I have no idea who Carmen Ortega is but she was in Beverly Hills doing a bikini shoot for photographer and former playmate Raquel Richards.

Something else I have no idea about? What was going on with her stomach. It was a little disconcerting.

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Here’s 2012 Playboy Playmate Nikki Leigh doing a photo shoot at Santa Monica beach. I’m not entirely sure why she’s getting popular all of a sudden, but you can see the Playboy video she shot here (NSFW) and her shooting a calendar below.

An interesting fact about her is she graduated cum laude from Cal State Fullerton which is coincidentally what she does in my bed every night. Because she has a lot of orgasms, you see.

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I don’t know how Candice Swanepoel became the hottest Victoria’s Secret model but she did. Let’s not argue about it, okay?

In celebration, I’m going to take her out to the fanciest restaurant I know. Arby’s. Don’t worry, Candice. Order whatever your heart desires. The world is your oyster.

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Good news. It’s Friday. Better news. It’s Friday afternoon. Even better news. Lily Aldridge was in St. Barts in a bikini doing a photo shoot for Victoria’s Secret and now pictures from the shoot are online. Feel free to look at these while you spend the next hour or so in your office counting down the minutes to beer o’clock.

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Doutzen Kores is still in Miami with her amazing abs posing in the water and showing off her ass. I’m pretty sure she was trying to flirt with me. Well, Doutzen, it’s gonna take a little more than pushing out your ass to get in these pants. Just kidding, no it won’t.

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Here’s Julianne Hough in Miami hanging out by the pool in her bikini looking kind of hot. I don’t even care that she’s plain or that you could throw a rock in LA and hit at least 20 other girls that look like her. Her body is amazing and staring at her is the closest I’ve come to human contact all week. Don’t ruin this for me, man.

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Here’s Vida Guerra (who we talked to back in January) in Miami at the beach in one of those bikini things. It’s good to know that ass hasn’t left her yet. You’d think it’d have clapped its hands like a blackjack dealer and yelled, “I’m out!,” by now.

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Rachel Bilson and Hayden Christensen hit up the beach in Barbados yesterday. The photo agency said Rachel took some pictures of her friend posing with a small monkey. I looked at the tiny thumbnail and thought that was incredibly racist. Then I clicked the thumbnail. Turns out I might be the incredibly racist one.

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Here’s The Spin Crowd’s Lauren Stoner in a bikini in Miami over the weekend. As you can see, there’s a reason why half of these pictures are of her turned around. But she gets a few points deducted for being on a reality show Kim Kardashian produces. Yikes. That’s like having John Wayne Gacy endorse your clown routine.

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Jessica Alba was on vacation too. Not in Miami but in St. Barts. Here she is in a bikini diving into the water with her kid. I’d like to think she was teaching her to swim using the old throw her in and hope she figures it out method. It’s pretty hit or miss. I’ve found it only works on 1 out of every 3 children. On the other hand, who wanted all three kids anyway? Amirite?

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