Never have the cast and crew prayed so hard for a strong gust of wind than they did while filming this scene with Ashley Greene on the set of Americana. “Guess we’ll just have to beat off to her nude pics instead,” they said when their prayers were never answered.

To everyone’s surprise, Pan Am hasn’t been cancelled yet and it’s hoping to stay that way by bringing on Twilight’s Ashley Greene for a four episode arc. Greene is playing a debutante who has a romantic history with Ted. I don’t know who Ted is but he sounds like a d-bag.

Anyway, here’s your first and second looks at Ashley Greene as Audrey Hepburn or whatever her character is. Sadly, 60′s is not a good look on Ashley. And I don’t think her boobs are naturally that pointy. Trust me. They don’t call me the foremost expert on Ashley Greene’s boobs for nothing, ya know? My thesis in Ashley Greene Boob Grad School was The Size and Shape of Ashley Greene’s Breasts and Its Relation to the Increasing Tightness of My Pants.

Ashley Greene covers the Mexican edition of November’s Esquire. Inside, she tells the mag that she’s always been a tomboy and that she left home at 17 for Hollywood to become a stabbing victim on Crossing Jordan and then some chick in a Twilight movie. I don’t know. Never heard of it.

“My parents would be, like, ‘don’t go on the trampoline, or you’ll break something,’ and I would go for it anyway and break a bone,” she says. “I still have four scars from when I broke my femur.”

“I always wanted to be like my brother because he was a year and a half older than me. That’s when I got into martial arts,” she said.

One of her first roles was a stabbing victim in the hit television show “Crossing Jordan,” she recounts. “I’m dating a guy who stabs me,” she adds.

Needless to say, her parents weren’t too happy with the part. “I didn’t think about it, but it must have been hard for them to watch as a parent.” The Improper

Ashley says Twilight is just her trampoline on which she’ll jump up and down on until she breaks something. It’s one of those things that sounds like a metaphor but makes no sense at all when you think about it. Hey, I don’t imaginary date her for her brains.

Of course, Ashley Greene also showed up for the premiere of Twilight and she looked the best out of everyone. And I’m not just saying that because I want to sleep with her. Well, ok, that’s exactly why I’m saying that. But can you blame me?

Suffice to say, that sign the guy is holding up behind Ashley is entirely accurate.

Here’s Twilight second-fiddle Ashley Greene at the Avon Foundation Awards Gala. She looked pretty and cleavagey and sort of out of it in a few of these pictures. Dammit. Those drugs weren’t supposed to take effect so fast.

In the November issue of Allure, Ashley Greene compares herself to Angelina Jolie and Demi Lovato to Jennifer Aniston. This lofty association based on the fact the two share an ex in Joe Jonas and because fans believe there’s bad blood between the two even though Ashley says that’s not true.

“I’m really happy that she’s doing well,” Greene says of Jonas’ 19-year-old songbird ex, who split from the singer shortly before he hooked up with Greene. “She and I never had a problem with each other, but, you know, it doesn’t go away. Jen Aniston still gets asked about Angelina Jolie.” Us Weekly

I’m shaking my head so hard right now that I just gave myself whiplash. I know you’re my imaginary girlfriend, Ashley Greene, but you’re a bit player in a glittery vampire franchise. It’s not the time to be comparing yourself to Angelina Jolie. In addition, Joe Jonas is no Brad Pitt. Tom Cruise, maybe, but definitely not Brad. I swear, I can’t take you anywhere.

Ashley Greene covers the latest issue of the South African Women’s Health. Inside, she promises to reveal all her secrets. Like what goes on on the set of Twilight and how she likes to kill hobos with a ball peen hammer.

Ever since her nude photos leaked, Ashley Greene has become my internet girlfriend. By which I mean she only exists as my girlfriend on the internet. But don’t tell my parents that. They think she’s real and that girls actually talk to me.

Here’s Ashley in a nice black dress at the iheart Music Festival in Las Vegas. Notice how the dress really brings out her eyes. And by eyes I mean tits. And by brings out, I mean I’m going to tie a belt around my neck and stare at these for the next five minutes.

E! has a rundown of their five biggest jaw-droppers of the Teen Choice Awards from Sunday night. The big one includes Harry Potter being out Twilight for something. I don’t know. Maybe it was “Most Annoyingly Hard to Follow Series?”

A few others include Sean Kingston returning after his terrible jet ski accident where he crashed into a bridge, Joe Jonas’ ex Taylor Swift seated next to Joe Jonas’ ex Ashley Greene and proof that teens shouldn’t be given the power to do anything much less vote, Rebecca Black winning an award for Choice Web Star.

Selena Gomez was also a big winner yesterday. She won five awards including Choice Female Hottie, TV Comedy Actress, Music Single, Best Love song and Musical Group. She should have also gotten one for Choice Unplanned Pregnancy because I’m pretty sure that’s where her relationship with Justin Bieber is heading. Speaking of which, Justin Bieber won for Choice Male Hottie. What is this, prom? He also won for Choice Twit. A decidedly deserved award. Anyway, EW has a better rundown of everything that went down if you really must know.

Luckily I didn’t sit through this or else I would have impaled myself on someone’s stilletos.

If you were one of the Twihards (Twitards)? who were lined up at 6 a.m. at Hall H of the San Diego Convention Center for today’s Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn panel, you would have met a few of the stars which included Julia Jones, Booboo Stewart and Ashley Greene (boinnnng-oing-oing-oing). That’s amazingly brave of them considering how many mentally unstable and hormonal teens are in line right now.

“We did panels and stuff like that [before] but this definitely started off a lot more interesting, to have interaction with the fans bright and early this morning,” said Ashley Greene, who plays Alice Cullen. “I think we feel a really large amount of respect for our fans. It’s kind of amazing they found something they’re so passionate about, and it happens to be something we put all our heart and soul into.”

New Twilight cast members Julia Jones and Booboo Stewart got their fan introduction at the height of their Comic-Con intensity. “This is my first time in San Diego and I kind of this sense that we’re in for a lot,” Jones said. “I don’t know exactly what it is, although yesterday I was walking around and saw people dressed as all kinds of things, like fruit ninjas.” [StarPulse]

Maybe it’s best I didn’t line up. It’d be kind of weird standing in line with a bunch of pre-pubescent girls not to mention a violation of my probation. Then there’s the fact that if Ashley Greene had came over to me, I would have humped her leg so hard it would have fractured in three places.

Besides, Twilight fans are incredibly weird. Not just because they’re so in love with the series that they’ll overlook how terrible each movie is but because some of the 40-year-olds fantasize about little boy bodies.

Elizabeth Reaser has experienced that too. “The weirdest encounters I have are when people are asking me about the young men’s bodies,” Reaser said. “When Taylor [Lautner] was still a boy and much older ladies would be talking to me about his body, it was just really inappropriate.”

Whatever. Lighten up Elizabeth Reaser. You act like you haven’t imagined what a shirtless Taylor Lautner looked like at 13. Pfft, I say to you.

Five minutes after announcing their breakup, PEOPLE has a story that Leonardo DiCaprio is already moving on. Possibly with Ashley Greene. His group, which includes Lukas Haas and Emile Hirsch, watched a Beacher’s Madhouse variety show at the Hollywood Roosevelet Hotel on Wednesday, a show consisting of of dancing Oompa Loompas, live monkeys, goats and exotic burlesque dancers.

There he was introduced to Twilight’s Ashley Greene who no doubt fell madly in love with him and will probably dump Jared Followill soon. Who wouldn’t. You could get lost in those eyes. An onlooker said, “His mood seemed typical. He talked to the people he knew and otherwise just made his way through the crowd.” And on his way through the crowd he impregnated 10 women by just looking at them.

Only a day after Ashley Greene and Joe Jonas’ split was announced, there’s already rumors that she’s dating Kings of Leon’s Jared Followill, who was last rumored to be sexting with the double-chinned Miley Cyrus. Damn, there goes my idea of lying naked on Ashley’s doorstep.

Ashley, her dad and Jared celebrated St. Patrick’s day together at Phebe’s Tavern in NYC in the afternoon and went for a nice stroll for the cameras later. Jared followed a few steps behind while Ashley and her dad got some quality daddy and me and paparazzi time.

Wonderful news today. Joe Jonas’ beard contract with Ashley Greene is up. This after dubiously claiming in Details that he isn’t gay (Ricky Martin said the same thing).

Sources tell Page Six the two ended it weeks ago and that it was “mutual and amicable.” Officially, their work schedules caused them to drift apart. Unofficially, it must have been a 6 month beard contract.

Greene is filming the next Twilight flick and is set to film LOL with Demi Moore and Butler with Jennifer Garner. Joe is set to release his first solo album in the summer.

Ashley wasn’t too broken up about it because she was happily hanging out at Avenue Tuesday night with friends including Jared Followill who Miley has supposedly been going after.

Gee, I thought these two were going to work out (no I didn’t). I was really pulling for them (no I wasn’t). I just hope Ashley can find love again (she will once she sees me lying naked on her doorstep with a bow tied around me).