Cheryl and Ashley Cole have had a rocky four year marriage which was ended today in 60 seconds. Separated since February, Cheryl submitted the necessary papers to get the divorce going.

A judge accepted that their relationship had broken down because of the Chelsea footballer’s ‘unreasonable behaviour’.

In High Court papers, Cheryl claimed that Cole was still acting unreasonably, leading to suggestions that the pair are still battling over how to split their housing and assets.
The pair now face a six-week ‘cooling off period’ before a decree absolute is granted, which will end their marriage for good.

Their time together was marked with constant rumors of Ashley’s unfaithfulness. The good news is that when Cheryl and I start dating, she won’t have to worry about me cheating. Because I don’t have any girlfriends. Or friends for that matter. I’m so lonely.

Here’s Cheryl Tweedy in her new calendar.

Mickey Rourke was asked by The Sun what he thought about Ashley Cole’s whoring around and, if you know Mickey Rourke, he was more than happy to answer. Actually, brag.

“Forget Ashley Cole, his behaviour has nothing on a film star. WAGs get an easy time – they should try living with Hollywood hellraisers.

“I once spent a weekend in the UK and had 14 women in one night.”

“If you WAGs knew what Hollywood’s stars get up to you’d think you were married to pussycats.”

That’s cool and all, but Rourke sounds like an old man recounting tales of his youth. I’m surprised he didn’t have to trudge through seven feet of snow to bed these women or that he didn’t go off on a tangent about his dog or an onion tied to his belt. 14 isn’t so impressive anyway. I once had 20 women in one night and it was awesome because when you get that many, the hookers give you a discount.

Soccer (football) star Ashley Cole cheated on Cheryl Cole for the hundredth time and that’s led to their divorce. Ashley’s latest affair was with Ann Corbitt, an American local government worker, who told a newspaper a week ago that she and Ashley had sex in a hotel in Seattle during Chelsea’s pre-season tour last July. Everyone will now be watching how their $26 million will be split. Cheryl’s publicist released this statement,

“Cheryl Cole is separating from her husband Ashley Cole. Cheryl asks the media to respect her privacy during this difficult time. We have no further comment to make.”

This is good news for us because Cheryl Cole is incredibly hot. She’s also in a famous UK pop group, does solo stuff and is an X-Factor judge so you can count on her staying rich. All that needs to be done now is to get rid of that Derek Hough she’s been hanging around with then she’ll be mine. If not because of my charm and rippling muscles, then because of the fuzzy handcuffs used to lock her to my bed.

Here’s Cheryl during her recent trip to LA to get away from Ashley Cole and to use that Derek guy to make Ashley jealous.

[Bauer-Griffin, Fame]

I read somewhere that Cheryl Tweedy Cole is on vacation with her footballer husband Ashley Cole to try and save their marriage. Obviously, this is a ridiculous notion. When in the history of man has someone fallen in love with a hot chick dressed in a bikini? She needs to up her game if she wants to save this sinking ship. Maybe cook him a steak and give him a bj while he’s eating it. That’ll buy her at least another two months.