Long story short, Amy Winehouse’s ex, Blake-Fielder Civil, met a pre-op Amy Winehouse lookalike tranny named Mia McHugh on Facebook and had sex with him/her regularly at a hotel. Then he dumped him/her and now he’s engaged to Sarah Aspin.

“I was lying there and his hands were all over me. Then he suddenly realised.

“He stopped, looked at me, and said, ‘Are you a transsexual’? I told him yes and he just smiled.

After several weeks confused Blake told 26-year-old Amy, from whom he was divorced last July, about the liaisons.

The Back to Black superstar then telephoned Mia. And in a taped conversation obtained by The Sun she said: “I don’t care what Blake does.

“I want to thank you. I mean it, thank you, because I haven’t been around.

“You’re a beautiful girl. But Blake and I are best friends – we’re the same person. He loves someone else and there is only one me.”

Blake is coked up 24/7 so her being a tranny probably didn’t make much difference to him. Maybe he thought he was fondling his own penis when he was jerking him/her off. That happens sometimes. Um, not to me though. To… my friend.

Hey, guys. Guess what? A London judge granted Blake Fielder-Civil a divorce from Amy Winehouse today. She’s single. Rawr. So get those sweater vests ready and fill your Camelbaks with Jack Daniels if you plan on going on a date with her and get ready to experience six months of pent up sexual frustration. This is going to be so hot.

Upon hearing her husband Blake Fielder-Civil had been released from jail, Amy Winehouse cut short her 71-day vacation in St. Tropez and grabbed the first flight back to London to save her relationship. However, it was not without incident.

Winehouse went off on a guy who she thought was “giving her the eye.” A friend said, “she was nervous about coming back and seeing Blake so it didn’t take much to push her over the edge.” No one knows what “strange looks” Amy was referring to, but you can probably guess the guy was checking out Amy and praying she didn’t come over and kick his ass. A recent poll shows that’s the number one concern among passengers flying with Amy Winehouse. Coming in second was “flying sober.”

If you haven’t heard, Amy’s husband / ex-husband Blake Fielder-Civil violated probation by failing a drug test in rehab and will be heading back to jail. Before he went though, Blake convinced Amy’s friends to let him be by her bedside (Amy is currently in the hospital after fainting for the 100th time). They granted his request and that’s when the unspeakable happened. Blake and Amy had goodbye sex on the hospital bed. People with weak stomachs, you may not want to read ahead. The Sun writes:

He told Amy, 25, how sexy she looked — and unlike the line from her hit Rehab, she could not say “No, no, no”.

The source added: “It was obvious what went on.”

Well, it’s clear what has to happen now. That room has to be burned to the ground, bodies have to be sanitized and I’ll have to undergo electrotherapy to help me forget. Please. Let me forget.

Amy Winehouse has admitted that she is seeking a divorce and claims that her marriage to Blake Fielder-Civil is un-salvageable. Blake has already moved on with a German model named Sophie. Sorry, Winehouse fans.

Additionally, Winehouse, unsolicited, mentioned they were just in it for the sex which caused everyone to dry heave. Despite adamant refusals by News of the World to not go any further and plugging their ears and going, “Lalalalala,” the source went on to describe it.

“It’s been a real eye-opener,” said our source. “Amy told me they were mad for each other, experimenting all the time.

“Mostly it was Blake suggesting new things but Amy doesn’t need encouragement. They were like animals, at it all the time.

“Just like they were with drugs, they pushed themselves to the limit.

“They were into threesomes. It was Blake’s idea but Amy said she’d been with women before so it wasn’t a problem. She said she’s had a string of female lovers.

“Whenever Blake said he wanted three-in-a-bed Amy would fix it.

“They didn’t care about sharing themselves with others because it turned them on. They thought they were on this sexual journey together.

“And the pair of them were into some real kinky stuff, not just the usual bondage and sex games but really gross stuff you couldn’t mention in a newspaper.

“Amy said that was the basis for their relationship. It was built on sex so when he went inside prison there was nothing for them to fall back on.

“Stuff you couldn’t mention in a newspaper.” They probably injected their genitals with heroin while rubbing their infected wounds over each other; the friction of their bodies causing their scabs to peel off and ooze out puss. In their heads, this was probably the most exhilarating and beautiful thing in the world. To anyone else accidentally walking in, it would look like two mangy, rabid, frothy badgers fighting over a piece of meat.

Blake Fielder-Civil, the man many blame for destroying Amy Winehouse, was released after serving a year in jail for perverting justice. Amy wasn’t there to greet him, opting instead to stay home and lunge at photographers. Blake checked into a rehab facility right away as part of his agreement.

Georgette Civil said in July: ‘Giving him and Amy another chance is like putting a gun to Blake’s head while playing Russian roulette.’

‘If he goes it could be a death sentence for the two of them.’

Despite the fact that Blake spent 12 months behind bars, Amy still managed to screw herself up even more. Amy is currently receiving ongoing treatment for a “chest infection” most likely brought on by drugs and continues to look more beat and scabby every day. In six months, expect Amy to look like the Sith Lord from Star Wars.

[Image via Splash News]

The Sun says Amy Winehouse posted the uncensored version of this picture on her Facebook page. The Sun also suggests that the part they’re covering up is what keeps Amy and Blake together. One may think the pink star is covering his penis, but don’t be fooled, it’s actually a brick of heroin.

Meanwhile, Blake, still in prison, was offered early release which he refused. Partially because he’s big dumbass and partially because  the terms were he’d have to live with his mom and wear an electronic bracelet.

A source says he’d rather be in prison close to Amy and friends than somewhere else. Odd because there are these things called cars, trains and planes. The real reason may be that his mom won’t let him do heroin and coke at her place. Mom’s are weird like that. All they do is nag, nag, nag. Overdose this and hospital bills that.

Amy Winehouse’s husband, Blake Fielder-Civil, made a miscalculated attempt to skirt jail time as he plead to a judge to set him free so he could be a “role model” for Amy. The judge thought for a second, nodded his head and sentenced him to 27 months in prison.

‘Knowing the nation’s glare is upon him, Mr Fielder-Civil has every possible motive to rehabilitate himself in the way he has already shown he is fully committed to doing. He knows if he fails, an appointment with calamity awaits, not just for himself but for his wife.

‘He can now see that hard drugs are to be regarded as nothing other than a smiling assassin. He wishes now to become a role model for Miss Winehouse but he knows it would be impossible for her to alienate herself from drugs if he continues to befriend them.’

I hope his only defense wasn’t him implying that Amy Winehouse is a national treasure and that he should be appointed the honorary guardian. Because that would be sort of embarrassing. And I also hope the judge didn’t laugh too hard when he handed out his sentence. I don’t want that poor man to get a stomach cramp or anything.

Blake Fielder-Civil is currently incarcerated waiting to be sentenced on Thursday for perverting justice and GBH. Ever since his imprisonment, he has claimed to be clean and sober. Naturally, he was lying. The Sun UK today put up pictures of Blake smoking crack; hours before girlfriend, Amy Winehouse, asked for his release during her performance at Nelson Mandel’s birthday party.

“Blake takes heroin whenever he can get hold of it. His claims to be clean are a fallacy and it is obvious he remains dependent.

“There is nothing to suggest he won’t carry on when he’s outside and back with Amy. If she takes him back into her life when she is trying to get clean it will be a recipe for disaster.”

There’s a good chance Amy Winehouse and Blake will never really be clean. It’s best if we just release them into the Amazon jungle like you would a pet rabbit or a pregnant girlfriend.

Amy Winehouse has been on a downward spiral for the better part of this and last year. Now her career may well be over. News of the World obtained leaked footage of Amy Winehouse singing a racist chant, “Blacks, Pakis, Gooks and Nips, Gooks and Nips! (And deaf and dumb and blind and gay!)” to the tune of the popular kids song, “Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes.” The video was shot by husband Blake Fielder-Civil, currently in prison, in what NOTW describes as a “crack den (her home?). An apt description since Amy is surrounded by what appears to be heroin, a homemade crack pipe and other drug paraphernalia. That’s not all. NOTW also has photos:

Some of the most bizarre photos show Blake and Amy horsing around on a bed, their faces almost touching, and swapping white tablets from mouth to mouth.

Another catches Amy, obviously out of her head and clutching her homemade crack pipe, as she turns hooded eyes, deadened by the drug, to the lens. In further scenes the depths the couple have sunk to is illustrated by the seedy sex scenes Blake was eager to record on video.

One shows a disinterested Amy pleasuring him with one hand while chatting matter-of-factly on a phone held in the other.

Our source said: “What’s really telling is Amy’s clear lack of enthusiasm. From her demeanour, she looks under the influence and it appears Blake probably is too. Videoing something like that is so sleazy.”

There’s more shocking footage filmed in the public stairwell of a hotel. First Blake asks Amy to perform oral sex on him. A woozy-looking Amy asks: “Are you vidding (videoing)?” and Blake tells her to wink at the camera.

What’s more disturbing than the video is the fact Amy Winehouse fondled Blake’s package without his penis shriveling up and falling off. Couple that with the fact that Blake gave Amy an open invitation to fellate him and you may have the most shocking video ever. I’d rather rape a sleeping bear than have sexual contact with Amy. That way, when I explain to people that my genitals are mangled because I molested a 500 pound animal, their level of disgust will be much lower than had I told them it’s because Amy Winehouse put her mouth on it.

News of the World also has other details like “Blake takes baths with dudes” and “Blake’s bearded friends touch his crotch.”

Amy Winehouse’s incarcerated husband, Blake Fielder-Civil, overdosed in north London’s Pentonville prison. Blake along with six other inmates were near death, vomiting and writhing in pain after they injected themselves with contaminated heroin. The doctor’s were able to save him. As a result of this incident, Amy drew a teardrop under her eye for her almost fallen husband.

During the investigation, it was discovered Blake had been trading signed pictures of Amy Winehouse for hits of heroin.

“He’ll take orders from other inmates then ask Amy to bring in signed photos of herself during visits.

“He usually gets her to write a little personalised note to make it look authentic.

 

“Once he’s back on the wing he’ll swap these for Joeys [hits of heroin].

“The boys think they’ll get a few quid for them on eBay. It’s not clear whether she knows exactly what’s going on . . . but she must find it strange that all these so-called prison hardmen have suddenly become starstruck Amy Winehouse fans.”

Why can’t anyone ever overdose on something cooler? Like, gummy bears, rainbows or unicorns. It’s always heroin. What a downer. Just one day I’d like to read cutsey news about a celebrity almost dying after their rectum was impaled by a unicorn. I think we all deserve a sweet story like that.

Is it just me or does Amy Winehouse seem pissed off all the time. I suppose I would be too if I had to use a sharpie for makeup.

The story of Amy Winehouse and her husband Blake Fielder-Civil no longer seems rooted in reality. Looking in from the outside, the situation feels more like a Saturday morning cartoon or a poorly scripted Nickelodeon show. For example, yesterday, Amy Winehouse, now blond and even more haggard, made an appearance at Blake’s court hearing. Amy yelled out, “I love you handsome, gorgeous one,” and blew kisses at her husband. She then told reporters, “I am not talking to you.”

One day, Amy will show everyone how sane she is. She’ll tie a chain to the bars of her husband’s cell and her car, then gun it in a poorly thought out plan to bust him out. And then who’ll be laughing? Hmm?!

Amy cries ‘I love you’ to jailed husband [Yahoo]