If you asked me what Audrina Patridge does these days, the best I could come up with is that she puts on a bikini and crosses her fingers that the paparazzi will take pictures of her again. Looks like her dreams finally came true while she was at the ME Cabo Hotel in Mexico.

Bongo is going ahead with an Audrina Patridge campaign featuring a tv spot and print ads. The commercial and prints debut later this summer but Bongo has a digital preview. That simply means they shot video of Audrina Patridge modeling stuff. Exciting, isn’t it?

As time passes, fewer and fewer people remember that Audrina Patridge is that chick from that reality show who posed topless. What better way to remind them than to stage a few bikini pics. Why not bring along your friend too. And have her do a backflip. Yes, muahaha, yes. Dance for me, monkey!

Audrina Patridge walked around Palm Beach in a yellow bikini the other day filming her new VH1 reality show titled Audrina. The show revolves around her trying to make it in the entertainment industry. Bwahaha. Oh, what? This isn’t a joke?

The goal for Audrina is on two levels, a young girl trying to make it in the entertainment industry, while her no-nonsense family keeps her grounded, but are amazingly real supportive.

They only let her say one line in the preview which was just “Somewhere between fame and family, there’s a place for me.” Yea, it’s called the kitchen. What? She makes good sandwiches.

Audrina Patridge is the new face of Bongo. What this means is some exec thought her vacant, soulless eyes would be great for marketing their line of… clothing? I don’t know, but, success!

These photos of Audrina Patridge in Ralph were in Maxim before (even though Egotastic thinks different) but they were ten times smaller so you couldn’t ogle them without squinting or having to use your free hand to click the magnifying tool. Now they’re in high res which is awesome because both my hands will be free to do whatever they want. Like knit!

What better way to celebrate your 25th birthday than to hit up Liquid at Aria in Vegas? That was a rhetorical question because there is no better way to celebrate another year in your life than to put on a bikini and let a photog leer at you with their camera. That’s my idea of a perfect birthday. If I had tits, I mean.

To everyone’s surprise, Audrina Patridge managed to not get her hair wet even though she was at the pool all day. An amazing feat because there aren’t many people who weren’t tempted to push her annoying ass in.

In what will be no doubt be a huge loss to Audrina Patridge, Spencer Pratt has severed all ties with The Hills cast mate. On Tuesday, Audrina was on Lopez Tonight and said Heidi has “changed a bit” in personality and appearance since they first met.

“She got her chin chiseled, her nose done again, her cheeks, boobs redone, lipo, butt job, I don’t know ten procedures … in one day…It’s a lot.”"

Regurgitating an already known fact was apparently the last straw for Spencer because on Thursday he tweeted, “I would like to make it CLEAR! My wife and audrina have severed all ties! We no longer deal with that fake world and fake people like her.” That’s a little more than ironic because Heidi is 90% plastic and they’ve made a career on being fake.

Spencer continued, “Audrina – Don’t hate because your nasty Tijuana plastic surgery got you no press… and my wife is #1 story on people – 5 days in a row!” He then went on to insult Audrina’s boyfriend Ryan Cabrera, “Who elected you to gage cool – BITCH! Why don’t u and ur played out 90s singer Cabrera go into a bathroom stall and do what u do best…” Then he promises something resembling the truth is coming, “Oh the truth is coming… I’m not playing anymore. Everyone stay tuned… its all coming out!” He then finished, “Audrina – you want press? Leak another 50 naked photos of yourself like u did to get relevant to in the first place.”

Spencer contradicted himself in that rage tweet. He says Audrina’s Tijuana plastic surgery got her no press. If he’s referring to her boob job and “leaked” photos, then he may want to rethink that. Her tits may not have been on the cover of PEOPLE, but her 15 minutes lasted almost two weeks on the internet. Then she posed for Playboy. Note that Heidi also posed for Playboy, but she didn’t really show anything. Heidi might as well have been wearing a tuxedo and a stove top hat.

[Fame]

Multiple reports are coming in — actually I just read this from E! — claiming saying Audrina Patridge and Ryan Cabrera might be over. Gasp! They’ve been dating since February. To add to the speculation, Patridge was partying alone at Studio 54 over the weekend while Ryan hit up Pure.

“Audrina came to Perez’s birthday with a girlfriend,” one of our sources says. “When she was asked, ‘Where’s Ryan?’ she made a mortified face and changed the subject right away. She gave off a weird vibe and seemed very awkward.”

Oh, sorry. That weird vibe and awkwardness was because of me. I need to remember that you’re not supposed to grab at people’s breasts when you ask them questions.

With the cancellation of The Hills, Audrina Patridge needs all the work she can get. Which is why she headed over to Wet Republic to host over the weekend. She made sure to be extra noticeable by getting out of the pool and having the water glisten off her awesome body. Then she bent over for the cameras and said “hire me!”

Audrina Patridge took her big tits to Venice beach for a volleyball something or other photoshoot where she had to pretend she was athletic. Fame Pictures notes she was carrying a bottle of Smart Water with orange liquid inside. They ask if it’s a new fitness drink she’s promoting.

The Blemish responds: Who cares? What we should really be asking is if Audrina’s breasts were always that big. They seem bigger. It’s as if they now make up half her body. Like there’s her legs and then they go straight into a pair of breasts. Is that normal? I’m no doctor, but I feel like there should be a ribcage somewhere in there. Whatever the case may be, respect.

[Images: Fame]

Audrina Patridge went to get her nails done in a low strapless dress and thank god for that because her tits almost fell out. The best part is her eyes don’t weird me out as much anymore. Yes, my friends. This is turning out to be a great day for perverts like us.

As long as we’re stuck with Audrina Patridge and the rest of The Hills gang we might as well make the best of it. Which is what FHM UK said to themselves when they gave Audrina two options: Become irrelevant or put her ass in a bikini and let them take pictures. The option Audrina went with may surprise you!

More Audrina Patridge at FHM.