Ashton Kutcher won’t answer any questions about Demi Moore’s hospitalization but it’s safe to assume he heard the news even while he was in Sao Paulo for Fashion Week.

TMZ has exclusive video of Ashton at a Bruno Mars concert in Brazil one night after Demi suffering a supposed seizure from doing whip-its. He probably heard about the incident right before this video was taken. Let’s see how he reacts.

Wow. What the hell was that? You can tell he wants to get into it but doesn’t want to go all out so he’s only sort of half-fist pumping while his other hand is in his pocket. It’s like if Clark Kent were at a Burno Mars concert.

And if you’d like, here’s Ashton looking like a dweeb in animated gif form on the next page.

Sara Leal says her life was ruined after sleeping with Ashton Kutcher. That sentence should be plastered on billboards every ten miles in SoCal as a warning to women. Anyway, Sara was fired from her job as an administrative assistant (though she doesn’t mention the job where she’s hired to go to clubs to talk to rich dudes), her best friend moved out and her dad won’t talk to her. No one told her being famous for sleeping with a married celebrity and ending his marriage would give such bad press. Though she claims she didn’t even know he was married.

“I don’t watch television and I read very few magazines. It never crossed my mind that he was married. But then he said he was separated, which still doesn’t make things okay, but I wasn’t thinking clearly,” Leal said. “He was a good looking guy and it was stupid. When people say to me ‘I can’t believe you did that’ I want to say back that most 22-year-old girls in my position would have done the same thing.” Fox News

Turns out it was the wrong decision because if she had to do it over again, she wouldn’t.

“It was insane. I had no idea what I was getting myself into,” Leal said. “It might have seemed like I was asking for it, but I wasn’t. My dad wouldn’t even talk to me, and I got a lot of disturbing phone calls, even from my friends’ parents.”

And those topless shots her friends leaked to the mags? That’s not how she is.

“Those made me look bad and everyone who knows me on a personal basis knows I am not a crazy slut party girl,” she said. “I’ve had one boyfriend since I lived in San Diego, and those pictures were one weekend out of my life that painted the worst image of me ever. I was a mess for two weeks straight it was so horrible.”

Wow. The amount of disbelief oozing out of my pores right now is scary. 1. Topless pics in Vegas. 2. Partied naked with two other girls in a hot tub with Ashton Kutcher. 3. Had sex with Aston Kutcher. I’m pretty sure that’s “crazy slut party girl” by definition. I have about as much sympathy for this chick as I do for a rock being thrown at Ashton Kutcher’s face.

The now single Ashton Kutcher and Lea Michele got real cozy at the New Year’s Eve premiere in Los Angeles last night. The two were all over each other even though Lea came with Jonathan Groff. I’ll just assume Ashton was more trying to get a look at her tits than hitting on her. The only sweet nothing he whispered in her ear was, “I hope you’re not using nipple tape.” That Ashton, he’s so suave.

Apparently no amount of Kabbalah therapy could save their marriage as Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore announced today that they’re getting a divorce. Ashton naturally took to Twitter to post, “I will forever cherish the time I spent with Demi. Marriage is one of the most difficult things in the world and unfortunately sometimes they fail. Love and Light, AK.” I like how Ashton implies outside forces were responsible for the failure of his marriage and not the fact he banged a bunch of whores while Demi wasn’t looking.

Meanwhile, Demi eschewed a social media statement and went old school with a plain old regular statement through the wire. She said, “It is with great sadness and a heavy heart that I have decided to end my six-year marriage to Ashton. As a woman, a mother and a wife there are certain values and vows that I hold sacred, and it is in this spirit that I have chosen to move forward with my life. This is a trying time for me and my family, and so I would ask for the same compassion and privacy that you would give to anyone going through a similar situation.” That was basically Demi putting all the blame on Ashton for the dissolution of their marriage.

In other news, Kim Kardashian jumped for joy because this is going to take some of the heat off her own fake marriage/divorce. Now she and her people don’t have to go through with their plan of leaking pictures of a fat(ter) Khloe Kardashian and implying she’s pregnant.

Ashton Kutcher can no longer think for himself. After expressing outrage about Joe Paterno’s firing and then being informed as to why he was fired and being made to look like a doofus, Kutcher has decided that he needed to protect his image and has decided to filter his thoughts through his management before they’re posted on Twitter.

Up until today I have posted virtually every one of my tweets on my own, but clearly the platform has become to big to be managed by a single individual. When I started using twitter it was a communication platform that people could say what they are thinking in real time and if their facts where wrong the community would quickly and helpfully reframe an opinion. It was a conversation, a community driven education tool, and opinion center that encouraged healthy debate. It seems that today that twitter has grown into a mass publishing platform, where ones tweets quickly become news that is broadcasted around the world and misinformation becomes volatile fodder for critics. APlusK

Wait, what? Is he specifically talking about his tweet, “How do you fire Jo Pa? #insult #noclass as a hawkeye fan I find it in poor taste,” becoming volatile fodder? Geez, it was just a comment that made you look stupid for a second. Calm down, buddy.

Last night after returning home from work I walked by the television and simply saw a headline that Joe Paterno had been fired. Having no more information than that, I assumed that he had been fired due to poor performance as an aging coach. As a football fan and someone who had watched Joe’s career move from that of legend/innovator to a head coach that fulfilled his duty in the booth, I assumed that the university had let him go due to football related issues. With that assumption (how dare I assume) I posted a tweet defending his career. I then when about my evening, had some dinner, did a little work, and about an hour later turned on ESPN where I got the full story. I quickly went back on my twitter account and found a hailstorm of responses calling me an “idiot” and several other expletives that I’ve become accustom to hearing for almost anything I post. I quickly retracted and deleted my previous post, however that didn’t seem enough to satisfy people’s outrage at my misinformed post. I truly am sorry if I offended anyone and more over am going to take action to ensure that it doesn’t happen again.

For a guy who’s an advocate against child sex trafficking, you’d assume he’d heard about this from his people. Guess not.

A collection of over 8 million followers is not to be taken for granted. I feel responsible for delivering an informed opinion and not spreading gossip or rumors through my twitter feed. While I feel that running this feed myself gives me a closer relationship to my friends and fans I’ve come to realize that it has grown into more that a fun tool to communicate with people. While I will continue to express myself through @Aplusk I’m going to turn the management of the feed over to my team at Katalyst Media to ensure the quality of it’s content. My sincere apologies to anyone who I have offended. It was a mistake that I don’t think will happen again.

This is why Twitter sucks. Most celebrities now have their stream managed by someone specifically hired to make sure they don’t look like an idiot. God forbid a famous person looks human once in a while. How low must your self-esteem be that instead of just laughing it off you have to hire an entire management team to protect your image.

Most of the time Ashton Kutcher doesn’t know what’s going on so it’s not surprising the guy has no clue why Penn State’s head coach Joe Paterno was fired yesterday. Hint: it was for pretending he didn’t know his assistant coach was raping at-risk boys up the butt in the locker room.

Ashton tweeted in outrage yesterday, “How do you fire Jo Pa? #insult #noclass as a hawkeye fan I find it in poor taste.” You know what else was found in poor taste? That tweet according to his millions of followers who had to explain to him what happened. Ashton quickly tweeted an apology.

Heard Joe was fired, fully recant previous tweet! Didn’t have full story. #admitwhenyoumakemistakes

As an advocate in the fight against child sexual exploitation, I could not be more remorseful for all involved in the Penn St. case.

As of immediately I will stop tweeting until I find a way to properly manage this feed. I feel awful about this error. Won’t happen again.

How does one properly manage a Twitter feed? It’s not a damn rental property. You type words in a little box and hit send. If you could see into Ashton’s head right now, you’d see a little lab mouse running very slowly on a squeaky wheel. Oh and look, it just threw its hands in the air, put on its old-timey hat, picked up a suitcase and got the hell out of there.

Ashton Kucher wasn’t the only unfaithful one in his relationship with Demi Moore. A source claims to In Touch that Demi hooked up with Ben Hollingsworth, a Canadian actor she befriended when he moved to LA.

Demi, 48, met Ben, 27, when he moved from Canada to LA. He was a struggling actor and Demi made it her responsibility to help bolster his career. “He was star starstruck from the start,” the insider tells In Touch. Demi and Ben formed a “fast friendship” that quickly developed into something more.

Demi took Ben around Hollywood introducing him to everyone and showing him the hippest spots, shares the source. She even introduced him to Ashton, and helped Ben with his role on The Beautiful Life on the CW (Ashton, 33, was the executive producer of the show). ”She helped him a lot,” says the source.

Ben was even invited to party at Demi’s house with his friends. “They smoked a lot of weed,” reveals the source. “Demi [who didn't smoke] was cool about it all. She and Ashton acted like teenagers.”

Then, one night Demi gave Ben a ride after a night out partying. “They wound up having sex in the back of the car,” says the insider. “It just kept going from there.”

“[Ben] said she was really hot and she took care of him,” adds the insider. Hollywood Life

This is Hollywood where debauchery is king. Everyone cheats on everybody. It all boils down to who can cover it up the best. Apparently these two suck at it.

In related news, Demi’s ex-husband, Bruce Wills, made Ashton Kutcher cry.

“Ashton kept avoiding Bruce’s calls and texts, but finally agreed to meet his wife’s ex-husband at a private location,” said a close pal of the couple.

“Bruce was livid! He reamed Ashton for his cheating – and humiliating not just ex-wife Demi, but his three daughters as well. He went at Ashton full force, giving him no time to make excuses for his embarrassing behavior, demanding that he get his act together FAST!

“Ashton finally broke down in tears, weeping uncontrollably as he begged for forgiveness.”

The “Two and a Half Men” star – devastated because Demi’s consulted a divorce attorney – begged Bruce to step in and stop her from committing to a separation.

He reportedly vowed to Bruce: “I will NEVER, EVER cheat again!” National Enquirer

Aw, someone call the wahmbulance. Get a hold of yourself, man. You didn’t run over a homeless guy and try to hide the evidence. You banged an average looking blonde in your hotel room. When Ashton started weeping, I hope Bruce Willis looked at him disgusted and screamed, “Stop crying, you pussy!”

In a new video posted to chime.in, Ashton Kutcher discusses the value of “honesty” and “truth.” At least his version of it. Ashton begins with a history of literature and says the rise of the internet and social media has intensified gossip. Oh and the sky is blue.

“I just wanted to open up a little dialogue on the state of honesty. The state of truth. The status of truth as it pertains to literature and media… Publishers (once) held great scrutiny over what they were willing to print because their reputation was on the line. When the cost structure comes down on printing… the level of honesty of literature starts to plummet… I started thinking about that in relation to media and social media today where the threshold to actually have literature printed and distributed… is zero dollars… thereby there is no gatekeeper of the truth…”

Kutcher adds, “We are our own editors, we are our own publishers and we are our own printers. Therefore, people can b**tardise the truth in any way, shape or form that they want and spread that around the world… A lie can travel halfway around the world before the truth can leave someone’s lips…

“I was thinking that we really have to take it upon ourselves to instil a level of honesty… in the works in the media that we create and share with one another… and be certain that we are doing our own diligence that what we are saying is for the benefit of another.” StarPulse

When asked “so, did you bang that chick or not?,” Ashton looked left and right, went “uh, um, well, er,” pointed to something behind them, said “OMG, what’s that?!,” and then ran away when the reporter turned around.

• Taylor Armstrong has been fired from Real Housewives. [The Superficial]
• Sophie Howard goes topless in Nuts (nSFW). [GCeleb]
• Christina Aguilera arrived in a stretch limo, shopped pantsless. [Celebitchy]
• Anna Schillin is a good underwear model. [Celebslam]
• Amanda Seyfried vs Olivia Wilde: Who ya got? [MoeJackson]
• Patti Stanger pisses off the gays. [The Frisky]
• LeAnn Rimes without makeup is nowhere near Jessica Alba without makeup. [Evil Beet]
• Haley Joel Osment is getting fat. [StarPulse]

Everyone wants to guess who the father of January Jones’ baby is. First it was James Marsden, which turned out to be just a made up blind item with no truth behind it and now it’s Ashton Kutcher based on another blind item that was probably made up as well. On Oct. 17, BlindGossip published this:

“This married actor had a one-night stand with one of his exes, who is an actress in an acclaimed television show. She wound up pregnant. The actor’s wife found out about the baby, and, to no one’s surprise, went completely ballistic. Both the actor and his wife tried every tactic (money, lawyers, threats to ruin her career) to convince the ex to terminate the pregnancy. Despite enormous pressure from all sides, the ex decided to keep the baby. The actor’s marriage is now on the rocks. We’re not sure how long everyone can remain tight-lipped about this one. It will be difficult to keep such a bombshell out of divorce proceedings, which will likely occur before the New Year.”

Any idiot could figure out the item was referring to Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore and January Jones. Seems a little too easy to figure out. Sure, it could be plausible. Ashton Kutcher already showed he’s more than willing to bang girls not named Demi Moore. Then again, would January Jones hook up with her ex who said she’d never make it as an actress because she wasn’t good enough? I suppose time heals all wounds. And the best revenge is making it big and then getting pregnant with his baby, right? I don’t know. I’m pretty bad at getting revenge.

The Today Show put up video of Us Magazine’s interview with Ashton Kutchen’s 22-year-old administrative assistant mistress, Sara Leal. She does a quick summary of the night. Hot tub, naked, sex and then she poses for the camera.

Us says they didn’t pay her for the interview and they wouldn’t be lying because they paid her for the photoshoot. Us also states that Sara Leal has nothing to gain from this interview. You know, except for fleeting fame and large amounts of cash.

Meanwhile, Radar says Demi Moore has been consulting with divorce attorneys. Ashton doesn’t want a divorce but expects Demi to file. Couple this with the declining ratings for Two and a Half Men and it looks like Ashton has been having a great few months.

Tired of waiting for that hush money, Sara Leal sold her interview to Us Magazine and The Sun. She confirms to the publications that her pimp did bring her and three other girls up to Ashton Kutcher’s room at the Hard Rock in San Diego on his sixth wedding anniversary.

The four girls turned to two and Ashton and them all got naked in the hot tub. Ashton wanted a three some with her friend Marta Borzuchowski at first but eventually Marta left. Then they had unprotected sex for two hours.

“He just came up and kissed me,” the Texas native tells Us of Kutcher’s first bold move in the wee hours; minutes later, Leal, Kutcher and another young woman were completely nude and in a hot tub on the balcony.

“I didn’t think it was out of the ordinary,” Leal admits. “I wasn’t self-conscious about getting naked.” Us Magazine

Not a lot of would-be escorts are self-conscious about getting naked. I assumed that was part of the job description.

Regardless, Ashton fed her the line that she was “separated” from Demi Moore and of course Leal believed him. She was going to have sex with him anyway so that just made it easier.

After retreating to Kutcher’s bedroom past 6 a.m., “he lost his towel and I took my robe off,” Leal says. “Then we had sex.”

“He was good,” Leal reveals. “It wasn’t weird or perverted.” It also wasn’t 100 percent safe, either: Leal tells Us that Kutcher did not wear a condom during their one-on-one encounter. Us Magazine

This is good news for Leal. Hopefully she gets pregnant and scores those five figure child support checks. That’s the American dream.

The post-coital talk was a little unexpected, she confesses; the duo talked astrology (they’re both Aquarius), religion, love, even politics. “I told him I was a Lutheran from Texas. He said, ‘Oh my gosh! Are you a Republican?’” Leal says.

Democratic-leaning Kutcher quizzed her on “up-and-coming candidates. I said Rick Perry. He asked if I’d vote for him. I said I didn’t know and he laughed. He laughed at pretty much everything I said.”

But it wasn’t all twenty questions between the lovers, according to Leal. After having sex for a second time — and arguing over Leal’s cell phone — the married Two and a Half Men star was tender.

“He was like, ‘I enjoy things like this because I’m an actor 90 percent of the time nd it’s fake. It’s nice to have moments that are real,’” Leal recalls.Us Magazine

Whoa, slow down, Ashton Kutcher. You already slept with her twice. You don’t need to butter her up anymore.

One thing Us doesn’t mention that The Sun does is:

“He had great endurance. We were up for a while. It was about two hours.”

Sara told how they fell asleep after their romp. Then Ashton congratulated himself on his conquest before she left at around 9am on Saturday, September 24 — his wedding anniversary.

Sara said: “The last thing I remember him saying was he did a good job. We woke up and I was wearing a robe. He opened it up and I was like, ‘What are you doing?’ He was like, ‘Just checking. OK, I did good! You’re really pretty.’ ” The Sun

Is that when he told her to “shut up, I’m talking to your vagina?” Geez. I don’t want to know why Ashton needs to double check the girl he had drunken sex with. It’s like he still remembers how he once woke up with a Snooki next to him.

According to Star Magazine, Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore got together over the weekend to try and save their marriage. Naturally, they did so by going camping in the Santa Ynez Valley.

The trip was a chance for Demi and Ashton to talk about his cheating and discuss how they’re going to move forward. But everyone knows you can’t expect privacy when you’re in the middle of the woods.

A neighboring camper spotted them and snapped shots of the reunion. Demi, pissed, screamed at the woman taking the pictures, “Please don’t take photos of me or my family. Please don’t expose this.”

As you can see, Demi is very convincing because they promptly deleted the photos. Haha, just kidding. They sold them to Star.

Demi, Ashton and friends scurried back into their tents to avoid the amateur photog. A witness said Demi “whistled at Ashton and gestured for him to hurry into the tent. It was obvious that Demi was showing the strain about the state of her marriage.”

You can pretty much imagine Ashton looking like a dog with his tail between his legs as he went back into the tent.

In least shocking news of the day, Kaballah counseling has not saved Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher’s marriage. Sources say that despite them still wearing their wedding rings, they separated six weeks ago.

Star magazine was first to report that the couple will now split a $290 million fortune and also features photos from inside Ashton’s hotel room as a party raged — a party that ended with Kutcher and Leal having sex. Radar

On the bright side, Radar says Demi Moore has lost a “substantial” amount of weight due to stress. Her marriage may be in shambles but at least she’ll look fabulous on camera.