The idea that celebrities refuse to go on Twitter until fans donate one million dollars to their AIDS charity instead of donating themselves is very noble. It’s much like how Gahndi fasted for three weeks as a means of social protest.

Although, a bit different because most of the tweets from people like Kim Kardashian are just thinly veiled promotional efforts anyway. So actually, it’s not like Gahndi at all. It’s mostly like how a kid threatens to hold his breath until he gets what he wants. Go ahead. Pass out. No skin off my back. I’ll just donate to the other AIDS charities.

Is it safe for pregnant women to be in the ocean like this? Alicia Keys looks so much like a baby seal that there’s a good chance of her getting snatched by a great white or clubbed by an Eskimo.

Alicia Keys performed at the Essence Music Festival and on her way to the piano, she ate it. She pretended like nothing happened and finished her song. Much like you do when you fall down the stairs at the mall in front of 30 people.

All that jostling can’t be good for the baby. Her kid probably banged on her uterus and told her to calm the hell down. If I was rich and pregnant, I’d Mariah Carey it and have people wheel me around while I sing.

Alicia Keys is engaged to Adrien Brody’s long lost cousin (more so in the pic on PEOPLE). PEOPLE says his name is Swizz Beatz. I just call him Beatz. We’re bros.

Not only are they engaged, they’re also having a baby. Together. Her rep says they’re very happy and that the wedding will be a private ceremony later in the year. This will be Alicia’s first baby. It will be Swizz Beatz’s third.

Alicia Keys is probably overjoyed. Not only is she set to be a first time parent, she’ll also get to hear Swizz Beatz’s other two kids constantly yell at her, “You’re not my real mother!” That’s what every little girl dreams of.

Alicia Keys headed to Perth, Australia over the weekend to escape the harsh winter climate of North America. There she could hang out in her bikini, bask in the sun’s golden rays and snack on edamame or snow peas like a king. In other news, I stepped outside and got splashed with water when a car sped through a big puddle. Mmm, refreshing.

It isn’t enough that Jack White and Alicia Key’s Another Way to Die is featured in the opening sequence of Quantum of Solace, there has to be a music video as well. Check it out above. It’s full of artsy imagery and Jack White looking like Edward Scissorhands without the cool scissor hands.

A few days ago, a Coke Zero commercial featuring Jack White’s theme song to the new James Bond film aired and Jack got all huffy about his music premiering on an ad. Today he might be a little happier because the full song complete with lyrics sung by White and Alicia Keys was played on the radio. It’ll be the opening theme to Quantum of Solace and hopefully give those hipster kids the validation them and their skinny jeans have been searching for their whole lives. Listen below or download here.

[See post to listen to audio]

An interview Alicia Keys did with Blender in which she states “Gangsta rap was a ploy to convince black people to kill each other. Gangsta rap didn’t exist,” has been making the rounds. On Tuesday, Alicia released a statement saying her comments were misinterpreted and that she doesn’t actually believe the government used music to incite violence. Blender, however, is standing by their article.

“My comments about `gangsta rap’ were in no way trying to suggest that the government is responsible for creating this genre of rap music,” Keys said in a statement issued by J Records. “The point that I was trying to make was that the term was oversloganized by some of the media causing reactions that were not always positive. Many of the `gangsta rap’ lyrics articulate the problems of the artists’ experiences and I think all of us, including our leaders, could be doing more to address these problems including drugs, gang violence, crime, and other related social issues.”

You know what a real conspiracy is? That McDonald’s never brought back the Parmesan Chicken Sandwich. Wait, conspiracy or travesty? Uh, I don’t know, maybe both. Those things were delicious.

Did you know Tupac and Biggie Smalls were assassinated and the flames of their rivalry were fanned by the government? And that gangsta rap was invented to convince black people to kill each other? Also, that conspiracy theorists are punched in the face for being stupid far more often than sane people? No? Well, Alicia Keys knows. She tells Blender,

That subtly sexy siren who sings family-friendly fare is also an out-and-out conspiracy theorist who wears a gold AK-47 pendant around her neck and believes Tupac and Biggie Smalls were assassinated, their rivalries stoked by “the government and the media to stop another great black leader from existing.”

In this issue’s Blender magazine, Keys proves herself to be more Rev. Wright than Aretha, saying things like gangsta rap was a ploy by the government to “convince black people to kill each other.”

Conspiracy theorists are retarded. None of their “theories” are grounded in reality. When you start explaining to them how these things aren’t possible, they make more stuff up. What’s Alicia going to say next? That the female orgasm exists? Ha! Whatever, dude. I’ve never given a woman one and I’m really good at sex so it’s obviously a myth perpetuated by woman to make men feel inadequate.

Update: Alicia Keys may not be that idiotic. LB in the comments says Alicia called in a radio show to clarify the interview saying that the government didn’t create gangsta rap, but created the term and along with others, sensationalized it.

Apparently when Paris is racist and bigoted, she doesn’t need rehab. There’s also this thing called the Super Bowl happening over the weekend.

• Patrick Dempsey had twins. [Celebrity Smack]
• You don’t have to tell Alicia Keys there’s a full moon tonight. [Evil Beet]
• Fergie at Pepsi Smash. [Glitterati]
• Prince is at the Super Bowl. He’s the only entertainment. [CityRag]
• The Messengers: Because scary movies don’t have to be scary. [Pajiba]