The Blemish » What http://theblemish.com Better than a slap to the face Mon, 04 May 2015 21:38:08 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=4.2.1 Josh Sheehan Pulled Off a Triple Backflip on a Bike http://theblemish.com/2015/04/josh-sheehan-pulled-off-a-triple-backflip-on-a-bike/ http://theblemish.com/2015/04/josh-sheehan-pulled-off-a-triple-backflip-on-a-bike/#comments Thu, 30 Apr 2015 05:33:13 +0000 http://theblemish.com/?p=194378 Josh Sheehan’s triple backflip on a motorcycle at Pastranaland may seem impressive, but I’ll have you know I once managed to avoid stepping on a dog while carrying a sandwich to the living room.

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BART Cops Don’t Mess Around http://theblemish.com/2015/04/bart-cops-dont-mess-around/ http://theblemish.com/2015/04/bart-cops-dont-mess-around/#comments Thu, 30 Apr 2015 05:17:38 +0000 http://theblemish.com/?p=194368 Now for something a little more timely. A SF, rather, Oakland video of a BART officer slamming a drunk woman face first into concrete made it’s way to the news.

Megan Sheehan, 28, was being drunk and disorderly when she was arrested at the Lake Merritt BART station on St. Patrick’s day 2014. She allegedly struggled with police during her arrest and in the car ride to the Santa Rita Jail in Dublin (holy crap, that’s a long drive to go to jail), she peed herself and tried to wipe herself on the arresting officer, Nolan Pianta.

Things escalated at the lobby of the jail when she went through her purse and flicked a hair tie at Pianta who told her to quit it. Unlike you and I, he didn’t call out for mommy. Instead, he secured her arms and flung her face first into the ground. The ground was made of concrete as previously mentioned.

Sheehan left a face-shaped bloodstain on the ground and suffered multiple facial fractures and broken teeth. Pianta wrote in his report that he merely guided her to the ground. That word he uses. I don’t think it means what he thinks it means.

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So This Guy Ate a Cat… http://theblemish.com/2015/04/so-this-guy-ate-a-cat/ http://theblemish.com/2015/04/so-this-guy-ate-a-cat/#comments Thu, 30 Apr 2015 05:06:09 +0000 http://theblemish.com/?p=194366 I know by internet standards this video is older than the women Aaron Taylor-Johnson likes to bang… Wait, was that reference too obscure? Well, whatever. I mean this is old. Okay? Shut up.

Anyway, up on Live Leak is this video of a guy in Guatemala eating a cat. Alive. All while his buddies egg him on and, um, this is NSFL. I had to find a cat to pet and whisper “everything will be alright” after watching this.

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Watch Crackhead Impersonate Sebastian the Crab from ‘The Little Mermaid’ http://theblemish.com/2015/04/watch-crackhead-impersonate-sebastian-crab-little-mermaid/ http://theblemish.com/2015/04/watch-crackhead-impersonate-sebastian-crab-little-mermaid/#comments Mon, 27 Apr 2015 17:03:15 +0000 http://theblemish.com/?p=194267 What do you call a crackhead doing crab impersonations? Crabhead? Well, this crackhead must’ve been a thespian somewhere along the line. He got so high he ends up impersonating a crab. The guy does an admirable imitation, moving side to side and never breaking character. He even does a cartoon voice when people ask him his name and what exactly he’s doing there in the parking lot. He also throws in some voice effects for extra measure. Next up in crackhead theater, Nemo.

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The Kylie Jenner Challenge is Great at Weeding Out Idiots http://theblemish.com/2015/04/the-kylie-jenner-challenge-is-great-at-weeding-out-idiots/ http://theblemish.com/2015/04/the-kylie-jenner-challenge-is-great-at-weeding-out-idiots/#comments Tue, 21 Apr 2015 01:31:37 +0000 http://theblemish.com/?p=194097 So, people can be quite stupid. Anyone who’s doing this Kylie Jenner Challenge should look in the mirror right now and ask themselves…how dumb am I? Like sorta ditzy or full-on non-functioning? There’s a trend (sweeping the nation! news at 6!!) where kids try to get lips like Kylie Jenner by putting a bottle over their mouths, suck the air and make their lips balloon up to mimic Jenner. They’ve got those lips like Jagger (sung to Maroon 5).

Nevermind that this could lead to gangrene or loss of sensation. Anyone posting this on Twitter basically marked themselves with a scarlet letter, ‘R’, for retard.

No one explained to these kids you need a surgeon to get those Kylie lips.

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That Japanese Game Show Where Guys Karaoke While Getting Jerked Off http://theblemish.com/2015/04/that-japanese-game-show-where-guys-karaoke-while-getting-jerked-off/ http://theblemish.com/2015/04/that-japanese-game-show-where-guys-karaoke-while-getting-jerked-off/#comments Thu, 16 Apr 2015 16:20:03 +0000 http://theblemish.com/?p=194056 Damn, Japanese people always at the cutting edge of everything. Cars, electronics, game shows, masturbation, porn. Always pushing the boundaries. This Japanese game show has guys karakoe while a hot woman jerks them off. The point is to finish the song? Maybe. The real goal is be a contestant and get a free handjob.

Wheel of Fortune? Pssh..Only if Vanna White jacks you off.

https://www.youtube.com/watch&v=ZSnThV26lEE

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These Asian Car Models Should Fire Their Choreographer, but Not Their Surgeons http://theblemish.com/2015/04/these-asian-car-models-should-fire-their-choreographer-but-not-their-surgeons/ http://theblemish.com/2015/04/these-asian-car-models-should-fire-their-choreographer-but-not-their-surgeons/#comments Wed, 15 Apr 2015 01:26:41 +0000 http://theblemish.com/?p=193963 Somewhere in Asia, a choreographer had no idea what they were doing and directed these Asian car models to wing it. They do an admirable job, gyrating around, making imaginary phones with their hands and dancing to the alphabet song.

The one on the far left really takes it though. It’s like she’s having an out of body experience and trying to take herself away from the moment. A gigantic imaginary tear rolling down her surgically enhanced face. If she had a thought bubble, it’d say “I should have finished school.”

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Buckingham Palace Guard Falls on His Face, Causes England To SMH http://theblemish.com/2015/04/buckingham-palace-guard-falls-on-his-face-causes-england-to-smh/ http://theblemish.com/2015/04/buckingham-palace-guard-falls-on-his-face-causes-england-to-smh/#comments Tue, 14 Apr 2015 17:43:45 +0000 http://theblemish.com/?p=193953 Buffoons! The collective exclamation of the world when they see England’s finest soldiers act like Keystone Cops. Buckingham Palace Guards switch shifts and one dude can’t handle walking and holding his rifle at the same time. Milton! Gonna be some world class hazing going on for that fellow back at the barracks. A banana up the butt we say! Is that gay? No, it’s just hazing.

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In Russia, Dogs Drag Children Around http://theblemish.com/2015/04/in-russia-dogs-drag-children-around/ http://theblemish.com/2015/04/in-russia-dogs-drag-children-around/#comments Fri, 10 Apr 2015 17:07:08 +0000 http://theblemish.com/?p=193847 Russia, the Florida of the world. Here, a dashcam records a dog dragging a kid across the road because evidently, that’s what dogs do in Russia. All that’s missing is a Kalinka version of the Benny Hill theme song.

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Dildo Waver Running Loose on NYC Subway http://theblemish.com/2015/04/dildo-waver-running-loose-on-nyc-subway/ http://theblemish.com/2015/04/dildo-waver-running-loose-on-nyc-subway/#comments Fri, 10 Apr 2015 03:35:21 +0000 http://theblemish.com/?p=193830 Consider this a terrorist attack on our senses. Onc Asian dude’s been whipping out a foot long dildo and shaking it and jerking it off at people on the subway. In other words, just another day in New York City. From Animal:

Here’s the story, according to ANIMAL’s Aymann Ismail, who witnessed this around 9 PM on Saturday night aboard a Flatbush Avenue-bound 2 train: An older man of indeterminate ethnic origin boarded the train at Atlantic Avenue; the man seemed “fucked up on some kind of drug,” loose-limbed and sloppy. Some young men sitting next to him began making fun of him. One of the dudes took out his phone to snap a selfie with the older guy. At that point, the old man reached into his bag and pulled out a massive dildo.

The man then started waving the big black dong around, pointing it at people and pretending to jerk it off. The man also kept standing up and clenching his butt cheeks.

Then he really got into it: Every time the train pulled into a station, he’d put the dildo away, sit quietly, let people board, then whip it out and wave it around, startling the new passengers.

dildoterrorist

John Travolta really wishes he was in New York right now.

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