What is with all these models wanting to get fat? Alessandra Ambrosio is already working on her second kid and now so is Adriana Lima. It’s like an arms race with these Victoria’s Secret models. Why are they stockpiling babies? What nefarious plans do they have?

Lima already mom to 2-year-old daughter, Valentina, tells PEOPLE that “the entire family is very excited, especially Valentina. She keeps blowing kisses to my belly and saying, ‘Kisses for the baby.’”

I believe she’s trying to blow it the kiss of death. The sibling rivalry between these two is going to be very strong.

You pretty much see these every day but most of the time it’s only after the shots have been processed and put into a Victoria’s Secret catalog. Why not go behind the scenes and get a glimpse into how that Adriana Lima bikini shoot is made?

So, it’s not very exciting. Just a photographer telling her to flip her hair around and try to look sexy. If I wanted to see that, I’d just go to Celebslam’s basement where he takes boudoir pics of plus sized women.

The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show 2011 took place on Wednesday in New York. Nicki Minaj, Kanye West and Jay-Z performed while models such as Adriana Lima, Miranda Kerr and Alessandra Ambrosio walked the runway modeling outfits you’ll never see a normal person wear. We in the business call that “fashion.” All the models looked pretty hot. As they should considering all the dieting they do leading up to this day. But, jesus, what’s with blurry pictures. Doesn’t anyone know how to focus a camera? You click the shutter button halfway and then press it down after it focuses. It’s not hard, people. It’s not like trying to find the clitoris. I mean, can someone draw me a map or something?

Supermodels don’t really talk about all the hard work necessary to maintain their kick-ass bodies. It’s like they don’t want people to think they’re human or whatever. Adriana Lima, however, doesn’t care. She talks about how intense her training is to prep her body for the annual Victoria’s Secret fashion show. It’s similar to the same system fighters use to cut weight.

“It is really intense, it’s not really the amount of time you spend working out, it’s the intensity: I jump rope, I do boxing, I lift weights, but I get bored doing that. If I am not moving I get bored very easily.”

She sees a nutritionist, who has measured her body’s muscle mass, fat ratio and levels of water retention. He prescribes protein shakes, vitamins and supplements to keep Lima’s energy levels up during this training period. Lima drinks a gallon of water a day. For nine days before the show, she will drink only protein shakes – “no solids”. The concoctions include powdered egg. Two days before the show, she will abstain from the daily gallon of water, and “just drink normally”. Then, 12 hours before the show, she will stop drinking entirely.

“No liquids at all so you dry out, sometimes you can lose up to eight pounds just from that,” she says.

“It’s like they’re training for a marathon,” says Sophia Neophitou, the British fashion editor who is chief stylist for this year’s show.

“Adriana works really hard at it. It’s the same as if you were a long-distance runner. They are athletes in this environment – it’s harder to be a Victoria’s Secret model because no one can just chuck an outfit on you, and hide your lumps and bumps.” Telegraph UK

That’s why I got out of the modeling business. The prep work was too intense. That and I’ve been ordered by the court to stay 100 yards away from any runway show after I was caught backstage trying on diamond encrusted panties. Hey, if you didn’t want people to wear them, then why did you make them?

Here’s Adriana Lima at the beach with her husband, Marko Jaric, and daughter, Valentina Jaric. How long has it been since Adriana Lima gave birth? It seems like just yesterday she was waddling around like a person of Walmart. Now she’s all skinny and in bikini shape. Sadly, she still has that scrunched up face that always irritates me. Every time I see a photo of her, it looks like someone scratched their ass and made her sniff their finger.

Not only is The Daily Mail starting the fire but they’re also fanning the flames. They posted this picture of Victoria’s Secret Angels Adriana Lima, Candice Swanepoel and Alessandra Ambrosio at a swimsuit photoshoot yesterday to highlight how skinny Candice seems in comparison and to feign concern. They make it sound like it’s a bad thing when a girl’s thighs never touch.

The 22-year-old appeared to have lost a significant amount of weight as she modelled the lingerie line’s new range of swimwear at The Mondrian hotel in Los Angeles.

Standing alongside models Alessandra Ambrosio and Adriana Lima, she stood out from her fellow Angels with her pencil thin legs and concaved stomach. She also appeared noticeably slimmer around the jawline. While Adriana and Alessandra looked slender in their black swimsuits, Candice looked almost emaciated next to the two girls.

To be fair, who wants to look at fat chicks in bikinis. I want my chicks in bikinis to be skinny. The skinnier the better. The best is when they have to be tethered to a spike in the ground so they don’t blow away with the wind.

Here’s Adriana Lima backstage dancing in her wonder bra at the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show last year. She really is an angel. I don’t care what her husband says, she’s not ugly or sexless.

Heh heh heh. And thus the seed that will drive Adriana into my arms has been planted.

Every November Victoria’s Secret has their annual fashion show. The event is meant to show off their latest line of lingerie and what not but it all seems like a clever ruse to give me an erection. I’m on to you, Victoria’s Secret.

Adriana Lima showed up to a beach in Florida on Tuesday and these pictures suck. There’s no full body shots of her in her bikini and a lot of them just show her between some dude’s hairy legs. If I wanted to see that, I’d just prop up the Victoria’s Secret catalog at the foot of my bed and whack off to it.

Adriana Lima went to St. Barth’s like Alessandra Ambrosio to do a Victoria’s Secret photo shoot. It was alright. Definitely not as hot as Alessandra’s shoots (proof here and here) but for a Tuesday it’s not bad. Although I could do without some of the candids where she looks constipated and is about to let one rip while everyone has their backs turned.

[Bauer]

This is apparently a comeback video for Adriana Lima to highlight her return to modeling after a six month layoff after giving birth.

Sheesh. Six months? I could have done it in one month. Two months, tops. Looks like someone was slacking off.

This video collaboration between Adriana Lima and photographer Russell James marks the World DipTrax Premiere of Benny Benassi’s remix of Jimi Hendrix’s classic “Purple Haze”. Directed by James, the video was conceived to mark Adriana’s return from hiatus after giving birth and showcases the intense boxing workouts she used to get her body back in supermodel shape.

The video was premiered as part of the recent live-stream photo shoot for Russell’s critically acclaimed Nomad Two Worlds project, which is dedicated to preserving indigenous rights and creating awareness for child health research.

The video was edited by Academy Award nominated editor Barry Alexander Brown via Beast Editorial who also cut all of Russell’s new work shot on Necker Island for Victoria’s Secret.

Here’s Adriana Lima in a topless photo shoot. I think these are newish. They were apparently taken after she popped out that kid. But what do I know? It’s not like I search the net for naked models every day (I do) or steal my roommate’s credit card to access Bang Bros. (I did).  NSFW gallery starts here.

Adriana Lima is pregnant. Married on Valentine’s Day, she and husband Marko Jaric are expecting to deliver in the winter. Lima claimed to be saving her virginity for marriage. In hindsight, that was a good idea. It sounds like Marko’s penis barely touched her and she got pregnant.

“Adriana and Marko are overjoyed that they are expecting their first child together and are excited to share the happy news and start their family together,” say reps.

A lot of people say Adriana Lima is one of the hottest Victoria’s Secret models, but I don’t see it. She looks a little rat-like. Not like Alessandra Ambrosio or Heidi Klum. What I’m trying to say is don’t expect their baby to be blessed with supermodel looks. Especially since Marko looks like the village idiot. At best, expect a 7 foot awkward, gangly creature that the government banishes to the sewers.