To preface, I have no idea what any of this means and this most likely will mean nothing to you either. This is akin to a second grader trying to read A Clockwork Orange. The only name I recognize in this whole mess is Miley Cyrus. There’s also a pretty good chance the anonymous guy who sent me this could be making stuff up, but I wouldn’t really know because I’m retarded and I’m not in love with Miley Cyrus or Montana Tucker or Adam Sevani. All I know is there’s a lot of drama here for 15-year-olds which is odd because I’m not near 15 and the only drama in my life was when a spider crawled over my foot this morning. Eeek! Anyway, anonymous dude writes:

So, Adam Sevani is using Miley Cyrus’ publicly to make singer Montana Tucker jealous. The texts below are from Adam to Montana, he told everyone on air at the Carson Daly show his Valentine was Montana… but then when Montana turned him down, he turned to Miley Cyrus to try and get Montana jealous.

What texts you ask?

Fwd: I dont get a. oh i’ll miss you or goodnight pumkin? I see
how it
is…

Fwd: Goodnight my orange flavored pudding cake

Fwd: Call me when u can buttercup

Fwd: Why arent u answering my calls?

Fwd: Email me those pics when u get home

Fwd: Chill out. Its myspace. Fine dont put me on your top. Its
whatever.

Fwd: Im waiting monty cyrus. haha Change ur top NOW

Fwd: I don’t pay attention to that stuff. I like you, is that
obvious
enough?

Fwd: Im going to watch a show right now. but I wana be seeing u
perform…

- –montanatucker

Riveting stuff, really. He was nice enough to attach a couple of pictures too. I’m guessing that’s Montana Tucker and Adam Sevani. And even though I understand none of this, I surprisingly only have one question: There’s a kid running around named Montana Tucker?

Thanks to sexy Colt whose name may or may not be Colt and who may or may not have chugged a Colt 45 in 30 seconds flat.