Britney Spears’ dad, Jamie, showed up in court on Monday to petition the judge to make the restraining order against Sam Lutfi and Adnan Ghalib permanent. Jamie alleges Lutfi slipped Britney a pre-paid cell phone in order to get around the fact that Britney’s calls are all monitored now. Jamie says this is all part of Lutfi’s plan to undermine his conservatorship. TMZ says:

The nanny heard Britney talking to Sam and Adnan on the pre-paid phone in the wee hours of the morning one day. It appears Jamie believes Sam and Adnan got her the phone in an attempt to poison her against Jamie and to torpedo the conservatorship.

Jamie also blames Lutfi for causing Britney to lose everything. He explained that when Lutfi was in control, Britney lost her career, her kids and drover her to a nervous breakdown.

“When Lutfi was in so-called control, [Britney] lost everything – her kids and career,” Jamie Spears said at the hearing. “I believe he’s a predator, I believe he’s a predator, I believe he’s very dangerous to her … and causes her a lot of anguish and disbelief. We’ve asked him to go away before, and now he’s coming back. We just want the man to go away. Just leave us alone.

This pretty much boils down to which Britney you want to see. A broken down Britney whose only career is to be a fixture in tabloids or a saner Britney who goes on tour and looks hot. Personally, I like hot Britney. Although, fat Britney allowed for a much wider range of jokes.

Now all I can make fun of her for is not having a six-pack. A four-pack, Britney? C’mon. I can get a four-pack in my sleep. While eating ice cream! Fatty.

Two of Britney’s enablers from her past have been slapped with restraining orders. Adnan Ghalib, the paparazzi who Britney fooled around with, was served while at home half-naked with his estranged wife. Britney’s former side-kick Sam Lufti and attorney Jon Eardly were served on Friday. The restraining order claimed they were “attempting to undermine her conservatorship.”

This is all well and good, but when is Britney’s camp going to file restraining orders against Chester Cheetah and The Pillsbury Dough Boy; the real culprits responsible for her fat years (that’s what this is all about, right?). Curse you, you lovable junk food mascots. You won’t get away with this.

Adnan Ghalib, the paparazzi who used Britney, says he has a 2-hour long sex tape of him and Britney in a Mexican hotel room. Adnan told Heat magazine:

“There is such a tape, but I won’t discuss prices for hypothetical enquiries.

“Unless there is a locked-in deal, I will go no further.”

An unconfirmed source claims the two-hour X-rated footage features Britney naked wearing just a pink wig and was allegedly shot while on holiday in Mexico.

Adnan added: “I am not interested in selling out any other details about Britney. “

A pudgy Britney Spears at one of the lowest points in her life in a pink wig asking Adnan to give it to her. Wow, sexy. If the tape is anywhere near the 2-hours Adnan claims, expect Britney to be doing the Red Foxx heart attack dance 30 minutes into it. Bids will be coming in anywhere from $100 up to $2,000. He’s gonna be rich, bitch.

Adnan: I have Britney sex tape [The Sun]

TMZ claims Britney Spears has gone back to the one they call Adnan. The paparazzi she randomly picked up one day, hooked up with and summarily left after being dispatched by Britney’s dad/conservator.

Our sources say over the last few months Adnan has been getting into The Summit, the gated community where Brit lives. They have been “together,” though we can’t say it’s still going on. We know they have been texting back and forth, at times complaining that Daddy Jamie is too “controlling” by trying to put the kibosh on the relationship.

Hopefully Adnan will make her do crazy shit again like shaving her head — has her hair ever grown back? — or making regular visits to gas station bathrooms and so on. With any luck he’ll usher in an era of Britney 2.0: Twice the psychosis, twice the twinkies, twice the adventure!

Everyone’s favorite smug paparazzi, Adnan Ghalib, was involved in an attack which left him wounded over the weekend. Adnan was stabbed in the arm and received facial lacerations as well as a black eye. He is reportedly doing ok and will make a full recovery to continue his journey into becoming the next pseudo-celebrity. Expect to soon find him wandering the aisles of your local Target for cold sore medication after parasitically latching onto the face of his next fallen-from-grace celebrity.

Adnan Ghalib is Britney’s current boyfriend (?) which makes him the most important person in the world. Wednesday while walking around in Beverly Hills a photographer blocked him in the parking lot. Adnan threw a hissy fit and pulled the “do you know who I am?” card. He said,

“Do you know who I am? You are nobody! Don’t make me angry!”

TMZ also reports Adnan was talking to the cops because he may have punched a paparazzo who was shooting him. At the time, Adnan was with two other girls. Neither of which were Britney.

A fun thing to do whenever someone asks you if you know who they are is to say, “Yes your highness. Who DOESN’T know who you are?” and then kick them in the nuts. Anyone who asks you that deserves a lifetime of sterility.

Adnan Ghalib, Britney’s current lover?, served on the test panel of SexHealthReview, a site that reviews the latest male enhancement products. He lists his occupation as “filmmaker” and writes,

I work in “the” industry in Los Angeles and I know many of my friends use these products. Thought this would be an interesting opportunity to reveal the truth to many men worldwide.

“The” industry? Is that like “the” car or “the” McDonalds? Whatever. All I know is that after perusing the site for a few hours out of curiosity, I found that NaturalUP is the panel’s top choice giving each reviewer a “rock hard” (again, what’s with the quotes) erection every time. All I can say is… in for one, baby!1!1! Just to check how legit this review is, of course.

X17 claimed to have seen a restraining order filed against Adnan Ghalib by Britney, but Ghalib told ET that they were going strong and that he isn’t with Britney just to profit from her. “In time, I think people will understand that,” Adnan said. He also tries to clear up the rumors about Britney.

On her hospitalization and standoff
“She didn’t understand why she was taken to the hospital,” he said. “She didn’t feel the need to be there.” As for the photographs of Spears laughing as she was wheeled out on a gurney, “I think she was just afraid of what was going to happen. It doesn’t mean you are crazy.”

On buying a pregnancy test
“She has a very maternal instinct,” Ghalib said of their recent Rite Aid run. (Photos of the trip were sold by his own photo agency, FinalPixx.) “She was feeling a lot of things she said she felt when she was pregnant. I think she was hoping she was pregnant with my child.”

On losing visitation rights
“Her primary focus is on re-establishing a relationship with [them],” he said. “She doesn’t talk about a strategy to get them back. That’s something that’s very private to her. She loves those kids – it pains her a lot ”

On Britney’s bipolar disorder
“She is not crazy at all,” he said, despite reports claiming that she is bipolar and has suffered from postpartum depression. (Some have even suggested she may have multiple personalities.) He also dismissed talk that Spears wrote a suicide note before her January meltdown. “She never has suicidal tendencies,” he said. “You’ve got to understand the love she has for her kids outweighs anything else.”

Britney was hoping she was pregnant with your child? Doesn’t that contradict your statement that “She is not crazy at all?” I’m sure sane women constantly pick-up guys who stalk them with cameras and a few weeks later have their baby. That’s what I told Alessandra Ambrosio. “I’ve been following you around for a year now taking pictures of you showering and on occasion, stealing your panties so you must become pregnant with my child as is the custom in America.” And, you know what, it worked! Shh, don’t tell her boyfriend. He thinks it’s his.

X17 Online claims Sam Lufti, Britney’s friend, showed them a restraining order that was filed against Adnan Ghalib. Although the LAPD has no record of it, it could just mean the paperwork is being started.

On Final Pixx’s blog, Adnan says he doesn’t know what’s going on because he was at a funeral over the weekend.

All I can say is that I have not been in contact with Britney since early Friday morning. The reason being, that I have had to attend a family funeral in Santa Barbara. My phone has been off during this time out of respect for my family. I am only now becoming aware of what is being said. I hope to be back home in Los Angeles soon and to be in contact with Miss Spears.

Restraining order? Why? Is Britney showing a modicum of intelligence? Did Adnan finally refuse to buy her Chicken McNuggets? Did he forget the sweet and sour sauce? Why am I thinking this is food related? Can it be anything other than food related? Hmmm.