In least surprising news of the day, child services investigated Kerry Campbell who admitted on Good Morning America last week to injecting her kid Britney with botox and getting her virgin waxes to prepare for beauty pageants. They have since taken the 8-year-old away. Kerry attempted to defend herself in the interview by claiming all the other pageant moms do it. When asked, Britney didn’t know what the botox was for until her mom reminded her.

“If you inject it in the face and it drifts to your throat, it can prevent you from swallowing. If it drifts to your breathing muscles..you can stop breathing. In a young child, if you’re chronically using it on the face, it may actually change the shape of your face because your muscles interact with your bones to form what your face eventually looks like,” Besser said.

Britney is reportedly doing well but no other details were given. ABC News notes that this doesn’t mean Kerry is losing her kid. She may just be redirected to parenting classes or common sense classes where they teach you not to go on national tv and tell the world you stick needles full of cow protein in your 8-year-old’s face, you f**king retard.

Nicole Kidman has long denied using Botox insisting that her mannequin-like forehead is all natural. Everybody knew she was lying, of course, but we humored her anyway. Much like when that retarded kid tells you he can hit a home run. Sure you can, kid. And I’m the queen of England.

Now, in a German magazine interview, Nicole admits that she did used to get Botox injections but has since stopped because she didn’t like the results.

‘I’ve tried a lot of things but apart from working out and a good diet most things don’t help,’ she replied. ‘I even tried Botox but I didn’t like how my face looked afterwards. Now I don’t use it anymore – and I can move my forehead again.’

If you forgot, her face looked like a taut, unnatural mess. There was so much Botox in there that a cow could have grown out of her face.

Nicole Kidman has been in the news a lot this week because of her marriage to Keith Urban. To recap, she is getting married in Australia and on her birthday, the paparazzi sent her flowers and serenaded her through the intercom. Then this morning she was nice enough to send the paparazzi camped outside of her house 24 bottles of Victoria Bitter beer. Some positive reinforcement is always good for the paparazzi because now they’ll cry about not getting fed at other stars’ houses.

Kidman emerged smiling. Asked what she planned for her birthday, she replied: “Not much, dinner at home with mum … boring. Thank you for the flowers and the singing.”

I doubt the paparazzi were ready for the sight of the current Nicole Kidman because I sure as hell wasn’t. What they were treated to was a comedy of horrors. Didn’t anyone tell her scaring people is not very nice. What happened to the Nicole Kidman that was in To Die For?