Axl Rose took his ball and went home when a fan threw a bottle at him because everyone was pissed he started the show 90 minutes behind schedule. Rose packed up and left during the first song. Damn baby.

• Guy Ritchie shows more affection than Madonna’s gnarled arms ever will. [Lainey]
• Roger Ebert can’t eat but he wrote a cookbook anyway. [Popeater]
• Paris Hilton’s throwaway BFF is still trying to get famous. [Drunken Stepfather]
• Janice Dickinson is stealing from the homeless. [Celebslam]

• Jon Hamm wants you to know he looks nothing like Don Draper. [Celebitchy]
• Tiger Woods is working on his whore house. [IDLYITW]
• Karissa Shannon brought her boy-toy to party. [MoeJackson]
• Damn summer is almost over. Here’s what you should do before it ends. [College Candy]

• 24 totally unrealistic sex scenes. [CoEd]
• Happy birthday, Salma Hayek. Here are all your nude film scenes. [CityRag]
• Kim Kardashian reveals the secret to her big ass. [Hollywood Tuna]
• Chris Robinson of the Black Crowes’ calls Taylor Swift horrible. I’m not a Taylor Swift fan but this coming from Chris Robinson of the Black Crowes’. Thought I needed to say it again in case you asked, “Chris who?” [Celebuzz]

Axl Rose made an appearance at a Hollywood Party and it sounds like he took a real shine to Kelly Osbourne. According to New York designer Richie Rich, Axl made a pass at Kelly. Well, it wasn’t so much as a pass as it was a predatory overture.

“He was really weird with her,” said the Heatherette fashionista at a party for the launch of the new Tide and Downy Total Care washing liquid. “He kept leering at her and saying, “I want to f*** you!”

This is Kelly Osbourne, not Kelly Brook. Was Axl simply confused or has these 10+ years of working on Chinese Democracy and having the FBI raid bloggers caused a psychotic break? Because I have a list of things I’d rather do before I would fuck Kelly Osbourne. One of them is “kill myself.” Another is “kill myself again.”

Axl Rose was in Sweden yesterday and had a little suprise for a security guard.

Axl Rose spent most of the day in a Stockholm jail cell after allegedly biting a security guard in the leg at his hotel, police said.

The Guns N’ Roses frontman was arrested early Tuesday after attacking and threatening the guard and causing damage to the Berns Hotel, where the alleged scuffle took place, police spokeswoman Towe Hagg said.

All that money spent on putting Axl through obedience school and the one time I take off his leash, he goes and bites someone. Seriously, I know Axl sucks and blows, but now I have to add bites to the list.

Here’s some advice. If you ever find yourself in Sweden, it would be a good idea to be on your best behavior and only bite sexy Swedish women. Then when they scream “STOP” you can pretend that you don’t understand what they’re saying. Believe me, it works. Sometimes.