Hey, Amanda Bynes, why so sad? Did your dog die or something? Oh, it did. My bad.

Amanda Bynes went on Twitter yesterday asking for help in finding her 4-month old teacup Pomeranian which somehow got out of her house. “Everyone: I have the worst news to tell you….little angel got out of my house somehow and is LOST. If anyone finds her I BEG you to please contact me thru twitter, I will give a reward. She means the WORLD to me & I can’t find her anywhere.”

Today’s news wasn’t so good as she tweeted an update: “Sad day….Little Angel is in heaven now. RIP I love you.”

On the bright side, she won’t have to remember to feed it every day, won’t have to clean up its poop, won’t have to train it not to pee in her shoes… This might be a blessing, actually.

Amanda Bynes quit Twitter a little while ago and threatened to quit acting but now she’s back with tweets like “”Like attracts like. Whatever energy we put out into the world is precisely the energy we get back.”

She’s also posting pictures of herself in a bikini so, yes, I CAN look past those quotes that she thought were deep and profound because “fun with wigs” makes up for them.

A month ago, Amanda Bynes, 24, retired from acting saying that she no longer loved the art and that she would rather be having sex with black dudes. Soon after, a report came out saying that Amanda was pretty much forced into retirement because she became difficult to work with, flaky and began acting weird on set.

As you probably already guessed, the retirement didn’t last very long. In a new tweet posted July 23, Bynes declares “i’ve unretired,” and follows it up with a link to the trailer for her upcoming movie, Easy A, “easy A. September 17th. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DL7W6pEuAW0 check it out :)”. I suppose that means this movie isn’t going straight to DVD and that she’s getting new offers. Good for her. Hollywood always needs more mediocre supporting actors with a small following.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DL7W6pEuAW0

The Daily Beast has an interesting read on Amanda Bynes’ “retirement” from acting. They say that it wasn’t so much a retirement as it was her not being able to land roles because of her increasingly erratic behavior and her inability to produce a hit movie.

Amanda was recently fired from the Farrelley brothers’ film Hall Pass. Sources claim she was beginning to act paranoid and fearful. Owen Wilson and the Farrellys wanted her to stay but only if she could get her act together. She didn’t and they let her go. They also kept the camera rolling to show Bynes’ “odd behavior” in case her people decided to sue. Bynes tweeted that she left due to scheduling conflicts. Also, there’s this:

Meanwhile, rumors began to surface that Bynes could be “difficult.” In 2007, she was invited to the Turks and Caicos Film Festival, where she was being honored with a rising star award. And things reportedly didn’t go well.

Shortly after the festival was done, a nasty item appeared on the New York Post’s Page Six alleging that for the event, Bynes demanded two first-class plane tickets, two double hotel suites, and then “failed” to show up at any of the scheduled events she’d committed to. “I literally didn’t see her for days after she arrived at the hotel,” an “organizer” told the gossip column. “Everyone was wondering where she was. She was off jet-skiing, treating it like a vacation.”

They say if Amanda’s last film, Easy A, is a success, studios will want her back thereby putting an end to her retirement. If not, then Amanda will be in Ibiza banging random black dudes. She’ll be livin’ the dream. Kim Kardashian’s dream, I mean.

We’ve lost a lot of great actors in recent months. Patrick Swayze, Dennis Hopper and now Amanda Bynes who’ll no longer bless us with Oscar caliber films like She’s the Man because she retired from acting at the ripe old age of 24.

In a series of tweets over the weekend, Bynes said she didn’t find acting fun anymore and that she’s done. Professionally. Also, she still loves black dudes.

- I like black men I’m very attracted to them just fyi
- I’ve never written the movies & tv shows I’ve been apart of I’ve only acted like the characters the producers or directors wanted me to play
- Being an actress isn’t as fun as it may seem
- If I don’t love something anymore I stop doing it
- I don’t love acting anymore so I’ve stopped doing it
- I know 24 is a young age to retire but you heard it here first I’ve #retired

Now we’ll never again enjoy such classics such as that made for tv movie Canned or What a Girl Wants. More importantly, what will I do when I’m drunk at 3 AM in the morning and looking for some bland entertainment to lull me to sleep? You’re so selfish, Amanda.

[Bauer]

Celebrities on Twitter are turning into a bunch of talking heads being paid to advertise for whoever pays them enough. Though Kim Kardashian denies it, reports estimate Kim and other celebs earn up to $10,000 for each tweet. You’ll probably find out for sure in coming months due to new regulations that require people to say whether they’re being given cash incentives to do a blog post or social media post.

With all this behind the scenes trickery, one starts to lose faith in social media. Which is why it’s nice to see other celebs embrace the true meaning of sites like Twitter. Like Amanda Bynes did the other day. Amanda tweeted a couple photos from her Maxim shoot where she’s splayed out on a bed in her bra and panties. Looks like other celebrities can learn a lot from Amanda.

Not sure when these pictures were taken, but I like the way these two show affection. Too bad Amanda Bynes’ sister Jillian looks like that or else I’d punch a hole through my monitor out of sheer sexual frustration.

Jade Anderson, Amanda Bynes, Hayden Panettiere, Marisa Miller and Dania Ramirez have all posed for this mysterious Room 23 thing. I’m still not sure what it is. Where can I find this Room 23? At which hotel is it at? Why wasn’t I invited? Why am I never invited? C’mon, invite me. God, you guys are such jerks.

Is the economy so bad that Amanda Bynes has to turn to prostitution?

I also sit on couches in the exact same way. Although, I’m devoid of any social grace and I don’t have a vagina so there’s a lot less of a commotion when I do it compared to when Amanda Bynes does it.

I bet Kristen Bell was thinking the same thing I was thinking. Motorboat!

Amanada Whosawhasa was involved in a multiple car collision in Beverly Hills Wednesday. She managed to stay calm and call for help. She was later seen removing stuff from her 2005 BMW X5 while waiting for a tow truck.

Congratulations to Amanda and to me. Had she died, I would have owed someone big bucks in the celebrity death pool. I wouldn’t have paid the guy anyway because he’s obviously a druken lunatic for picking a 20-year-old B-lister to die.