One Robert Tucker is suing Andy Dick for allegedly rubbing his genitals against his face at a comedy club in Dallas back in December 2010.

Andy was dressed in a red skirt and wig, as he is apt to do, when he walked into the crowd, “pulled down his costume skirt with his right hand, exposing the fact that he was not wearing underwear beneath the skirt.”

At which point, Tucker says Andy “forced his genitals against the left side of [his] face,” the equivalent of drinking from a puddle of stagnant water.

Tucker was “degraded and humiliated” by Dick and his co-workers have been harassing and making fun of him ever since. He is suing for unspecified damages, naturally.

This is Tucker’s own fault for willingly being at an Andy Dick performance. But even then, the video of the incident shows Dick didn’t rub any dick on his face. It was maybe 6 inches out. Far away enough to not make contact but close enough to contract whatever std turns a grown man into gigantic douchebag.

A drunk Andy Dick was arrested on Monday night in Temecula, CA and booked at 9:48 p.m. on a misdemeanor charge of disorderly conduct with alcohol. Bail was set at $500. No word on what actually happened but considering it’s Andy Dick, it couldn’t have been as innocuous as public urination. He probably tried to rape a squirrel.

This is actually an improvement over last time we saw him. Last time, Radar caught him snorting coke and mouthing a woman’s naked breasts. Congratulations are in order.

To the surprise of absolutely no one, Andy Dick was thrown out of the backstage area of the AVN Awards. Dick was harassing porn star Tera Patrick and drag queen Chi Chi LaRue before a big bouncer hauled him off.

An hour before the ceremony at the Palms Casino Resort in Vegas, Patrick and LaRue were prepping in a dressing room backstage, when an apparently intoxicated Dick suddenly appeared. A witness reports, “You couldn’t understand what he was saying, but you could hear Chi Chi saying, ‘Leave me alone!’ Tera grabbed Chi Chi and went into another dressing room, but boom, there he was again. This happened three or four more times. He had a cup of beer, which kept spilling. Finally, this huge security guy came over, snatched the beer out of his hand, and said, ‘That’s it, we’re going!’ ” A show rep, who saw security men restrain Dick against the wall said, “I questioned one of the guards, and he said Andy was being disorderly and pushing people.” A rep for Dick had no comment.

Typical Dick. This guy couldn’t control himself even with a handful of Ritalin and Valium. Having a conversation with this spaz must be terrifying. One minute you’re talking about his future projects and the next he’s slurring his words and licking your nipples.

It goes without saying that Andy Dick was arrested over the weekend. This time on two counts of sexual abuse. And here I thought Andy Dick was a stand-up guy and not weird at all.

The first count was when he grabbed a security guard’s crotch at Rum Runners in Huntington, W. Virginia. The second is when he tried to stick his tongue down a patrons mouth without buying him dinner first. Dick has since been released on bail.

A third man who Dick sexually assaulted and who will not be pressing charges is Jonathan Kraft. Andy put his tongue in Kraft’s ear (pictures), but Kraft defends Andy saying the charges against him are “dumb” and “stupid”. Kraft says “He’s nationally known as a weird guy.”

So, Kraft is saying that as long as you’re known for sexually assaulting people that it’s okay. That’s a good argument. Next time I go out, I’ll just tell girls that I’m known for grabbing breasts before I grab their breasts. Then when I’m standing in front of the judge, I’ll just explain to him that they already knew what was going to happen. Obviously, he’ll nod his head agreement and set me free.

Before, Andy Dick was just a weird, attention-starved Hollywood celeb. And really, is there any other? We would just laugh along at his antics. Oh look, Andy’s groping Ivanka Trump. There’s Andy getting wasted in LA.

Now that we have his mug shot, we need to stop the jokes or risk getting shanked. This guy looks like a skinnier Robert Deniro. He’s no longer the funny crazy guy you patronize at keg parties, indulging him by listening to his government conspiracy stories. He’s now the crazy guy who makes you wonder how you’ll survive when he knifes you in the neck. If this picture was animated, you’d expect to see Andy making like Robert Deniro in Taxi Driver, pointing an imaginary gun at you and clicking the trigger.

Guest contributor: Captain Swarthy

Andy Dick was arrested at around 2 a.m. this morning for sexual battery in the parking lot near Buffalo Wild Wings restaurant. The cops responded to a public urination call outside of the eatery. Upon arrival, they found Dick in the passenger seat of a van. He was arrested for groping a 17-year-old’s boobs and pulling her top down. Weed and Xanax were found in his pockets.

This doesn’t surprise me in the least. Andy Dick is an attention starved screw-up. If he was at a funeral, he’d probably molest the guy in the casket and shout, “Look at me, I’m juggling the dead dude’s balls. I’m craaaazy.”

[Image via Splash News]

Last weekend at the Funny Bone Comedy Club, 41-year-old Andy Dick continued his reign of douchebaggery, pissing everyone off.

Stroupe, the club’s managing partner, said the 41-year-old actor-comedian made inappropriate comments while on stage, groped patrons, took women into the men’s room and urinated on the floor and on at least one person.

Not only that, but instead of making his morning flight to L.A. like a normal person, Dick was across town being cited by police for urinating on the sidewalk.

Jesus, this guy is a screw-up. I hereby decree that Andy Dick be punched in the face on sight before he starts humping your leg or grabbing your nuts. He’s like a poorly trained, bi-sexual dog with a permanent boner. He makes chemical castration seem humane and I’m not talking about chemical castration caused by drugs. I’m talking about chemical castration caused by pouring acid on your genitals and then smashing it with a sledgehammer to make sure the job is done.

In lighter news, Jon Lovitz beat up Andy Dick at the Laugh Factory last week. The back story is Jon blames Andy for the death of fellow NewsRadio friend Phil Hartman because Andy gave Phil’s wife cocaine after 10 months of sobriety. 5 months later, Phil’s wife killed him and herself.

Last year, Andy Dick, high and drunk as usual, made a scene at Jon’s table when he put the “Phil Hartman hex” on Jon and told him he was the next to die. Jon had had enough last Wednesday when he demanded Andy apologize for the hex. Obviously, he didn’t and said something stupid instead.

When the two ran into each other at the Laugh Factory last Wednesday, “I wanted him to say he was sorry for the ‘Phil Hartman hex,’ ” Lovitz told us. “First he says, ‘I don’t remember saying that.’ Then he leans in and says, ‘You know why I said it? Because you said I killed Phil Hartman.’ Which I never said. Then he asked me to be in his new movie.

“Jon picked Andy up by the head and smashed him into the bar four or five times, and blood started pouring out of his nose.” Lovitz told Page Six, “All the comedians are glad I did it because this guy is a [bleep]hole.”

I wish this could happen to Andy Dick on a daily basis. But instead of just bashing his head on a bar, it can be bashed elsewhere. You could make a half hour show out of it where people just bash Andy’s head on various surfaces. All of which need to meet the requirements of being jaggedy and hard and full of bacteria. Oddly enough, Andy Dick would probably agree to this because he’s such an attention whore.

Andy Dick is my hero. No, not really. Andy Dick is an attention starved kid who does nothing but annoy the hell out of people. Ivanka Trump took time off from squeezing her suddenly larger breasts together to appear on the Jimmy Kimmel Show. Andy Dick started molesting her for whatever reason and was forcibly removed. So to recap. Andy Dick was on a talk show. I read somewhere that this is one of the signs of the Apocalypse.

Taking a page out of the Kramer play book, Andy Dick lived up to his last name at LA’s Improv comedy club after heckling comedian Ian Bagg during his routine. Dick went up on stage and joked with Ian, but when he left he shouted at the crowd “You’re all a bunch of niggers!”

The stunned crowd gasped and stared at each other. Bagg tried to play it cool and move on with his set, but the laughs weren’t there.

I pity this guy. He’s an attention whore who can’t manage to get any attention. A bisexual who licks people’s faces and thinks his son is hot. When he isn’t face first in a pile of coke, he’s thinking up of new ways to get more attention. If he had a vagina, he’d flash it. And if that didn’t get anyone’s attention he’d pierce it and flash it again. But in about two days this incident will be buried. Andy Dick just can’t get no love.