Hey, guys. It’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for. It’s professional nipple slipper Bai Ling’s newest single, “Rehab” and it’s not a cover of Amy Winehouse. I’d like to believe it’s more of an homage.

If you’ve ever wondered what angels sound like when they sing, listen to this. I had no idea one could fall in love with music. Until now. This has the vocal styling of 100 Adele’s. If you shoved thumbtacks and shards of glass down her throat and forced her to sing at gunpoint. My ears managed to vomit. [via Dlisted]

Bai Ling talked to PeoplePets about her cat Quiji, who’s apparently part cheetah, and how it almost bit her nipple off. She bought the animal after seeing it in an airplane magazine which is, tragically, how all these “animals almost biting off nipples” stories always start. Ling explains,

“I sleep naked … She was kissing me, and suddenly, she woke up. She saw my nipple, and oh my God, she went for it!” Bai says, laughing. “If I wasn’t fast, my nipple is gone. She thought it was a toy or something.”

She also said she used to bring it to premieres but after a few “freakouts” she had to keep it at home. That’s too bad. Premieres would be much more exciting if there were an almost feral animal running around trying to eat people. Although, people like Kevin Federline wouldn’t get very far before they fell to the floor from exhaustion and asked that his death be quick and painless.

Mickey Rourke was at Chateau Marmont with Sean Penn and Penn’s wife when Bai Ling “accosted” him. Page Six says Rourke didn’t mind and the two “made out and partied pretty hard.” Pretty fitting when you think about it. Rourke is the male equivalent of a Bai Ling. Just with a lot more talent and a little less eccentric style of dress.

In related news, Mickey Rourke denied rumors that he used HGH or other sports drugs to bulk up for The Wrestler. It all started with a quote from his interview in Men’s Journal where he said, “When I’m a wrestler, I behave like a wrestler.” Rourke, however, concedes, “I did some stuff. You wouldn’t classify it as steroids, but I did some heavy duty supplements … but not the regular stuff.” A lot of supplements do have stuff like nanodrone which is basically a steroid. So, whatever. I’m sticking with the rumor Mickey Rourke did steroids. Who cares though. It’s not like he’s winning gold medals in the Olympics. He’s sucking face with Bai Ling. It’s expected someone would need drugs to do that.

If you thought you were going to see pictures of Bai Ling not flashing her nipple or not acting like a lunatic, then obviously you don’t know Bai Ling very well because here she is, doing just those things. Surprise?!

There’s something wrong with Bai Ling. Specifically her nipples. They won’t stay covered. It’s quite disturbing. Every day my heart rate increases, my hands start sweating and I feel a little nauseous as I surf the net praying I don’t have to see Bai Ling’s tit. Isn’t there something we, as a people, can do to make sure this doesn’t ever happen again? Like duct taping her mouth shut and throwing her off a bridge into piranha infested waters? Too much? Not enough? Maybe you have a better idea?

Here’s Bai Ling on the set of Crank 2. I dare you to try to make sense of this. You may want to begin by asking yourself these questions. One, who cast Bai Ling and two, what the fuck is she doing? In one shot, she’s dry humping Jason Stathman. In another, her tit is popping out and in another, she’s maniacally prancing down the street with a bloody nose. Given the circumstances, in between those last two shots someone must have done what any morally conscious person would do and punched her in the face.

If you’re wondering, last week Amy Smart was on set with tape over her nipples. This is like going from sex with Jessica Alba to sex with an angry badger.

News of Bai Ling’s arrest made the rounds yesterday and it was only a matter of time before her mugshot was released. To call her beautiful would be an understatement. She is that and so much more. My stomach does little flips when just looking at her picture. Is this love? E! gives a reason for her insanity yesterday.

She was dealing with the “huge problem of breaking up [before] Valentine’s Day” when she was arrested for shoplifting, Ling told E! News, and she added simply, “Wrong boyfriend.”

Damon Elliott, a close pal of Ling’s, also told E! News she was definitely not herself yesterday.

“She was kind of in a mentally unstable state of mind yesterday,” he said. “She had some relationship issues going on. She wasn’t in the right frame of mind.”

Elliot continued: “She was very spacey and that was pretty much what happened. She was distracted and had a lot of things going on.”

Ah, yes. I remember quite well. Last time my girlfriend broke up with me, I stole a car and kidnapped a little girl. I finally came to my senses and realized it probably wasn’t the smartest thing to do so I pushed her out onto the freeway and things were right again.

Did you know: Did you know that if you combine her first and last name it’s “bailing” as in, “Suuuuure I’ll be bailing you out.”

Bai Ling was arrested at LAX for allegedly pilfering two celebrity magazines and a pack of batteries from a terminal store. The girl with a penchant for nipple slips even blogged about her LAX trip — she has a blog?! — but left out the part where she was arrested. TMZ has the details.

Law enforcement sources tell us Ling walked into the gift shop around 4:30 PM yesterday — and walked out with the goods; total value around $16. She was placed under citizen’s arrest by a shop employee. We’re told that a “cooperative but crying” Ling was taken by Airport Police to the station, where she was booked for theft.

This girl is weird. Not crazy-weird like Britney Spears. Just. Weird. In almost every one of her pictures, she’s wearing garish clothes and manages to slip her nipple. Sometimes she even breaks into song and dance. Now she’s committing misdemeanors at airport terminals. If you ever see her dunking her head in a koi pond trying to catch fish with her teeth, don’t be alarmed. It’s perfectly normal.

Everything you needed to know about hippity-hoppity dancing is contained in this video. Here at Club Play celebrating porn star Mary Carey’s birthday, Bai Ling breaks it down for all you suckas. It’s a miracle the place didn’t burn to the ground because Bai Ling was on fire. A few moves I spotted were the “Angry baby”, the “Oh my god, I’m having a seizure” and the “Watch this tampon wiggle out of my vagina”. She also shakes her ass in a little person’s face. See? I said little person instead of midget. I’m PC.

Here’s Bai Ling at Cannes exposing herself yet again. This chick has taken all the fun out of a celebrity nipple slip. It’s like having crème brûlée once in a while for dessert and then slowly replacing every meal with crème brûlée until you become so sick of it you begin wondering what would happen if you ate that two year old yogurt in the back of the fridge. It’s only been two years and black-green is such a pretty color. I’d be stupid not to eat it. Wait a minute. Did I just compare Bai Ling’s nipple to a pastry consisting of a rich custard base topped with a layer of hard caramel? Great, now she’s ruined crème brûlée for me too. I hate you. Anyway, Bai Ling’s nipples have probably been etched into your memory, but check out her crazy eyes. She’s like the Asian Paris Hilton. These are NSFW. Did I even need to say that?

• Lost hit a record low this week. [Hollywood Backwash]
• Katie Holmes in Bazaar. [Ninja Dude]
• Milli Vanilli the movie. [BWE]
• Nelly Furtado has cankles? [TSW]
• Bai Ling poses with a flower? [Dlisted]
• Some chick from The Real World is in softcore porn. [Drunken Stepfather]

I don’t know what’s wrong with this girl. She’s either severley fashion challenged or she’s color blind. Either way, it makes for a bad wardrobe. I know stars want an outfit that’s unique, but when your outfit burns corneas, it may be time to hire someone to dress you. In Bai Ling’s case, she could pick a bum off the street and he won’t do any worse. If you stuck Bai Ling in a peacock farm during mating season, all the male peacocks would take one look and walk away knowing they have no chance in hell.