Lindsay and Ali Lohan are finally telling their mom Dina the truth. That she’s ugly and nobody likes her. Though they put it in a much nicer way.

“My girls are always telling me to cut my hair,” Dina, 49, told Us Weekly at Randi Rahm’s Fashion Week cocktail party in NYC Wednesday. “You know, you think you’re fashion forward, and then you have children who are way more, but you make your own look [work]. But it’s hard when you’re girls are like, ‘Mom, you’re looking scary.’” Us Weekly

People in glass houses, etcetera, etcetera. Did Lindsay even look in a mirror before or after the amfAR gala? She looked like a 35-year-old Real Housewife on Ambien. But more disheveled.

Ali Lohan laughed off rumors that she had work done on her face in December’s Page Six Magazine. She says it would never happen because her mom, Dina Lohan, is such a responsible parent.

“I was cracking up. Because, like, when would I do that? I’m 17 years old,”

“That’s not legal! I would need my mother’s signature, and do you think my mom would ever sign off on that? No!” PEOPLE

And there goes her credibility. This is the same Dina Lohan who “listened to others and sent my daughter to Hollywood with a few pieces of luggage and a chaperone.” That is to say, good parenting is not Dina’s forte. Everyone knows Dina would be the one handing the doctor the scalpel if it meant creating another golden goose.

Lindsay Lohan is old and busted. Ali Lohan is Dina Lohan’s new golden goose. The only employment Lindsay has found so far is becoming the face of Philipp Plein’s new collection and court mandated morgue duty which she doesn’t show up for. That’s not going to put Dina in designer outfits any time soon. Enter Ali who was picked up by NEXT Model Management back in August. Her first photoshoot was for a magazine no one has ever heard of called Fault.

Finally, one of Dina’s kids found work which means she doesn’t have to. Whew. That was a close call for Dina.

A day after photos of an emaciated Ali Lohan came out making her look like she had work done on her face, her sister, Lindsay, came to her defense. She tells E! “she has never.” Which I take to mean Ali has never gotten plastic surgery.

Ali’s modeling agency also spoke out about the speculation.

“Contrary to recent reports, I can confirm that Aliana Lohan has not had any surgery. As a young girl who is growing up, it’s natural for her facial features to change slightly, and we see this with many of the younger models we represent. Aliana is a beautiful 17-year-old girl who is growing into her face and body, as is the norm for someone of her age. We take pastoral care of our models very seriously and encourage the models to maintain a healthy lifestyle and body shape.”

That does it for me. If you can’t trust Lindsay Lohan, known for being a bastion of truth, or a modeling agency that has a vested interest in Ali, then who can you trust?

Since Lindsay Lohan’s career is spiraling downward faster than a Russian hockey team (too soon?), Dina Lohan has to move on to her next golden goose aka her other daughter Ali Lohan, 17. But Dina can’t push an unpolished turd on people. No, she needs to spice it up. Maybe give it a new face. A nose job, plumper lips, basically any procedure that straddles the line of being morally objectionable without crossing it.

Granted, maybe her face looks different because she’s emaciated now. She’s a model so obviously her waistline has to be the size of her wrist.

File this under “No One Believes You.” 17 going on 30 Ali Lohan, Lindsay’s sister, has scored a modeling contract with NEXT Model Agency. NEXT has represented supermodels such as Miranda Kerr, Petra Nemcova and Molly Sims. Alexis Borges, Director of Next LA, however, insists the contract wasn’t because she has Lohan in her name. *Cough*bs*cough*

“In Fashion, Ali will set herself apart as a bonefide icon. One that fashion fans will follow not because of her famous last name, but because of the beautiful images and fashion trends she is helping create.”

With enough makeup and Photoshop anyone can be beautiful. Give me 5 minutes with the magic lasso in Photoshop and even I’ll look like Bar Refeali. Or similarly turn the Ali Lohan above into the Ali Lohan below.

With Lindsay Lohan facing a whole hour of jail time and remaining untouchable in Hollywood, Dina Lohan needs another golden goose. Hence, 16-year-old Ali Lohan modeling Lindsay’s 6126′s Spring/Summer 2011 collection. It’s never too early to start pimping out your 16-year-old daughter. Well, unless you’re the judge in my case. Then it’s all laws this and illegal that and not even your daughter or whatever. Get off my back, judge.

Michael Lohan has teamed up with Gloria Allred’s daughter, attorney Lisa Bloom, to embark on a quest to save his daughter Lindsay Lohan from death.

“Michael just wants the best for his children, Lindsay is out of control. Ali has been living with her, supposedly getting home schooled, but we don’t know who is monitoring her,” Brenner told Tarts. “There is no reason she should be living there, she should be at home. Nobody is looking out for Lindsay either, Dina keeps saying she has no problems.”

We’re also told that Lindsay often calls and texts her “estranged” father in times of need, but in the public light plays out as if she has nothing to do with him – which confuses Michael greatly.

If this was the cavemen days, natural selection would have already taken out the entire Lohan clan. But with the advances of modern technology, even the most severe of the mentally handicapped like the Lohans can stay alive indefinitely. Michael need not worry.

And is Ali really being home schooled by Lindsay? What could Lindsay possibly teach her? How to live without dignity? How to quiet that voice inside your head that some call “common sense”? I could be wrong, but those don’t seem as useful as math and science.

[Pacific Coast News]

Michael Lohan showed up with the LA County Sheriff’s Department at Lindsay Lohan’s door today after Michael expressed concern for Ali Lohan’s safety. Ali, 16, has been staying with Lindsay. Sources say Michael made a “compelling case” for the deputies to do a welfare check. Michael said Lindsay was doing 100 with Ali in the car on the way back from Coachella. Deputies talked to Lindsay and Ali was allowed to stay. For his next stunt, Michael will go to the LA County Department of Children and Family Services. Of course, Lindsay took to Twitter to vent.

i have no choice but to make this public, due to my sister’s safety, as well as my own, “my ex-dad” just WALKED INTO MY APT like the devil’s
advocate with officers….

let’s not forget, that my father KIDNAPPED me from a COURT ROOM when i was 4 years old and is CRAZY

he has NEVER paid child support, and is marrying a tabloid writer and can barely spell his own name due to his “brain” that has been ruined

due to HIS drug use.

when will it ever end… it’s been going on my whole life with him-hasn’t he caused enough pain ?

thank g-d for my mommy… w/out her, i wouldn’t even know myself..

This whole family is crazy. Dina is nowhere to be seen unless she’s needed for comment and the only comment she ever gives is that Lindsay is doing fine and doesn’t get drunk or do drugs and Michael Lohan is crazy. Meanwhile, the only parent that seems to care might actually be crazy and fame hungry. No wonder the Lohans are so screwed up. I’m surprised Ali isn’t pregnant with her second kid by now or in rehab. That may seem like a minor accomplishment to most of you, but remember this is a Lohan we’re talking about so this is actually a big fucking deal.

People think bringing your 15-year-old sister to 21 and over clubs is a bad thing. But what do they know. They’re not Lindsay Lohan. She tells Life & Style that it’s fine and not to worry. Ali parties responsibly. That means no double-fisting.

“She’s tougher than I am,” Linds told Life & Style. “She has a good head on her shoulders. Maybe it was different for me because I didn’t know what to expect and it just happened really fast. I didn’t have a big sister.”

Already, Ali’s got one thing going for her because she knows when to call it a night and do her homework…

“She’s really good about that,” Lindsay says. “If I’m going out late, she’ll go home early.”

See? The only reason Lindsay turned out the way she did was because she didn’t have a big sister to show her the ropes. Ali does. She’ll be learning all the tricks in no time. For example, if you want privacy, you snort lines of coke IN the stall and if you want to drink but don’t want people to know, hide the vodka in a water bottle.

Also, a note about how Ali goes home early to do homework. That’s not a big deal. She’s homeschooled. Which means her teacher is Dina Lohan. It’s like being taught life lessons from Harry and Lloyd from Dumb & Dumber.

I wish when I was 15 I had a sister like Lindsay Lohan who’d buy me cigarettes and take me to bars to get drunk and party. I’d probably have grown up to be more successful than I am now and I wouldn’t even have a coke habit to go along with my fame and fortune. Well-adjusted. That’s how they’d describe me if I had a big sister like Lindsay to look up to.

The sisters Lohan hit up L.A.’s Crown Bar Sept. 4, and according to one person who was there, Lindsay wasn’t keeping close tabs on Ali. “Lindsay didn’t coddle her or anything,” a guest told Life & Style magazine. “They partied until after 1 a.m., and she treated Ali as if she were just one of her friends at the club with her. And Ali was excited to be there.”

The magazine reports that the next night, Lindsay took her to another club. “They walked into Teddy’s at the Roosevelt Hotel around midnight,” according to a witness who spoke to L&S. “Both of them were smoking like chimneys and dancing around.” [MSNBC]

I also wish that they had 15 and up clubs where I grew up. Wherever Lindsay and Ali are, it seems like a magical place with Elysian fields and bars with loose definitions of too young. Their world probably has unicorns too. Granted, it does help that people go up to Ali Lohan and compliment her on the fact that she still looks so good after having two kids.

Ali and Lindsay Lohan landed at LAX the other day and what’s going on here? First, Ali looks like a 35-year-old trying to recapture her youth. Not even sure how Ali aged 10 years in only two. She must be going by dog years.

Then there’s Lindsay looking a little strung out. I don’t know what the hell she’s wearing either. Michael Jackson’s pajamas? At least it’s unbuttoned enough that you can see cleavage so point for that. I guess.

Are you wondering why Ali Lohan, 15, is always out being whorey with Lindsay rather than being in bed so she can go to school the next day? Well, Dina Lohan will tell you why. Because Ali has a career, baby, and Dina isn’t about to let something like an education get between her and her next cash cow. Dina explains: “I’m a firm believer in staying in school, but in the business, it’s gotten difficult for Ali to be in school.”

Yea, Dina actually used the term “the business.” To many, that would mean show business which in turn would mean having a steady job in film. To Dina, that means vacationing in Hawaii and having paparazzi take pictures of you in a bikini surfing and walking the red carpet with your equally unemployed sister. I think Dina and the rest of the world are working off of two very different definitions.