Paula Abdul recently went on Barbara Walters’ Sirius and XM show to air her grievances about American Idol and Paula Goodspeed’s. This was discussed yesterday morning on The View. In Paula’s mind, producers and Simon Cowell were out to get her. Paula alleges they knew Goodspeed was unstable and had been stalking her for 18 years.

Abdul claims Idol producers ignored her protests and only brought on Goodspeed to make drama. Not only that, Simon is sabotaging her by always talking through a piece in her ear which causes her to lose her train of thought which causes her to look crazy when Ryan Seacrest asks what’s up.

These are pretty serious allegations. Good thing they’re coming from Paula. Paula can launch into this long speech decrying the franchise and the only thing Fox has to do is smirk, point at Paula, spin their finger around their ear and go, “cuckoo, cuckoo.”

John McCain was a guest on that estrogen fueled talk show The View today. During the interview, McCain said he wanted to constitution to be interpreted the way it was originally intended. Whoopi got a little heated and asked, “Should I be worried about being a slave, about being returned to slavery because crtain things happened in the Constitution that you had to change?” McCain looked like a deer in headlights and stuttered a correction and Barbara, concerned, assured Whoopi that “Us white folk would take care of you.”

Uhh… well… I’m sure Whoopi and Sherri are overjoyed to hear that they’d be taken care of by those magnanimous white folk. Unless, what Barbara meant by “taking care of” was that white folk would give Whoopi a real nice shack to stay in on their plantation, in which case, awkwaaarrrd.

Via Dlisted

Star Jones responded to Barbara Walters’ hurtful words today by calling her a bunch of names like any mature, rational adult would.

“It is a sad day when an icon like Barbara Walters, in the sunset of her life, is reduced to publicly branding herself as an adulterer, humiliating an innocent family with accounts of her illicit affair and speaking negatively against me all for the sake of selling a book,” Jones told Us. “It speaks to her true character.”

Star actually had another two paragraphs to read, but gave up because she was still really winded from the first one so, instead, she bought some hamburgers.

Barbara Walters went on Oprah yesterday to promote her tell-all book, Audition: A Memoir. She discussed a variety of topics ranging from Star Jones being fat then being skinny, Rosie O’Donnell being temperamental and her affair with Edward Brooke, the first black senator to be popularly elected.

Regarding Star Jones, Barbara said everyone knew she had gastric bypass surgery, but Star made them lie on air saying it was portion control and Pilates that led to her dramatic weight loss. Which is completely retarded since everyone knew Star could barely bend over to touch her knees much less do Pilates. In fact, Barbara said Star was so fat she could barely walk on set. Other fun facts revealed by Barbara include: Rosie O’Donnell having severe emotional problems and never considering herself Sen. Edward Brooke’s mistress even though she was. However, Barbara didn’t talk about her childhood which was a total letdown because I’ve always wanted to know what it was like when dinosaurs ruled the Earth.

Rosie O’Donnell went on another spiel Wednesday night as usual. She pretty much admitted Barbara Walters fired her and that Barbara Walters uses Astroglide. Wait, what?

Rosie claimed onstage that Walters and other “View” couchmates wear earpieces through which producers tell them what to say, which she refused to do.

Rosie also confided that she and the veteran newswoman were actually so close early on in her tenure as moderator that Walters recommended Rosie use Astroglide, which, she added, took her by surprise.

Imagining Barbara Walters using lube is gross. Rosie O’Donnell saying it makes it even more gross. But, I’m not surprised. Barbara’s vagina must be drier than the Sahara. If you want to know what having sex with Barbara Walters is like, all you have to do is rub your penis between two pieces of sandpaper. If you want to know what a threesome with Barbara and Rosie is like, keep the sandpaper, but also dump 4 buckets of KFC original recipe onto the floor and roll around in it. Don’t forget to vomit either because that’s what you’ll be doing well after it’s over.

Barbara Walters was supposed to score the first post-jail interview with Paris Hilton due to her long standing friendship with the Hiltons. At least, that’s what Barbara thought before the Hiltons took NBC’s much better offer. They were reportedly paid $1 million.

“I kinda figured I’d get the interview,” Walters said on ABC’s “The View.” “It turns out there were other considerations.” That’s when NBC blew ABC out of the water with a big-money offer, Walters said. The Post first reported NBC had agreed to pay the Hiltons $1 million – be fore the network backed out due to public outrage. “NBC’s was much more, and Rick Hilton said to me, ‘You know I owe you one, and I’m sorry, but we’re going to go with NBC,’ ” Walters recalled.

Money well spent NBC. You paid Paris Hilton to lie to your face. Rather, to Larry King’s face. A changed person? Never did drugs? You could have paid a chimpanzee a banana and gotten a better interview. America could have watched poo being flung at Larry King. Instead, we got to watch a functional retard talk about nothing.

Rosie O’Donnell has now officially alienated everyone that could be considered her friend. Yesterday morning Rosie berated Barbara and called her a fucking liar after Barbara didn’t outright call Donald a liar. It started when Barbara came back from her vacation and tried to give Rosie a hug.

According to spies, O’Donnell recoiled from Walters’ touch and yelled, “You kept me in the newspapers this whole time!” Both “View” producer Bill Geddie and Walters tried to calm O’Donnell. Walters told her, “I did everything I could to squash the story” – prompting Rosie to scream, “You didn’t call me for 10 goddamn days, and you didn’t tell me what you were going to say on television!”

After O’Donnell’s outburst at Walters yesterday, Geddie jumped in and told her, “You’ve crossed the line.” O’Donnell retorted, “Cameras are now outside of my house where my wife and kids are.” She turned to Walters and said, “You went all around this and never called [Trump] a liar. You never said, ‘Donald is lying.’ You never called him a liar.” When Walters tried to defend herself, O’Donnell erupted, “Are you looking me in the face and denying you didn’t tell him you didn’t say this? You’re a [bleeping] liar.”

When I read this, I imagined Rosie as an angry bear shouting at Barbara. It made me giggle. I also imagined donut powder flying from Rosie’s mouth and butter smeared across her cheek. Then I thought about the situation a little longer and realized I have a pretty good imagination because I’m 100% certain that’s exactly what this scene looked like. The banner is of Ivanka Trump and I think you know why.

The Donald-Rosie feud continues as Trump calls Barbara Walters a liar. She had this to say on The View in response to Donald’s claim that she hated Rosie,

“Nothing could be further from the truth,” Walters told viewers yesterday. “I have never regretted, nor do I now, the hiring of Rosie O’Donnell.”

Donald is adamant Barbara told him on the phone that Rosie was awful. Now Trump goes a little further and takes credit for the higher ratings of The View. Donald’s ingenious explanation follows,

“The ratings are up a little bit, from their worst year, and the only reason ratings are up because of her attack dog attacking people. The difference is those people never fought back.”

This guy is getting a little more annoying every day. Like a chihuahua learning how to bark. Oh and guess what, Donald’s Apprentice show is debuting sometime soon. What a coincidence. I wonder what Donald’s reaction to being slapped in the face would be. I bet he would cry like a little girl and ask for another. It’s obvious he’s into sadomasochism. Miss USA picture because I’d rather look at her than either one of these two.

Yesterday on The View, Barbara Walters claimed her Havanese dog said “I love you” to her. Senile? No way. She has proof. Barbara is bringing the woman who was with her onto the show to back up her claims.

People think she’s lost it, but it’s already been proven that animals can talk. Don’t you people remember that crazy talking chihuahua who loved tacos and that jerk, Mister Ed? For the love of God, don’t you remember Mister Ed?!