If you asked me what Audrina Patridge does these days, the best I could come up with is that she puts on a bikini and crosses her fingers that the paparazzi will take pictures of her again. Looks like her dreams finally came true while she was at the ME Cabo Hotel in Mexico.

Jennifer Lopez still hasn’t decided whether or not she’s returning to American Idol citing a busy schedule, a major concert tour with Enrique Iglesias and kids to take care of. But you can just chalk that up to a negotiation tactic that’s working. Sources inside Fox say the network is like a battered housewife who doesn’t want to let her go.

This is all amusing since it was Idol that reignited her career. Whatever though. She’s in the latest edition of Vogue where she poses in a bikini and swimsuit. Take a minute for that to sink in. Jennifer Lopez who was close to being pushed into irrelevancy a few years ago is now on Vogue. Her turnaround was bigger than the one John Travolta did when he found out his masseuse was going to be a girl.

Anne Hathaway romped around the ocean in Miami in a black bikini today without her $150,000 engagement ring while sporting her pixie cut that doesn’t really work for her because it exaggerates her already exaggerated features. She just looks like a living, breathing caricature of herself now.

Julianne Hough talked to Glamour Magazine about her role in Rock of Ages where she plays a wannabe actress in the 80s who turns to stripping. She said she loved playing the part because the costumes were so gross that they were glorious.

‘We’re not making fun of the 80s but we’re living it up with the choreography and the music, and the humour is out of this world. When we were in wardrobe and testing I’d be like, ‘Oh this is gross. It’s perfect!’ ”

She also had to learn how to pole dance and was surprised by how difficult it was.

”It’s really hard and the strength needed is incredible. When I was practicing, my arms were ripped – I’d never had that much definition before.

”One of my friends tried it too and she loved it, so we’re going to take stripper classes together.”

Of course, she said this with a nod and a wink knowing a few guys would probably read that quote and this was the only way to get them to see a musical starring Tom Cruise.

You must wake up every day thinking to yourself, “I hope today’s the day I see a former ‘Real Housewives of New York’ star suffer a ‘wardrobe malfunction’ at Miami Beach.” Well, it finally happened. Kelly Bensimon had a wardrobe malfunction when she was swimming but noticed the photogs all snickering and readjusted herself, laughing it off (NSFW version here, here). You may now go on living knowing your life is complete.

Apart from those twice weekly posts of Ashley Benson, Vanessa Hudgens and Selena Gomez filming in bikinis, we haven’t heard much of Spring Breakers. Interview Magazine is here to help. The four (?) girls and James Franco did a shoot with the magazine in which the ladies talk about playing against their type hoping this is what’ll allow them to break out of those teeny bopper High School Musical roles Hollywood always wants to cast them in. Apparently, how far they break from the mold is proportional to how much boob they show.

Sure, Maryna Linchuk is no Candice Swanepoel, but are you really going to complain about seeing a Victoria’s Secret model in three different bikinis? That’d be like complaining about having to sleep with Sara Underwood after having slept with Megan Fox. Sure, it’s a very, very slight downgrade but in the end, you still stole both my girlfriends. I’m going to kill you!

Strictly Come Dancing’s (yea, I don’t know what that is either) Aliona Vilani hit up Miami beach on Thursday and being a dancer, she obviously has a nice body. So why not show it off? That’s why I always wear a mesh tank and boy shorts when I go out. Give the people what they want. That’s my motto.

Anyway, I’d just focus at her body since she has an Uma Thurman thing going on with her face. It didn’t help that a huge string of snot was hanging out her nose either. Man, these pictures are getting me all hot.

If Candice Swanepoel’s plan was to trick me into falling in love with her by making me stare at pictures of her in a bikini all day, it’s working. She’s so nefarious.

YouTube clutched their pearls so tightly when they saw Kate Upton showing off her fancy Cat Daddy moves in a bikini yesterday that they ended up banning the video claiming it violated their policy on nudity or sexual content. Which is complete bs since there are a ton of spammy videos worse than this like here (NSFW) and here (NSFW and even has nipple but is age restricted).

Luckily, YouTube isn’t the only video sharing site around so the video was uploaded to Vimeo whose rules aren’t so puritan. Speaking of puritan, here’s photos of Kate Upton in her Terry Richardson shoot with her nipples shopped out. Possibly at her request. Why you no have nipples, Kate Upton?!

If a Victoria’s Secret beach bikini shoot was an exam, Candice Swanepoel would have passed with flying colors. She wouldn’t even have to study for it. They would nickname her The Prodigy. That’s how good she is at looking hot in a bikini.

On another note, this person has the greatest job in the world. “Wait, hold on. Let me splash some more water on your ass. Mm yea. Just like that.” Of course, she probably sounds a lot less creepy doing it than I would.

Remember when Kate Upton gave the internet a boner by doing the Dougie? Well, Terry Richardson has his own YouTube channel now (creepy pervs everywhere rejoice)  and one of the first interesting things he put on there was Kate Upton in a bikini demonstrating the Cat Daddy. I have no idea what that is so I watched it over and over about 4 times and then slowed the video down to about half speed and watched it another 4 times. For research.

Swiss TV host and model Michelle Hunziker made her way to Miami beach with her daughter and friends this afternoon. If you’re wondering why she’s all wet in the photo up top, well, I do remember sending her a picture of myself.