PEOPLE just got finished naming Beyonce, a 16-time Grammy winner, actress, style and beauty “icon” and new mother, 2012 World’s Most Beautiful Woman.

The award seems more based on merit and current popularity than anything else. Not that Beyonce isn’t beautiful but given the choice between having sex with Megan Fox and Beyonce and barring the option of doing both at the same time, I’d go with Megan Fox.

The award should be titled, “A-lister with the most publicity generated in the past 4 months.” Though to be fair, that would be a little wordy.

Beyonce left her NYC apartment with her haute couture camouflaged baby yesterday. Not everything was hidden though. You could see her kid’s leg hanging out. So at least we have something to scrutinize for 10 hours over. I can’t wait until Us Weekly brings in their body language expert. Judging by the angle the leg is dangling and the slight curvature of the knee, experts agree that she’s being fed the finest Beluga caviar baby food money can buy.

Beyonce and Jay-Z hit up St. Barths on Monday to take a break from that god damn screaming kid. As it’s only been four months since she popped that little girl out, there’s no way Beyonce is slipping into a two-piece or even turning around to show her stomach for that matter.

In fact, all of these photos are either of Beyonce’s top half or back. Odd considering the photog must have been there the whole day and there’s no way he missed Beyonce walking out of the water and onto the beach unless she’s Flash Gordon. It’s as if they somehow convinced the agency to not post the photos. *Rubs fingers together*

Update: Or check here for the full frontal shots.

Even though Tumblr is one of the most popular microblogging services, they’ve been losing money. Tumblr probably hopes that now Beyonce has opened up her Tumblr to the public, it’ll open the flood gates to other celebrities who’ll look at her blog and go “Oh, that’s cool. How do I get one?” To which Tumblr will reply, “Haha, fools. Pay us $5 million and we’ll tell you.” In all honesty, her private now public Tumblr does look nice. It’s basically, a Facebook timeline without all the frustration.

In addition to her Tumblr, Beyonce also launched her new website and Twitter account. Now you can follow her on whatever medium you prefer. Stalking has never been easier.

If you’re wondering why we haven’t seen any pictures of Blue Ivy Carter since Jay-Z and Beyonce posted a few on their blog, maybe this new story will give an explanation.

“Beyonce says Blue changes every day and looks just like Jay now,” Toronto native Fiona, 28, recently told Us Weekly.

Blue Ivy is transforming into Jay-Z. Oh… now it all makes sense.

Beyonce Knowles was taken to Sant Ambroeus in NYC’s West Village for lunch by Jay-Z last Saturday where three sources confirmed that she just sat there at her table with her boob out nursing her baby girl.

Actually, I don’t know if her boob was just flopped out right there on the table, she probably used more discretion, but it sure does make the story sound hotter. I’m a little disappointed no one snapped pictures though. If you want to make it in this world, you have to stifle those useless feelings called “shame” and “fear that Jay-Z will kick your ass.”

Over the weekend, Jay-Z and Beyonce skipped the Grammys for a pizza date in Brooklyn where a fellow diner congratulated him on his baby.

Instead, Beyonce, 30, and Jay-Z (real name: Shawn Carter), 42, took a Maybach from their home in downtown Manhattan’s Tribeca neighborhood to the cute Carroll Gardens section of Brooklyn — where they tucked into pizza at their favorite posh pizzeria Lucali.

Leaving one-month-old daughter Blue Ivy at home, the music super couple “were just like a regular couple talking and whatnot,” a witness tells Us Weekly, adding that other patrons failed to notice them. “They were sitting in front of the place closer to where they make the pizza.” Us Weekly

Meanwhile, Beyonce’s stylist, June Ambrose explained why the two chose to release their baby photos on Tumblr instead of a weekly.

“B really really thought about this,” Ambrose told Us Saturday, “and she really wanted to do it this way. She just couldn’t imagine selling pictures of her baby.”

And the pictures are “accurate,” Ambrose added. “A girl with big full lips, she’ll be a supermodel, I can’t wait! And her eyes — she’s gorgeous!”

If the litmus test for whether or not babies will become a supermodel is big, full lips, then why do parents complain when I punch their annoying, screaming  babies in the mouths.

Most celebrities start negotiating deals with magazines for exclusive shots of their baby when their kid is still a zygote. They want to squeeze as much money out of that stupid kid before they become a pain in the ass. However, at least two celebrities still have their dignity. Jay-Z and Beyonce. Sure, they’re trademarking Blue Ivy Carter’s name, but they opted to post her baby pictures on a Tumblr blog instead of a 10 page spread in PEOPLE magazine.

Kris Jenner and Dina Lohan almost died of a heart attack when they heard about this.

Blue Ivy Carter isn’t even two weeks old yet and Beyonce and Jay-Z are already spoiling her rotten. They’ve already spent over $1.5 million in toys and equipment for the kid. What have they bought to ensure every other kid in the world will hate her with a passion?

- A $15,000 Swarovski-studded high chair by Carla Monchen
- A Fantasy ‘posh tots’ coach carriage crib for $22,000
- A $600,000 solid gold handmade Ginza Tanaka rocking horse
- A $30,000 magical windmill playhouse and mini-Bugatti
- $350,000 ensuring the nurseries in their three homes are identical
- A wardrobe of one-off designer clothes that the kid will outgrow in a year

This kid is going to be such an entitled princess but loved by all. At school, she’ll be all like, “Hey, guys. Let’s take a ride in my mini-Bugatti to my solid gold rocking horse located in my magical windmill house.” Meanwhile, little Timmy listening within earshot, rocking on his homemade rocking horse, will be all like, “Aww, f**k you!”

In honor of Blue Ivy’s birth, Jay-Z dropped a new single titled “Glory” where he reveals that before there was Blue Ivy, there was a miscarriage. Jay-Z rapped, “Last time the miscarriage was so tragic/We was afraid you’d disappear/But nah baby you magic.”

The track, produced by Pharrell, also features Blue Ivy crying at the end. Most likely after seeing Jay-Z for the first time.

Beyoncé gave birth to a healthy baby girl on Saturday in New York. “The most beautiful girl in the world,” Beyoncé’s sister, Solange Knowles, Tweeted Sunday morning.

This is good news for everyone especially Beyonce because now she won’t have to wear that enhanced baby bump anymore and worry about it folding in on itself. I’m told that is the #1 cause for concern among expectant celebrity mothers.

And if you’re wondering, yes, this baby has a dumb name like half of all the other celebrity babies out there. Sources tell E! they named her Blue Ivy Carter.

Beyoncé apparently names her babies by combining her favorite color and favorite plant. It’s sort of like figuring out what your pornstar name would be by combining the name of your first pet and the first street you lived on.

Reports last week said staff at St. Luke’s Roosevelt Hospital were gearing up for a big VIP who booked half the floor of the hospital’s luxury Labor and Delivery Suite. The assumption was it was Beyonce but there was always some doubt because she didn’t make a big spectacle about it like turning her hospital bed towards an open window so the whole world could see the baby come out of her.

Looks like our doubts were not unfounded because NYDN says Beyonce and Jay-Z had a quiet New Year’s Eve dinner at Buttermilk Channel in Brooklyn and Beyonce still had her enhanced baby bump. Solange, feeling a little left out, tweeted a confirmation, “Shout out to my sister for being THE cutest pregnant woman ever!” If she thinks that, then, clearly, Solange has been locked in the basement a little too long.

Rumors are flying that security at the New York’s St. Luke’s Roosevelt Hospital is on high alert and that Beyonce is the celebrity VIP that booked half the floor of the hospital’s luxury Labor and Delivery Suite. That would be the exact suite Alicia Keys used to deliver her baby.

No confirmation on whether or not the celebrity VIP is actually Beyonce but you’d think it wouldn’t be considering how she isn’t making a big deal about it. I would have expected her to fling open her hospital room windows and wave to the people like Evita while the doctor shoves a speculum in her.