Following Time Magazine’s cover featuring Jamie Lynn Grumet breastfeeding her three-year-old, Alanis Morissette has come out in support of attachment parenting. Alanis says her 16-month-old Ever Imre is still popping her tit in his mouth and she’s not going to stop him until he’s ready.

Alanis tells Access Hollywood, “I breastfeed and I’ll be breastfeeding until my son is finished and he weans.” She casually explains, “I think it affords the child, when he grows up, to have a lot less therapy to go to. For me, I protect his safety and his well-being and his attachment. That stage of development is a very important stage.”

I’d think this kid will eventually need more therapy. Especially after all his friends make fun of him for still sucking on his mother’s teat and pucker their lips and make sucking noises and then ask him if they can suck on his mom’s tits too.

Alanis continues that even though she, her husband and her kid all sleep together, this hasn’t put a damper on their sex lives. “He’s a very robust, virile man,” she says with a laugh. “You gotta take care of your husband.”

Sweet Jesus. I hope they’re not having sex while that kid is sleeping next to them. At the very least, they better give that boy some earplugs and a blindfold and setup a future therapy fund.

This was completely unexpected but Alanis Morissette, who previously dated Ryan Reynolds before they split up and Reynolds hooked up with Scarlett Johansson, married a rapper named Souleye. They had an intimate ceremony in LA on May 22. The two have been together since 2009. Also, he’s a  white rapper named Souleye. Did I mention that? At least his name wasn’t Browneye because that would have been embarrassing. Even more so.

Ryan Reynolds has split with Alanis Morissette. Who is Alanis? She’s that Canadian girl that had 1, maybe even 2, if I’m nice, popular songs back in the late 90′s. Since Reynolds’ star is rising, he must have saved up enough money to finally get an eye exam, then got contact lenses. He then took a close look at all the girls stalking him and then again at Alanis. Then did a double take like they do in cartoons. Then he started sobbing. Then he remembered that she was a singer, bought himself a hearing aid and realized he was engaged to Bobcat Goldthwait’s sister.

In an old interview, Alanis Morissette credited their relationship’s successful start to them being both Canadian. Now if that’s not a recipe for a good marriage, then I don’t know what is. Some people would credit honesty, love or sex, but none of these come close to nationalism. Sources say Ryan will now get a whiny song about him and it won’t be from me.

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