The Blemish » What Better than a slap to the face Tue, 30 Sep 2014 19:15:02 +0000 en-US hourly 1 Keep It Classy, Kansas City Chief Fans Tue, 30 Sep 2014 16:53:03 +0000 The Chiefs utterly dominated the Patriots last night winning 41 – 14. Filled with a rush of euphoria, Grant Hinkle, an apparent Chiefs fan if his choice of dress is any indication, simulated face fucking a Pats fan sitting next to him with his beer bottle dick. When he finished, he started a U-S-A chant which must have really annoyed the New England Patriots fan who was clearly from Australia or Africa or something.

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Monster Truck Crashes Through Impenetrable Barrier Into Crowd Sun, 28 Sep 2014 18:46:46 +0000 At an exhibition in Haaksbergen, Overijssel on Sunday, one adult and two kids died and dozens were injured after a monster truck defied all safety measures and crashed through a railing into the crowd. Around 40 people were treated on site.

Video taken from the scene shows the driver accelerating before careening into the spectators. It’s unclear how a 12 ft tall, 9,000 lb vehicle managed to break through a 4ft steel guard railing. Who could have predicted that would happen?

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Understatement of the Year: Murderers Couldn’t Get Off on Dead Bodies Fri, 26 Sep 2014 16:05:18 +0000 Joshua Miner and Alisa Massaro stand accused of murdering Eric Glover and Terrance Rankins in Joliet, Ill. last year and having sex on top of the bodies. In a police interview played in court, Miner and Massaro say they couldn’t finish because it was weird. What? Having sex on top of two bodies in full rigor is weird now? So close-minded.

Just hours after the killings of 22-year-olds Eric Glover and Terrance Rankins, it was Massaro who first suggested having sex, Miner claimed.

“She’s like, ‘Let’s have sex,'” Miner said in the video. “And I was like, ‘Let’s have sex on the bodies.'”

Later he said it was not on them, but next to them. Nevertheless, “performance issues” got in the way, he said.

“We both couldn’t get off, plus it was weird,” he said.

No words. The only way this could be better is if he started that sentence  with, “I don’t want to sound like a queer or nothin’ but…”

(H/T Gawker)

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Passenger Jet Diverted by Solo Attempt to Join Mile High Club Fri, 26 Sep 2014 00:26:01 +0000 Earlier this week, a Virgin America flight was forced to make an emergency landing in Omaha because 26-year-old Doug Adams of Woodside, California went nuts, playing with his junk and trying to open the emergency exit.

According to witnesses, Adams was wearing a hospital bracelet and seemed to be on drugs.

LA filmmakers Sam Slater and Paul Bernon, who were sitting in the row in front of Adams, said the suspect was mumbling about trying not to be violent. Slater shot cellphone footage of Adams being taken off the plane in handcuffs by police.

It’s appropriate that Adams was flying Virgin, because had he achieved orgasm, he would’ve joined the Mile High Club while possibly remaining a virgin.

I’m sorry, but the window of opportunity for getting away with in-flight masturbation has closed. You needed to do it in the 80s or early 90s, before planes were always booked to capacity. You needed a row all to yourself, an airline blanket, years of practice touching yourself very subtly next to a sleeping wife or girlfriend, and in my case, a PopTarts wrapper.

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So What If This 5-Year-Old Can Do 90 Degree Pushups Thu, 25 Sep 2014 21:36:48 +0000 Sure, this 5-year-old has enough core and upper body strength to do pushups at a 90 degree angle, but let me ask you this, can he kick my ass?

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20-Year-Old Man Mauled by Tiger at New Delhi Zoo Wed, 24 Sep 2014 20:55:36 +0000 A disturbed man was either throwing rocks at a tiger in an enclosure or leaning over the railing of a tiger exhibit. Whatever he was doing, he lost his balance and fell into the moat of the enclosure and ended up face to face with a White Tiger. Things did not end well for him.

While the man sat there cowering and praying, bystanders began yelling and throwing rocks at the tiger to scare it away. Neither the praying nor the rock throwing worked. In fact, one witness said the stones appeared to make the tiger angrier. This fact should shock absolutely no one.

After 10 or 30 minutes, depending on which report you read, the tiger clamped down on the back of his neck and dragged him off. The force of the bite crushed his windpipe and killed him instantly.

The man’s father said he has been mentally disturbed since he was 11. Questions are also being asked about why it took almost 20 minutes for zoo officials to respond to the emergency.

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This Guy Suffers 100 Orgasms a Day Wed, 24 Sep 2014 06:22:35 +0000 A slipped disk while getting out of a chair in 2012 left Dale Decker with Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome (PSAS), a debilitating condition that causes him to suffer from around 100 orgasms a day. It’s not as great as it sounds.

The painful pelvic episodes have left him housebound and isolated through fear of suffering a public orgasm. Dale lives in Two Rivers, Wisconsin with his wife April and two sons Christian, 12 and Tayten, 11. While she does everything she can to support him, April, 33 is finding Dale’s condition just as hard to live with as he is. The horrific condition has cost Dale many of his friends and the relationship he shares with his sons has also been affected. Despite suffering from a near constant erection Dale and April rarely have sex.

I’m pretty sure I’m going to hell because I lost it when he was talking about having 10 orgasms while kneeling at his father’s funeral.

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Let a Woman Teach You How to Drink a Beer Wed, 24 Sep 2014 05:59:00 +0000 Oh, you can chug a beer in 10 seconds? That’s cute.

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That Florida Woman’s Third Boob Might Be Fake Tue, 23 Sep 2014 17:11:04 +0000 Disturbing news about our hero with the third boob. She might be lying about it. A Tampa Bay news station tried to get to the bottom of this hard-hitting story and showed up at Jasmine Tridevil’s doorstep. Tridevil agreed to an interview only if they plugged her self-produced show she hoped a cable network would pickup. Check out this young Kris Jenner we got here.

When the reporter asked to see her third breast, Tridevil quickly lifted up her shirt. When the reporter asked if she could show it for longer, she basically said we’d have to wait for the sixth episode of her show. This had a lot of skeptics yelling, “Fake! Pics or GTFO!”

The problem is, says Schulman, that this surgery will “not give the results that are shown in [Tridevil's] photos.”

“This technique would create a tight, round breast in the center of the chest,” he said. “Also, all three breasts will likely be connected because it would be impossible to create and maintain separation between all three round structures. The photos show a soft, pendulous breast that is clearly separate from the right and left breast. She essentially has a hanging breast, and it is just not reflective of what we would be able to expect from this reconstruction procedure.”

Then there’s the whole ethics thing.

“In addition to it just plain being bizarre, the potential ethical implications of performing this surgery could possibly get a real plastic surgeon in hot water with one of the two prominent plastic surgery societies, the American Society of Plastic Surgeons (ASPS) and the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery (ASAPS),”

And now this Snopes article revealing Jasmine Tridevil’s real name as Alisha Hessler who did another hoax by making a guy hold up a sign that read, “I beat women — honk if I’m a scumbag.”

With that said, this is looking more and more like a hoax. But I, for one, am still holding on to hope that one day that scene from Total Recall will become a reality.

Update: As TMZ reports, it’s a fake prosthesis.

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Woman Gets Third Breast to Appear Unattractive Mon, 22 Sep 2014 17:25:01 +0000 Jasmine Tridevil, a massage therapist from Tampa, Florida, had a third breast implanted on her chest to be less attractive. She says she isn’t interested in dating anymore. Obviously more boobs is a natural deterrent for men… said no one ever.

She also wants be a reality tv star. There’s a good chance she’s thought none of this through.

Tridevil spent $20,000 on her third boob and had to go through 50 doctors before finding one that would do the surgery.  “It was really hard finding someone that would do it too because they’re breaking the code of ethics.” Because a fake nipple couldn’t be created, she tattooed one on. Which seems really half-assed. If you’re spending $20,000 to tell everyone you’re mentally deficient, you might as well go all the way.

In a call to an Orlando radio station, she explained that her dream is to star in an MTV reality show. She’s already begun her campaign by tagging her Twitter picture with “#3boobs #MTV.”

As for her parents, they’re not too happy about the surgery. Her mother won’t talk to her and, while her father has accepted it, he’s really really disappointed.

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