursing, saying ‘You hit me, you hit me, I’m going to call the police.” She then turned the phone’s flashlight function on and pointed it directly at the man’s face.

That’s when she took out her can of mace to defend herself from this egregious assault.

The awkward standoff lasted for nearly a minute, the witness said, and she continued shining the light even as people all around implored her to turn it off and sit down. As the man was calmly defending himself, she then told him she had mace and started digging in her bag.

Without hesitation, she took the cap off the bottle, pointed it directly in his face and sprayed him at point-blank range. The man and the woman sitting next to him sat for a moment in shock as she sat back down. As the couple left, the man slapped the woman on the arm and said something to her, the eyewitness said.

Witnesses say the woman sat back down to watch the movie for 20 minutes before security escorted her out. She did not make a scene while leaving but it was pretty awkward. No word why she lost it when some guy tapped her on the shoulder to ask her to stop annoying everyone. Maybe it’s because he kept calling her “sir”. Maybe she’s been mistaken for a man her entire life and just finally snapped. Maybe she’s just nuts.

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This Porsche Full of Coke Was Dragged Behind a Semi for 6 Miles Mon, 10 Nov 2014 08:11:38 +0000 Jian Yeh was driving in China’s Jiangxi Province when he witnessed a new $160,000 Porsche Cayenne crash into the back of a semi and become lodged underneath. The driver of the Porsche, Zhen Yin, 32, had blacked out, it seems. Shocked, Yeh honked at the truck driver, Xiong Feng, 45, trying to get his attention.

“The driver was clearly unconscious and I didn’t know if he was dead or just asleep.

“So I started beeping my horn to try and either wake him up and alert the lorry driver.”

Feng wasn’t sure what was going on and drove for 6.5 miles before another truck driver flagged him down.

“The first I became aware of anything was when I heard some loud honking beside me.

“He had his window down and was shouting something but I couldn’t hear him and then he started pointing at the back of my truck.

“But I thought he was telling me to speed up, so I did.

“Eventually though I pulled over and it was only then that I saw the car stuck on the back.”

When police responded to the scene, they discovered the driver of the Porsche was a wanted drug dealer who was transporting a trunk full of cocaine.

If you didn’t think Zhen Yin’s day could get any worse, he now faces the death penalty for illegal possession of narcotics.

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The Glow Stick Blow Up to End All Glow Stick Blow Ups Sun, 09 Nov 2014 20:18:59 +0000 Jack thinks glow sticks are cool. Jack wanted to see what happened when you heat up a glow stick. Jack put a glow stick in the microwave for 30 seconds. Jack quickly realizes this was not a good idea as it explodes over his beautiful shirt and into his eyes. This causes Jack’s dad to berate him for being a dumbass while he figures out how to keep his son from going blind. Jack will probably never play with glow sticks again.

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