The Blemish

Courtney Stodden Has a Commercial

17-year-old child bride finally scored some work in Hollywood. You can now see her as a mermaid in a FreeCreditScore.com commercial. Don’t fly too close to the Sun, Courtney!

As you’d expect, they use her in the most inappropriate way possible. Because when you cast , you have to get the most mileage out of it.

After two teenage boys “catch” the mermaid with their fishing hook, she says in standard, seductive Stodden-style…

“O-M-G! I’m all wet,” she exclaims, shaking the water off her body.

Clearly pleased with what they reeled in, one of the boys declares, “I scored” as Stodden adjusts her hair and shimmies her shoulders. E! Online

First of all, of course she’s all wet. She’s a goddamn mermaid who was forcefully pulled out of her home in the ocean. You’d think she’d be more pissed about it. If I was half-fish, half-human and a bunch of stupid kids did that to me, I’d be flopping around on the ground yelling, “Hey, what the f**k, assholes. Throw me back in!”

Michael Bay Campaigns for an Oscar

When Michael Bay isn’t filming Megan Fox washing his Ferrari for his spank bank or dumping supermodels in the middle of the desert, he’s creating For Your Consideration ads like these. Transformers is nominated for Sound Editing, Sound Mixing and Visual Effects at this year’s Academy Awards and Bay really wants to win. According to him, an Oscar would look super sweet on his mantle next to his novelty beer mug and Axe body spray. Adds Bay, “And just think how much pu**y I’d score with that thing.”

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Werner Herzog on the Stupidity of Chickens

Only Werner Herzog could make something as mundane as talking about hypnotizing chickens, in one or two films he’s done, sound so ominous. He could give kids nightmares just by reading them Jack & Jill before bedtime.

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Web Finds

  • First look at Beyonce after the baby [The Superficial]
  • Boring Rooney Mara is desirable? [Lainey]
  • Karissa & Kristina Shannon make money the only way they know how [Hollywood Tuna]
  • Lonely? These guys are forced to love you [TDW]
  • Maria Menounos wanted to bang Tim Tebow [IDLYITW]
  • Daisy Lowe shows nipples for Love (NSFW) [Drunken Stepfather]
  • Eva Mendes is “creatively satisfied” [PopSugar]
  • New Miranda Kerr lingerie photos [Popoholic]

M.I.A. May Now Be Single

A couple days after giving the finger during the Super Bowl halftime show, reports are coming in that M.I.A. has split with her billionaire fiance Benjamin Bronfman. M.I.A. supposedly spends most of her time in London while Bronfman lives in New York with their 3-year-old son Ikhyd Edgar Arular Bronfman. And it seems Bronfman has already moved on.

Bronfman looked like he was on a date last week when he was spotted at the Schomburg Center for Research in Black Culture in Harlem with a beautiful woman. NYDN

Asked for comment, M.I.A. gave the finger, once again sending the nation into a state of panic. Ahh! How do we stop this foreign devil?! Someone think of the children!

Today’s News Brought to You by Allistair Overeem Dancing

Allistair Overeeem is the UFC fighter who kneed Brock Lesnar into retirement. Here he is dancing like a dork.