Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are engaged. So when’s the wedding? To hear Brad tell it, sometime between now and never.

During a news conference at Cannes, the question about when the wedding was going down to which Pitt responded that he and Angelina were “still hoping we figure out marriage equality in the States before that date.” He insisted that no date has been set, “actually, really, truly,” no date.

They’re practically married already so what’s a big wedding going to prove? The only reason to even have one is so they can plan it the same weekend as Jennifer Aniston’s just to mess with her.

Angelina Jolie made an appearance outside the Roosevelt Hotel and showed off her $250,000 – $1M wedding ring which is of course larger than Jennifer Aniston’s because whenever we talk about Angelina Jolie, we have to let people know that whatever she’s doing, she’s doing it better than Jennifer Aniston. It’s part of the blogger’s code.

If you are to take the word of a Beverly Hills jeweler and former CEO of Asprey & Garrard, the British jewelry company to the English royal family, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are engaged. This after stating they wouldn’t marry based on principle saying they would only do so after gay marriage was legalized everywhere. But it appears mounting pressure from their children asking why they aren’t married like all the other mommy and daddies at school and screaming, “Oh my god, does that make me a bastard?!,” has finally convinced Jolie and Pitt to take the plunge.

The British jewelry company confirms to The Hollywood Reporter that he’s designed an engagement ring for Angelina Jolie. A rep says, “I can confirm that, yes, Robert Procop did indeed design an engagement ring for Angelina Jolie, designed in collaboration with Brad Pitt.” They added,

“Brad had a specific vision for this ring, which he realized over a yearlong collaboration. He wanted every aspect of it to be perfect, so I was able to locate a diamond of the finest quality and cut it to an exact custom size and shape to suite Angelina’s hand. Brad was always heavily involved, overseeing every aspect of the creative design evolution. The side diamonds are specially cut to encircle her finger. Each diamond is of the highest gem quality.”

Jolie was seen with the ring two nights ago at a private viewing of the LA County Museum of Art’s Chinese Galleries. Neither reps for Jolie and Pitt have confirmed the engagement. Probably because they want to string us along and watch us squirm. “Dance, my puppets, dance!”

Brad’s rep confirmed the engagement to PEOPLE. Don’t mind that weeping, it’s only Jennifer Aniston.

Brad Pitt may not have won Best Actor for Moneyball, that honor went to Jean Dujardin for The Artist obviously (seriously, the Academy must have gotten so hard watching that silent film), but he still gets to bang Angelina Jolie and her right leg, which kept making an appearance through a slit in her dress the entire night. That fact pretty much trumps any Oscar achievement.

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt hit up the 18th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards in LA on Sunday. Angelina was wearing a black dress which looked more like a piece of cloth hanging off a coat rack than anything. Hey, why don’t you just take that off and make yourself more comfortable.

In related news, Brad and Angelina won’t let their kids Google them and have blocked their names on all their computers. That’s good news. Otherwise, those kids are going to find a lot of sites talking about how hot Angelina Jolie is and how I’d like to sneak into her bedroom every night and watch her sleep.

Seal Team 6 brought The Hollywood Reporter to the 14th floor of the W Hotel to interview Brad Pitt. They talked about religion, pot and marriage among other things.

Brad says in the mid-to-late 90′s, he was suffering from depression and ended up smoking a lot of pot. His outlook changed when he saw a bunch of poor kids running aroun. Knowing you have it way better than someone can always lift your spirits.

While Pitt’s star ascended with 1992’s A River Runs Through It, 1994’s Legends of the Fall and 1995’s Seven, his personal life declined.“I got really sick of myself at the end of the 1990s: I was hiding out from the celebrity thing; I was smoking way too much dope; I was sitting on the couch and just turning into a doughnut; and I really got irritated with myself,” he says. “I got to: ‘What’s the point? I know better than this.’ ” Pitt wrestled with dark thoughts: “I used to deal with depression, but I don’t now, not this decade — maybe last decade. But that’s also figuring out who you are. I see it as a great education, as one of the seasons or a semester: ‘This semester I was majoring in depression.’ I was doing the same thing every night and numbing myself to sleep — the same routine: Couldn’t wait to get home and hide out. But that feeling of unease was growing and one night I just said, ‘This is a waste.’

A trip to Casablanca, Morocco, in the mid-to-late 1990s, “where I saw poverty to an extreme I had never witnessed before, and we talked about inequality and health care, and I saw just what I felt was so unnecessary, that people should have to survive in these circumstances — and the children were inflicted with a lot of deformities, and things that could have been avoided had become their sentence. It stuck with me.” Almost overnight, he decided something had to give. “I just quit. I stopped grass then — I mean, pretty much — and decided to get off the couch.” The Hollywood Reporter

In the past, Brad and Angelina Jolie vowed to never marry until gay marriage was legalized. But now those damn kids are asking about it all the time and testing their resolve.

He oscillates, too, on the subject of whether he’ll get married, and it’s clear Pitt has shifted from his promise that this won’t happen until gay marriage is legalized. “We’d actually like to,” he says of his seven-year partner, Jolie, “and it seems to mean more and more to our kids. We made this declaration some time ago that we weren’t going to do it till everyone can. But I don’t think we’ll be able to hold out. It means so much to my kids, and they ask a lot. And it means something to me, too, to make that kind of commitment.” Has he asked Jolie to marry him? “I’m not going to go any further,” says Pitt. “But to be in love with someone and be raising a family with someone and want to make that commitment and not be able to is ludicrous, just ludicrous.”

I figured they didn’t want to get married in the first place so they made up this vow to never do it until gay marriage was legalized because it would never happen. Now those stupid kids are asking why mommy and daddy don’t have a piece of metal on their fingers. Well that’s simple, mommy and daddy don’t love each other. You hear that, Maddox, Pax, Vivienne, Knox, Sleepy, Grumpy and Doc ?! Yea, that’s it. Go to your room and cry.

The National Enquirer knocks another one out of the park. This time saying Angelina Jolie hates Stacy Keibler because she’s scared Stacy might steal Brad Pitt away from her much like she stole him away from Jennifer Aniston. The “proof” was during the Palm Springs International Film Festival where Brad and George Clooney joked around while Angelina chose to do press interviews “so she didn’t have to interact with Stacy.”

“Angelina is quick to judge, and she decided early on she wanted no part of this woman,” said a source. “It makes things uncomfortable for Brad and George since they are best friends.”

According to another insider, Stacy, raised Angie’s ire early on in her five-month romance with George when she gushed about Brad on Twitter, posting: “Brad Pitt wouldn’t be bad to look at every day!”

Said the insider: “From then on, Angelina’s been de­riding Stacy. She doesn’t like any woman even joking about wanting Brad, especially one who actually has access to him.

“She sees this girl as nothing more than a former cheerleader and pro wrestler and tells Brad, ‘George can do better than that!’

“She’s been ada­mantly opposed to the two couples going out together, even though George and Brad hang out a lot.” TNE

I can just imagine all four of them hanging out and when Angelina and Stacy make eye contact over each of their man’s shoulders, Angelina lets out a loud, cat-like hiss.

Angelina Jolie’s newest film, and directorial debut, In the Land of Blood and Honey, stressed her out quite a bit. Jolie reveals in a live-streamed webchat about the film:

“I had a complete emotional breakdown in the shower. and Brad found me just crying. I suddenly felt the responsibility and I felt very small and, who am I to take this on? And think that I could make a difference? What have I done? … I had a complete meltdown.” US Magazine

Sheesh. Actresses suuure are high-strung. Granted, making a movie about love during the Bosnian War isn’t quite the cakewalk as Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (13% on Rotten Tomatoes, which seems quite high), but you need more reasons to cry in the shower than being pampered on a movie set with catered food and a trailer at your disposal. Reasons like having sex for the first time.

Wouldn’t it be great if Brad Pitt magically appeared anytime someone cried in the shower? As soon as you curl up fetus-like on the shower floor, an aura of yellow light and a gentle hand would rest on your shoulder. “Br-Br-Brad Pitt?” “Yes, my child. It is I, Brad Pitt. You may remember me from such movies as Moneyball and The Tree of Life. Get them now on DVD.” And poof! He vanishes into the mist.

Video starts at 3:00.

Angelina Jolie already has six kids which is more than enough hands to make a pair of sneakers with but there may be another set on the way. Speaking to Marie Claire for their January issue, Angelina opened up about the possibility of having more kids.

“Nothing planned at the moment, but we just don’t know,” the Oscar winner says. “I could end up pregnant.” Us Magazine

Funny. That’s the same thing Blake Lively said to me when I poked holes in her condoms. But she said it with much less enthusiasm.

Doing publicity for In the Land of Blood and Honey, Angelina Jolie started talking about shopping for the holidays and how she and Brad Pitt shop early in case they have to travel somewhere. However, they don’t shop online because that sh*t is confusing.

“Brad and I were on Amazon.com for the first time a week ago. But we got lost. After an hour, we just shut it off. My brain is too scattered and the wires go in different directions. I’ll stick to catalogs.” USA Today

I know what Angelina Jolie means. There are so many virtual isles that it’s like a gigantic Costco. It’s easy to get lost. Don’t get me wrong, Amazon is great but I just wish there were some way to navigate the site. Maybe an organized hierarchy of products based on categories. Like… a menu of sorts. And maybe some way to tell the site exactly what you want. Sort of like a box where you can input “searches.” Hey, I think I’m on to something here!

In a show of solidarity with the third world children she visits, an Angelina Jolie source says her thin frame is due to her going on fasts “to make statements.” Being fabulously skinny is just a side-effect.

“She says, ‘If they can’t eat, I can’t eat,’” the source adds. The busy mother of six “does different cleanses from around the world. It’s very dramatic, but that’s how she gets.” Us Magazine

Click the source link to the article. I love how Us puts a photo of Khloe Kardashian on their cover next to this story. The only thing missing is her clutching a roll of cookie dough. Also, you may not know this but Khloe has her own way to make statements on behalf of starving kids. Her mantra is, “If they can’t eat, I’ll eat for them.” She seems very motivated.

Brad Pitt is filming World War Z in Malta (ugh, acting is such hard work) and a source says he’s been spending a lot of time with a woman not named Angelina Jolie. This is all making Angelina paranoid of course because men leaving their significant others for a girl they met on set is the new thing to do.

The on set beauty has been spotted being touchy feely with her famous pal on more than one occasion, and as the picture above shows the two seem very comfortable together.

This is all happening in Malta as Brad films World War Z, and Angelina is shacked up nearby with the couple’s brood of six children. “Their marriage plans haven’t been discussed for weeks now,” the source claims. “And it’s quite a coincidence that they’re being pushed back right when Brad is getting close to another woman.”

Ironically Angie, just like Brad’s ex Jennifer Aniston, finds the relationship “not cool.” Further complicating issues is Angie’s anger over the fact that Brad contacted Jen after the death of her dog Norman. [Hollywood Life]

I wouldn’t be too worried. Why would Brad not want to go back home to his six screaming children, his jealous wife and her collection of knives? He’s living the dream, man.

Angelina Jolie did a lengthy interview with The Telegraph where she talked about life, her family, her directorial debut, the Cleopatra movie she’s doing with David Fincher and how Brad Pitt has a big penis. Hey, don’t think I can’t read between the lines.

‘I am very lucky with Brad,’ she goes on. ‘He is a real gentleman, but he is also a real man’s man. He’s got the wonderful balance of being an extraordinary, great, loving father, a very, very intelligent man and physically he’s a real man,’ she says, blushing slightly, ‘in all things that it means.’

It sounds like Angelina is putting Brad on a pedestal. I suggest she doesn’t. Not until she sees what I have to offer at least. *Flexes arm. Pulls muscle. Yelps in pain.*

Later in the interview, Jolie alludes to the possibility of never marrying Brad.

Whatever the truth, she has evidently achieved greater stability with Pitt than in any of her previous relationships.
At 20, she married the British actor Jonny Lee Miller, walking down the aisle in black rubber trousers and a white shirt with her groom’s name scrawled in blood. The union lasted barely two years.
‘It was weird to be married; you kind of lose your identity,’ she said at the time. ‘You’re suddenly somebody’s wife. And you’re like, “Oh, I’m half of a couple now. I’ve lost me.”’
More recently, in 2008, she commented, ‘I’ll always love [Jonny]; we were simply too young.’

Not a big loss. The only thing people get out of marriage is a ring and a legally binding paper. I already have both of those from of a Cracker Jack box and I didn’t have to pay $10,000 to get them.