The Blemish

Afternoon time wasters

Oh, sure. When Rihanna does blackface for her video it’s edgy and artsy. When I do it at a NAACP event, I get weird looks. Maybe I’m doing it wrong? They disabled embedding so watch on YouTube.

  • Apparently someone thinks Tina Fey is funny. [Popeater]
  • Jennifer Aniston is nipply in her bikini. [The Superficial]
  • Which actress has man hands? [Star Pulse]
  • Chris Klein mocks Chris Klein. [Lainey]
  • Kate Beckinsale. So hot. [Celebslam]
  • Katy Perry and Russell Brand are the new Brangelina. By “new Brangelina” they mean Brangelina’s soiled underwear. [Celebitchy]
  • Alessandra Ambrosio should start covering herself up. [MoeJackson]
  • More sex talk. [Wonderwall]

Miley Cyrus isn’t going to college

If you dreamed of running into at MTSU, NYU, UCLA, USC or whatever college she may attend, you’re out of luck because she’s not going to any of them. In fact, she’s not going to college. Period. Exclamation point. Question mark. You might as well kill yourself now.

“My sister went to MTSU in Nashville, so I’d probably want to be there with all my friends, but I’m not gonna go to college right now,” Cyrus, 17, told Q100′s Bert Show Monday morning. “I am a firm believer that you can go back at any age you want, because my grandma went back to college at 62 years old.”

Miley Cyrus has billions of dollars and everyone loves her. Why the hell would she go to college? If I were as rich as Miley, I wouldn’t even learn to swim. I’d just hire some guy to carry me on his back and paddle me around in the ocean. Then when he starts complaining he’s tired and is about to drown, I’ll wave a $100 bill in his face and go, “Maybe THIS will change your mind.”

Heidi Montag is brainwashed

Heidi 3.0 is certifiably insane. She’s gotten so many surgeries that they shouldn’t even allow her to call herself anymore. She should be Sally or Jenna. A new name to match her new face/body. And there’s no way Heidi is going to admit those surgeries were a big mistake either. That’d wreck havoc on her psyche. Instead, she’s going to the opposite extreme. She says it’s the best decision she’s ever made.

“I love me! And I love life! Every moment counts!!!!!!!! xoxoxo!” she wrote on her Twitter page.

“My last surgery was the BEST decision of my life! Anything else anyone says (family members who are trying to make money off of me) is a lie!

“I have never felt sexier, happier, or more amazing in my own skin. I truly look the way I have always dreamed, I love America and freedom!

“You will get to know the true me and my REAL life VERY soon, under all my plastic haha! Not the Superficial “me” you read about and watch!!! (sic)”

“PS,” she wrote, “I HAVE NO FRIENDS, the ones who are pretending to be ‘friends’ or ‘family’, are crazy, angry, broke, and bitter this is why they haven’t been in my life for years! LIARS! (sic)”

I have no idea what Heidi is talking about.She’s probably still taking Vicodin to numb the pain because there’s no way this is her own skin. It’s a hybrid plastic/flesh material doctors created to fit her body. This just highlights one of the things wrong with America. Letting idiots like Heidi make their own decisions. I’ve seen the mentally handicapped make more rational decisions. Just look at the header photo. She’s an idiot eating an ice cream cone and cup of ice cream at the same time. If she started trying to bite her own ear, the difference between her and a retard would be indistinguishable.

Lindsay Lohan lies again

Yesterday in court, Lindsay objected to wearing the SCRAM bracelet that monitors her alcohol intake. She said it would get in the way of a movie shoot in Texas. TMZ rolled their eyes and contacted the producers of the two movies Lindsay was attached to.

Producers for both Machete and Inferno both said Lindsay had no shoots in Texas. There are additional scenes being shot for Machete in Texas but none involve Lindsay.

Inferno, the Lindsay Lovelace biopic, won’t even begin shooting until August and none of it is being shot in Texas so the SCRAM bracelet doesn’t affect that either.

Lindsay’s lies are getting ridiculous. All someone has to do is fact check to expose her. She’s like Wile E. Coyote. Never able to win and always having things blow up in her face. Be it lies or a penis.

Sandra Bullock won’t watch Jesse James tell all

The interview did with Nightline will air tonight on ABC but sources say won’t be watching. Why would she? I don’t think listening to how your ex-husband banged a bunch of whores will help heal any wounds. According to Popeater,

“Jesse has caused Sandra enough pain already,” a friend of Sandra’s tells me. “Hasn’t he done enough damage already? Now he’s going to ‘tell all’ on national TV and humiliate her once again. Why?”

Popeater explains that the only reason Jesse is doing the interview is because no one wants anything to do with any of his many businesses. From his clothing line to his burger restaurant. Apparently, people feel that douchebaggery is contagious.

“The public doesn’t want anything to do with Jesse or the products he sells that have made him a fortune. Jesse’s Girl clothing line, and sales at his Burger restaurant, Cisco, have dropped,” an insider tells me. “He has gone from being the coolest guy in the room to the most hated guy in America over night. His business advisers are hoping this interview will be the first of many steps to rehabilitating him and his brands.”

According to Us, James tells Nightline that those Nazi photos of him “made me sad.” Aww. Racists have feelings too. Who knew? Jesse says it was all a goof.

“I could tell by the look on my face it was a joke that was funny then, probably for a minute, but then looking at it in the context of now and in my life, it’s not funny… There’s not a racist bone in my body.”

He also talks about the baby they adopted. Asked why he adopted a black kid on account of him being a Nazi lover and all, Jesse responded, he “didn’t care what color” the baby was. “My only prerequisite for adopting the baby: I want the baby that needs us the most.”

Yea, whatever. You know the first thing Jesse said when Sandra brought home the kid was, “Wait? He’s black?! What’s the return policy?”

Tila Tequila addicted to ambien

, the attention-starved elf, will appear on Celebrity Rehab 4 for an ambien addiction. Tila likes to grind it up, snort it, google herself, twitter and sleep. Take out the snorting ambien part and this is what you expect Tila to do all day.

Of course, Tila isn’t going to rehab to better herself. No. If she wanted to do that, she’d check in to an unnamed rehab. Instead, she’s going on a reality show rehab in the hopes that if things go well, VH1 may do a spin-off show about her sober life.

“I KNOW I am an EXTREMELY smart girl, and to run all these empires when I am not even 30 yet, is quite an accomplishment, however I finally admitted to myself that I cannot rely on taking prescription pills everyday for the rest of my life!” Tila wrote. She then said to accomplish her goals, “I MUST not be another “” where I just flush everything I worked so hard for down the toilet for nothing…”

Empires? What empires? You mean the record label we’ve heard nothing about or the gossip website that makes my eyes bleed? Can Twitter be considered an empire? Because she’s quit that thing about three times. I’ve had bowel movements with more promise than her.