The Blemish » angelina jolie Better than a slap to the face Thu, 20 Nov 2014 09:19:26 +0000 en-US hourly 1 Angelina Jolie Let Her Kids Draw on Her Wedding Dress Tue, 02 Sep 2014 16:24:50 +0000 Usually when kids draw on their mom’s wedding dress, she’d be asking for “the stick.” You know, to beat them mercilessly with. Not Angelina Jolie though. She’s cool. She told her kids to draw on her wedding dress and, like any good little monster, they did. Well, kind of. Her kids drew a bunch of stuff like a tank and words like “buttock” and Luigi Massi, the master tailor at Atelier Versace, sewed them into her dress. He probably never thought the greatest moment in his life would be sewing the word “buttocks” into a wedding veil. Hopefully there was a drawing of a penis too because I could see Massi sewing that thing on there while sighing heavily.

Pitt wore a suit from his closet – with a tie borrowed from one of his sons because Pitt forgot to pack his. Zahara’s dress was designed by family friend Adama Kebe. Maddox, Pax, Shiloh, and Knox wore black suits (Shiloh’s included shorts and a top hat), and Vivienne wore a white dress from her closet. Jeweler Robert Procop, who designed Jolie’s engagement ring, created the couple’s wedding bands.

Did anyone skim that paragraph and read it as Robocop designed Jolie’s engagement ring? Imagine my disappointment when I re-read it.

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Brad and Angelina Got Secret Married Thu, 28 Aug 2014 16:46:34 +0000 The big news of the day is Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie got secret married on Saturday after living together in sin for 9 years while raising 6 children. The nuptials happened in France at a small chapel at Provence’s Chateau Miraval which sounds excessively quaint.

The couple’s children took part in the wedding. Jolie walked the aisle with her eldest sons Maddox and Pax. Zahara and Vivienne threw flower petals. Shiloh and Knox served as ring bearers, the spokesman says.

Sorry guys, no matter how cute that sounds, you two are still going to burn in hell.

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There’s Video of Angelina Jolie in Her ‘Drug Den’ from a Decade Ago Tue, 08 Jul 2014 16:45:21 +0000 Before Angelina Jolie turned into the second coming of Mother Teresa, she went through some dark times. Back in 1998 after she won the Golden Globe for Gia, Angelina loved her coke and heroin. The National Enquirer managed to get a video of her back then pacing around her apartment which Radar Online affectionately calls her “drug den.”

The video was shot by her dealer at the time, Franklin Meyer. Meyer says he delivered cocaine and heroin to her in the late 90s and videotaped one of his visits as she talked to her dad, Jon Voigt.

While the video is more boring than listening to Lindsay Lohan tell everyone she’s turning her life around for the 20th time, it’s interesting to compare the Angelina Jolie of then to the Angelina Jolie of now. She kind of looks the same. I’m not even sure she aged that much. Those drugs must have been fantastic.

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‘Maleficent’ Had a Rape Scene Thu, 12 Jun 2014 17:02:48 +0000 There’s one scene in Maleficent that sees Angelina Jolie’s character drugged by the man she loves and has her wings removed taking away her ability to fly. It’s a metaphor for rape.

“We were very conscious, the writer and I, that [the scene in question] was a metaphor for rape,” Jolie said. “The core of ["Maleficent"] is abuse, and how the abused have a choice of abusing others or overcoming and remaining loving, open people.”

In the film, Maleficent curses her former lover’s daughter, Aurora, as a baby. The filmmakers wanted to explore what could make a woman so dark, “to lose all sense of her maternity, her womanhood and her softness.” The answer? With rape, obviously.

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Because ‘Maleficent’ Did So Well at the Box Office Tue, 03 Jun 2014 15:30:25 +0000 Angelina Jolie’s Maleficent took in almost $70 million at the box office over the weekend so you know execs are salivating over a sequel. But what are they going to do for part two? What’s the story?

How about this: Male50cent. An urban take on Maleficent.

What’s that? No need for praise. A bag of money is all I ask for.

(via Reddit)

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Brad Pitt Punched in the Face at ‘Maleficent’ Premiere Thu, 29 May 2014 16:57:34 +0000 International prankster Vitalii Seduik — who was last seen hiding under America Ferrera’s dress at Cannes — may have gone just a tad too far this time when he jumped a barricade at the Maleficent premiere and punched Brad Pitt in the face. Reports say Pitt punched him back.

Pitt and Jolie were signing autographs outside the El Capitan Theatre when a man jumped over the barriers and struck the actor in the face, according to Sgt. Leonard Calderon with the Los Angeles Police Department.

Private security guards detained the man until LAPD officers could take him into custody, Calderon said.

The man, identified as Vitalii Seduik, was taken to the LAPD’s Hollywood station and booked on suspicion of misdemeanor battery, according to the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department inmate locator website.

Seduik was being held on $20,000 bail.

There comes a point when it becomes less a prank and more just being an asshole. Vitalii has reached that point. I doubt he’ll even make it to the barricades next time on account of the “accident” he’ll be having.

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Just When You Thought Angelina Jolie Couldn’t Get Any Better, She Says This Wed, 21 May 2014 19:23:06 +0000 In a new interview with the New York Daily News, Angelina Jolie says rich, famous moms “shouldn’t complain”. Unlike some other famous people, *cough*Gwyneth Paltrow*cough*, Jolie understands she has much more resources available to her than the average parent.

“I’m not a single mom with two jobs trying to get by every day,” she told the Daily News. “I have much more support than most people, most women in this world. And I have the financial means to have a home and health care and food.

Jolie says she knows she’s lucky to be in the position she is for her kids and understands there’s no room to complain. *cough*Gwyneth Paltrow*cough*

“I actually feel that women in my position, when we have all at our disposal to help us, shouldn’t complain. Consider all the people who really struggle and don’t have the financial means, don’t have the support, and many people are single raising children. That’s hard.”

Although some would disagree with Jolie’s statements and argue that office jobs are routine so there’s the ability to have a set schedule. *cough*Gwyneth Paltrow*cough* You see, being a rich movie star is much different. When you’re on location for two weeks out of the year doing a job that pays you $5 million, it’s a lot harder. *cough*Gwyneth Paltrow is a bitch*cough*

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Angelina Jolie. Do You Even Makeup, Bro? Wed, 14 May 2014 23:34:04 +0000 Angelina Jolie. The essence of perfection. Nothing on her is out of place. Except for on Monday when she arrived in New York for the premiere of The Normal Heart looking like someone slapped her in the face with a bag of flour.

Cocaine bear says to join the club.


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Angelina Jolie Says She Had Wings in ‘Maleficent’ Trailer Wed, 19 Mar 2014 18:30:44 +0000 A third trailer for Disney’s Maleficent just dropped. This time we learn Maleficent had wings once and that she may even deserve some compassion. Until she unleashes her dragon. Then we’re back to being reminded that she’s sort of a bitch.

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The ‘Maleficent’ Trailer Starring Angelina Jolie Wed, 13 Nov 2013 17:19:27 +0000 With the release of Disney’s Maleficent poster yesterday comes the debut of its trailer. Angelina Jolie stars as the titular character while Elle Fanning plays Princess Aurora in this retelling of Sleeping Beauty. Don’t expect it to deviate too far off from the story. Maleficent still looks like a raging lunatic.

This doesn’t look bad at all. But what’s up with Angelina Jolie’s cheekbones. You could cut glass with those things.

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