According to Us, Arnold Klein, Jackson’s dermatologist (above), is the biological father. Note his affection for marijuana and shy, school-girlish demeanor. Sounds about right.

Sources say he and Debbie signed an agreement to never reveal the true lineage of the Jackson kids.

Though neither Rowe nor Jackson ever confessed to their kids’ true lineage, she did admit in 2002 that she carried his children as a personal favor (and would not confirm that the marriage was ever consummated).

“I said, ‘Let me do this. You need to be a dad. You have been so good to me,’” Rowe — who met Jackson when she was a nurse’s assistant in the 1980s — has said.

What kind of soap opera is this? Who’s the egg donor? TMZ says it’s not Debbie. Let me guess, it’s the stylist. Basically, this story has turned from “poor Michael’s kids” to “poor kids fathered by Michael’s dermatologist and random woman and adopted by Michael Jackson.”

If I were his kids, I’d just throw my hands up in the air and tell everyone I give up. Except, the youngest would probably say it like, “I gwiv up,” and then everyone would go, “Awww,” and they would forget for a split second what a convulated mess this all was.

[Image: Splash News]