Whitney Houston had a long, drawn out memorial over the weekend and Kevin Costner gave one of the better speeches. Probably because his memories of her were when she was lucid and not that into crack.

Meanwhile, Bobby Brown left Whitney’s memorial early. Reports say he brought the usual large enoutrage, this time of nine people, and insisted they sit with him in the family section. Dionne Warwick, Rev. Jesse Jackson and others tried to smooth things over when they were told they couldn’t sit together. He finally had it and left.

Bobby Brown threw a hissy fit at Whitney’s funeral? Sounds odd. He seemed to be a man of such grace and dignity.

In his tell-all book, Bobby Brown claims Whitney Houston was the reason he started doing coke and heroin. Before he married her, he only smoked marijuana.

“I never used cocaine until after I met Whitney. Before then, I had experimented with other drugs, but marijuana was my drug of choice,” Brown writes in “Bobby Brown: The Truth, the Whole Truth and Nothing But,” out next month. “At one point in my life, I used drugs uncontrollably. I was using everything I could get my hands on, from cocaine to heroin, weed and cooked cocaine.”

Bobby also keeps it real classy.

One of his most public indiscretions was an affair with former exotic dancer Karrine “Superhead” Steffans. “Yes, I’ve slept with her,” he confesses. “Yes, I’ve spent several nights at her house. But she was only good for what her nickname stood for.”

I’ll admit. Dating a woman nicknamed “Superhead” does sound pretty awesome. The only qualms I have with that is figuring out the number of guys it takes to make a nickname like that official.

Gimme a ‘C’. Gimme an ‘O’. Gimme a ‘K’ and ‘E’. What’s that spell? Acute myocardial infarction for one Bobby Brown. C’mon Bobby, is this the only way you can get in the news? You don’t have to kill yourself to get some publicity. Just show us your vagina once in awhile. You once starred in your own show on Bravo, now you’re more likely to end up on A+E’s “Intervention”. Poor Whitney will plead, “Please Bobby Bobby, please! Let this NOT be your prerogative!” You used to be such a cute kid in New Edition. Don’t end up to be a gap-toothed basehead. I don’t want to point at the homeless man on the street, storing his urine in bottles as the guy who once sang “Mr. Telephone Man” and “Cool It Now”.

Guest post by Captain Swarthy

Yesterday, Hot 99.5 agreed to pay the $19,500 bail required to get Bobby Brown out of jail. In return, Bobby Brown had to complete a week’s worth of work for the radio station. This morning Bobby Brown seemingly backed out of the deal and denied there was ever an agreement to work for them. The hosts tried to get more answers, but Bobby hung up on them. More here plus the audio.

You can hear Bobby stammering and trying to figure out how to weasel out of the deal. Now Hot 99.5 is out $19,500 with no one to clean the toilets. At least they won’t have to worry about Mr. Brown hitting on the female staffers and then beating them. That’s always a plus.

• Foxy Brown plays the race card. [Celebrity Smack]
• Halle Berry at Ebony pre-Oscar celebration. [Bastardly]
• Outrageous Oscars 2007 celebrity jewelery. [About]
• George Michael addicted to the weed. [Celebitchy]

• Celine Dion’s breasts will go on. [CityRag]
• Keira Knightley is a ghost. [Derek Hail]
• Orlando Bloom and Penelope Cruz. WTF? No, FTW! [Celebslam]
• Of course those Antonella Barba blow job pics were fake. [Glitterati]
• Karolina Kurkova is too hot. [The Grumpiest]

• Sharon Stone aka drunk celebrity auctioneer. [HB]
• Shiloh and Z. [Evil Beet]
• Naomi Campbell has a reality show? [SOW]
• Bobby Brown’s mugshot. [NinjaDude]
• Daryl Hannah thinks Pretty Woman was degrading. [Dlisted]

On Friday, September 8, Whitney Houston filed for divorce from Bobby Brown. Houston, 43, and Brown, 39, wed on July 18, 1992. They have one daughter, Bobbi Kristina, 13.

A little part of me has died. Where else am I going to turn to to hear about spousal abuse, drug abuse, infidelity and Whitney’s feces all rolled into one neat little package?