Chris Pratt (Parks and Recreation) has a bunch of cat lovers up in arms after giving away his 19-year-old incontinent cat to one of his followers on Twitter.

Pratt tweeted, “anyone in the LA area want a cat? full disclosure, she’s old and prone to accidents. So sweet though. And was in Stuart Little. (literally).” Not too bad. Except for the “literally” part. Was the cat “literally” in Stuart Little. Was she living inside Stuart Little like an alien chestburster?

Anyway, people let out a loud gasp and criticized Pratt for giving away their cat right at the end of its life. Not helping his case, Chris posted, “Bottom line, and not that this is any of your fucking business weirdos, but my wife and I want to start a family and we ABSOLUTELY CANNOT have an animal that shits all over the house. Sorry. If you are a parent you will understand. And if not, that probably explains why you have such a hard on for cats. Just sayin’.”

Except Anna Faris isn’t pregnant yet so this excuse sounds like a cop-out. But who cares. Someone took the cat and I’m sure they’ll be very happy owning something that can’t make it to the litter box to piss and sh*t. Good for them. Chris is a better man than me. I would have left the cat out and if my neighbor found it and tried to bring it back to me, I’d have stared at them, waved my hand in their face and said, “No speaky ingles.”

Anna Faris married Chris Pratt in 2009 and, while promoting her new film What’s Your Number?, she revealed that she slept with a total of five guys before meeting him. Sadly, none of them were me.

“I’m at five,” the star said at a screening of “What’s Your Number?” “Don’t you think five is kind of low? I’m 34!” During a pre-screening interview Tuesday night with Marie Claire editor Joanna Coles, Faris added, “I’m not a very good lover. I’m so nervous about my sexuality.”

In the film, Faris plays an unlucky-in-love woman who frets she’ll never find Mr. Right after learning the average woman sleeps with 10.5 men before finding “the one,” and she’s bordering on 20.

“I think 20 is kind of low,” she told Coles. “Shouldn’t it be like 70?” Faris — who was recently hailed by Tad Friend in the New Yorker as the future of female comedy — also said that she doesn’t read reviews. Fox News

Hold on, I have to do some math. 5 x 2 + 3.5 divided by 0.5, take the divisor, find the square root, factor in the imaginary number… Mm hm. I’ve come to the conclusion that her real number is 63. That whore!

Here’s Anna Faris at the premiere of What’s Your Number looking great. Especially since she used a dress to scrunch up her tits. And this is why I’d be a terrible designer. The ultimate goal of every one of my pieces would be to see how far I can push a woman’s breasts up. While other designers would be working with new material and introducing new trends, I’d be designing complicated pulley systems to push out a chick’s boobs even more.

Well, not really. Anna Faris told Ellen DeGeneres that she and her husband Chris Pratt used to sext each other on Wednesdays. That is until she unintentionally sexted her dad. Sort of like how I unintentionally drop my pencil so all the ladies can look at my tight ass when I bend over to pick it up. What do you mean “not like that at all?” Whatever, dude.

“One time I was sending him a text, and I accidentally sent it to my dad,” the Yogi Bear actress, 34, says on an episode of The Ellen DeGeneres Show scheduled to air Tuesday.

The message in question? “I can’t wait to see you in bed tonight,” she wrote.

“We used to have a spicy relationship,” Faris says. “Now this is really going to embarrass my mom that I told you that story.”

Anna also said she had a close call with her husband’s 9-year-old nephew. Although, if it was as tame as “I can’t wait to see you in bed tonight,” then it would have been less shocking than watching a Two and a Half Men. Anna needs to learn to sext better. Like me. I write sexier stuff like, “Bought the condoms, laxatives and handcuffs. ;)” But then again, they always text back, “How did you get this number?,” Oh, don’t play coy, Ashley Greene.

Update: Cockblocked by FOX.

Anna Faris and Chris Evans were out in Boston completely naked filming What’s Your Number. I’m sure this movie will be awesome because naked chicks are by default awesome. Hot naked chicks, anyway. I have a different opinion on fat naked chicks. Ask me what I think about them. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised by my answer. Hint: It involves you being punched in the face for even me making me imagine that.

Grainy, NSFW photos here. Also, those black bars up top don’t really cover anything. I just like putting black bars on things for the traffic.

This is Anna Faris and her husband Chris Pratt on their honeymoon in Maui after eloping over the weekend. Apparently, Chris won her over with his Captain America speedo. People go crazy over patriotic stuff like that. One time I took the American flag from my neighbor’s house, laid it on the lawn and ground my crotch into it like a Chippendales dancer. You won’t believe the kind of attention I got.

Anna Faris showed up at the premiere of Observe and Report in what some are calling a dress and others are calling “what your date’s dress looks like when she won’t give it up.”

I think we need a little update on the status of Anna Faris’ new movie House Bunny. Word from the set is, things are going swimmingly. As you can see, Anna’s chest is much more prominent than in her previous roles which should bump this film up 1/2 a star. She’s also supposed to play a Playboy bunny; automatically requiring this movie to contain both nudity and an annoying crowd of frat boys on opening day shouting, “Show us your tits,” at the screen in a vain attempt at humor. To recap. Katharine McPhee was seen pregnant on set, Rumer Willis was seen naked in a back brace and frat boys think sexually harassing a reel of film is funny.