PEOPLE reports that despite undergoing a preventative double mastectomy and lowering her chance of developing breast cancer to 8%, the faulty BRCA1 gene Angelina Jolie carries still increases her chances of getting ovarian cancer (50%), the same type of cancer her mom died from. That’s why she’s taking her ovaries out too.

Some doctors recommend patients undergo the surgery by age 40 or when a woman is done having children, though it may trigger early menopause.

No word on when that’s going to happen but you’ll probably know once you see an eBay auction that says, “Angelina Jolie’s ovaries! Start $5,000,000! Buy it now: $15,000,000!”

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In an op-ed piece for the New York Times, Angelina Jolie reveals that she underwent a preventative double mastectomy. Wait, what?! Holy. Crap.

Angelina explains that she made the decision after discovering she carried the faulty BRCA1 gene which increases a woman’s risk of developing breast and ovarian cancer.

She implied that the main factors which influenced her decision were her mother dying from ovarian cancer at 56 after battling it for a decade and not wanting her loved ones to have to go through the same thing.

On April 27, I finished the three months of medical procedures that the mastectomies involved. During that time I have been able to keep this private and to carry on with my work.

But I am writing about it now because I hope that other women can benefit from my experience. Cancer is still a word that strikes fear into people’s hearts, producing a deep sense of powerlessness. But today it is possible to find out through a blood test whether you are highly susceptible to breast and ovarian cancer, and then take action.

My own process began on Feb. 2 with a procedure known as a “nipple delay,” which rules out disease in the breast ducts behind the nipple and draws extra blood flow to the area. This causes some pain and a lot of bruising, but it increases the chance of saving the nipple.

Two weeks later I had the major surgery, where the breast tissue is removed and temporary fillers are put in place. The operation can take eight hours. You wake up with drain tubes and expanders in your breasts. It does feel like a scene out of a science-fiction film. But days after surgery you can be back to a normal life.

Nine weeks later, the final surgery is completed with the reconstruction of the breasts with an implant. There have been many advances in this procedure in the last few years, and the results can be beautiful.

After the surgery, Angelina says, “My chances of developing breast cancer have dropped from 87% to under 5%. I can tell my children that they don’t need to fear they will lose me to breast cancer.” She went on to thank Brad Pitt for being “so loving and supportive. ”

The reason for sharing her story was because “there are many women who do not know that they might be living under the shadow of cancer. It is my hope that they, too, will be able to get gene tested, and that if they have a high risk they, too, will know that they have strong options.”

If you had any notion that Angelina Jolie”s humanitarian efforts were part of some elaborately constructed facade, you can wipe that from your mind. Revealing something this deeply personal shows that she really does want to user her fame to help people. I mean, this isn’t normally something a person would shout from the rooftops which is what Angelina basically did here.

And I know this is going to be in poor taste but I heard the first thing Jennifer Aniston did when she read this was yell over to Justin Theroux and smirk, “Did you hear about Angelina Jolie? Bitch got implants!”

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According to the National Enquirer, Brad Pitt is trying to buy an Angelina Jolie sex tape for $10 million so it’ll never see the light of day. He’s afraid that if the tape were to ever go public, it would scar their six children emotionally and psychologically. At the very least, Maddox, Pax and Knox are going to have a very confusing puberty.

“Brad’s out to protect the new image that Angelina has tried hard to build – A-list actress, dot­ing mother of six and UN human-rights crusader,” a source said.

“He’ll do whatever it takes to buy these pho­tos and track down the alleged sex tape.” ShowbizSpy

The tape was allegedly filmed during a “drug-fueled session” in 1999 at around the same time a friend took pictures of Angelina looking strung-out. According to whoever, Angelina was so high that she doesn’t know exactly what she did but it may have involved cutting and kinky sex.

That is to say, if you’re in search of a young Angelina Jolie banging some dude while high and out of her mind, you’d better build a time machine and travel back to 1999 with some coke.

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Once an obscure spectator sport, mixed martial arts (MMA) has exploded in popularity in recent years, surpassing interest in traditional boxing; perhaps it’s because MMA fights move faster, are shorter, and offer more ways to win (i.e. knockout, submission, and decision). Whatever the reason for MMA’s rise in popularity, one thing is for certain – there are several celebrity feuds we’d like to see settled in the ring/cage MMA style.

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Angelina Jolie says she’ll step away from acting once her kids hit their teenage years. Quitter! She told Channel 4 News,

‘I think I’m going to have to give up the acting as the kids hit the teenage years, anyway, too much to manage at home.

‘I have enjoyed being an actress. I am so grateful to the job and I have had great experiences and I have even be able to tell stories and be a part of stories that mattered and I have done things for fun, but…’

‘I will do some films and I am so fortunate to have the job, it’s a really lucky profession to be a part of and I enjoy it.

‘But if it went away tomorrow I would be very happy to be home with the children. I wake up in the morning as a mum and I turn on the news like everybody else and I see what’s happening and I want to be part of the world in a positive way.’

Just as well. I haven’t seen her in a movie since The Tourist which was back in 2010. Since then she’s just done voiceover work for Kung Fu Panda. Sure, she’ll have Maleficent coming out in 2014 but that’s about it. She’s practically retired already anyway. I’ve seen more activity coming from Lindsay Lohan’s brain than her.

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Nepotism is alive and well in Hollywood. Angelina Jolie is planning to put her and Brad Pitt’s daughter, 4-year-old Vivienne Jolie-Pitt, in Maleficent, her live action Sleeping Beauty movie.

In a minor role, Vivienne will play the child version of Prince Aurora. Elle Fanning plays the grown version. Interestingly, this won’t be their first kid they put in one of their movies. Shiloh made a cameo in 2008′s The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.

Once again, the minorities get shafted. Maddox, Zahara and Pax must be forming their own little ACLU right now. Their protests will consist of not eating their vegetables, pooping their pants every hour and being generally difficult. Their chants of protest? No justice, no peas. …I’m sorry.

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French media is reporting that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie will forsake their “we won’t marry until gays can marry everywhere” excuse and will marry this Saturday.

The wedding is expected to take place at their French chateau, Miraval. However, local papers are denying the rumors.

The rumors may have started after people found out Brad and Angelina were holding a family party at the French home this weekend.

Guests include Brad’s mom and dad and top jeweler Robert Procop, the guy who made their engagement ring. They say it’s for Brad’s parents’ 50th wedding anniversary but everyone prefers to jump to conclusions and think otherwise.

In light of this news, ten helicopters outfitted with the latest imaging equipment have already been commissioned for Saturday while a paparazzi black ops team is currently undergoing last minute preparations. Their team name is Seal Team Fabulous.

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Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie famously said they wouldn’t get married until everyone could. Turns out Brad’s mother doesn’t have the same idea. In a letter endorsing Mitt Romney, Jane Pitt says it would benefit her fellow Christians if they could look past Romney being Mormon and vote for him because he holds the same anti-abortion/anti-homosexual values that they do.

I have given much thought to Richard Stoecker’s letter (“Vote for Mormon against beliefs,” June 15). I am also a Christian and differ with the Mormon religion.

But I think any Christian should spend much time in prayer before refusing to vote for a family man with high morals, business experience, who is against abortion, and shares Christian conviction concerning homosexuality just because he is a Mormon.

Any Christian who does not vote or writes in a name is casting a vote for Romney’s opponent, Barack Hussein Obama — a man who sat in Jeremiah Wright’s church for years, did not hold a public ceremony to mark the National Day of Prayer, and is a liberal who supports the killing of unborn babies and same-sex marriage.

I hope all Christians give their vote prayerful consideration because voting is a sacred privilege and a serious responsibility.

Brad Pitt must be so embarrassed. This is like when your mom drops you off at school as a kid and starts yelling out the window that she loves you, to make new friends, makes kissy noises at you and furiously waves goodbye while driving off forcing you to yell in a really annoyed tone, “Moooom.” Except, this is 100 times worse.

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Get it? Because she’s filming Maleficent and in the movie she’s wearing horns! This joke brought to you by TMZ.

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When I saw this set, it was labeled, “Angelina Jolie has become an evil sorceress,” so I just assumed they were photos of Angelina stealing a husband on the set of her new movie. That or a baby. It ended up being neither. She was just in costume filming Disney’s Maleficent. Whoops, my bad. Sorry, Jennifer Aniston. Turns out your screams of, “I f**king knew it,” were a little premature.

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