59 year old James Woods finally broke it off with 20 year old Ashley Madison. He realized his mistake after he took Ashley to his brother Michael’s funeral on July 31.

“At the funeral she was concerned about the amount of magazines she was in,” says Woods’ pal Scott Sandler. “Jimmy was on his knees with tears staining his shirt, and she was showing pictures of herself.”

The actor has known Madison, the pal of a golfing buddy, since she was 5. “She’s the anti-Christ,” says Sandler. “She truly has the soul of a moth and the brain of a dead trout.”

I’m sure there were some famous people at the funeral. What better time to show yourself off than at a gathering of stars. Sure your boyfriend is burying his brother, but why does it always have to be about him? James Woods can be such a downer.

Appearing at the premiere of Entourage, 59 year old James Woods was sporting a new accessory. Her name is Ashley Madison and she’s 20. She’s also reported to be the daughter of one of James Woods’ golfing buddies. This is my golf clap for you James. I will tell you that I have spent 20 years and all my grant money perfecting my formula for coolness, but I cannot divulge it to you because the Kremlin is listening. However, I can say Woods’ number is 11 and to give you a reference point, Brad Pitt’s is 18 and mine is 19.

Woods’ is also quoted as saying, “This is my whole entourage right here,” “What more do I need?” By the sound of it, Woods must be thinking he hit the jackpot. By the looks of it, that 20 year old would wear the old man out right quick, take his money and become America’s next socialite.

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