‘The Last Stand’: Austrian Walker Ranger

You’d think that with two terms as governor, a humiliating sex scandal, and dozens of cringe-inducing one-liners behind him, Arnold Schwarzenegger would be content to just kick back on a beach in Tahiti and play grab-ass with a few blondes (or chunky Latina housemaids).


Arnold Schwarzenegger as Santa Clause

The only thing that ran through my mind when looking at Arnold Schwarzenegger’s white goatee was “please let him be preparing to film a follow-up to Tim Allen’s Santa Clause 3.” Not that that’s something I want to see, but it’ll be funny when he can’t shave it off for three months after everyone starts telling him it looks sort of ridiculous.

Maria Shriver Could Net $100m From Divorce

Arnold Schwarzenegger banged his maid 10 years ago, had a secret love child with her and now his wife, Maria Shriver, is all like “I want a divorce.” Women.