The Hollywood Reporter released salaries of all the actors in the American Pie Reunion movie. They say the studio wanted to meet two requirements. Reunite the entire cast and not go over $55 million. Oh and see how little they could pay Tara Reid. Bwahaha.

Naturally, the two integral characters played by Jason Biggs and Seann William Scott, are getting the biggest piece of the… pie. Damnit, puns. The two also negotiated a small slice (arrrgh) of the first dollar gross. Alsyon Hannigan, who doesn’t really need this as she’s in her 7th season of How I Met Your Mother, is getting a nice chunk of change as well. Tara Reid on the other hand. Let’s just say she won’t have to scrounge for food in dumpsters for the rest of the year. No word on what the pie from the first movie is getting or if it’s even coming back.

According to sources, Universal is paying Jason Biggs and Seann William Scott a robust $5 million each, plus a small slice of first-dollar gross, to reprise their roles.

Alyson Hannigan, star of CBS’ How I Met Your Mother, is getting about $3 million. And veteran Eugene Levy, who starred in four profitable direct-to-DVD Pie films that helped make the property a billion-dollar franchise, is said to have received a payday also in the $3 million range.

The rest of the cast — which includes Chris Klein, Eddie Kaye Thomas, Thomas Ian Nicholas, Natasha Lyonne, Jennifer Coolidge, Mena Suvari and Shannon Elizabeth — is being paid far less, say sources, most in the $500,000 to $750,000 range (though bonuses for some could kick in if the film is a hit, as expected).

Rounding out the list is Tara Reid, who is said to have joined Reunion for close to the $250,000 that Universal initially offered. A studio rep calls the figures “inaccurate” but declines further comment. The Hollywood Reporter

They’re right. That figure for Tara Reid sounds entirely inaccurate. I’m told the studio originally wanted to pay Tara $500,000 but being the master negotiator that she is, she got them down to $200, a cameo on Jersey Shore and three rounds of liposuction.

At first I thought Alyson Hannigan’s costume was awesome. A murderous Raggedy Ann with her kid as a dead pet monkey in her arms! But then I realized her kid was being an idiot and wasn’t pretending to play dead and I also realized this reminded me of a scene from The Nutcracker. Jesus. If that was my kid, I’d at least put a muzzle on them to pretend they had rabies and I’d modify their red wagon into a mobile cage. I’d also get them drunk so they’d act real stupid inside their cage.

Alyson Hannigan birthed out a baby girl on March 24 in Los Angeles. They named her Satyana which I presume is the long version of Satan. During an appearance on Ellen, Hannigan said:

“I have pregnancy brain, which I never realized was a thing but it is,” she said on The Ellen DeGeneres Show. “I sort of feel like a Koala bear where I’m slightly stoned all the time and say the wrong word.”

Fact: Koalas are stoned all the time. Have you seen them do anything other than sit around giggling and eating eucalyptus leaves? Not I and I watch koalas all the time. On the Discovery channel. When there’s a commercial for 24. So I should know.