According to reports, The Avengers made $207M domestically over their 3-day opening weekend bringing its global total to $654.5M. Before this, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 held the record for biggest opening with $169M.

In comparison, last weekend’s second most popular movie, Think Like a Man, made only $14M. Meaning, expect at least two more Avengers movies to be greenlit this week. Any subsequent movies probably won’t ever reach this record but as long as they follow the same formula, Scarlett Johansson’s heaving breasts and Hulk smashing stuff, they should do alright.

If you haven’t heard, emo teens, pre-teens and a few gays with fangs and their parents’ money showed up in droves for the premiere of New Moon over the weekend to give the film the third most successful box office opening ever right behind Spider-Man 3 and The Dark Knight.

The $140.7 million it made is absolutely nauseating considering it’s rated a 4.5/10 on IMDB right now and according to a few reports, is basically 90 minutes of a shirtless Taylor Lautner. Luckily, Ashley Greene is really sexy so this post isn’t a total disappointment.

For the second weekend in a row, Tyler Perry’s Madea Goes to Jail has won out at the box office with $16.9 million, proving that white people really do like his movies. And, according to the numbers, they like them a lot more than they like those youth-grouping 3-D Jonas’s, who disappointed on week two with a pussified $12.7 million.

Looks like Tyler Perry is almost to the bottom of his life checklist:

1.) Stop being homeless. CHECK.

2.) Include my entire name in the title of everything I do until I get that respect. CHECK.

3.) Get that respect. CHECK.

4.) Take my name off of everything I do ’cause I got that respect.

Almost there, TP. Almost.

(Incidentally, that checklist is called Tyler Perry’s Life Checklist.)

Beverly Hills Chihuahua took first place at the box office for the second week in a row suffering only a 40% drop from its opening week. The talking dog movie featuring, um, talking dogs unexpectedly felled Leonardo DiCaprio and Russel Crowe’s Body of Lies which only managed to take in $13.1 million, not even good enough for second place. The horror movie Quarantine took that spot with $14.2 million. Opening tenth was City of Ember a Bill Murray kid’s film about something or other.

This must suck for DiCaprio, Crowe and Ridley Scott. Getting a $70 million budget for their movie only to be humiliated by CGI manipulated dogs. I heard Crowe was so pissed he beat a couple chihuahuas senseless with a telephone. Some people call him an animal abuser. Others like to think he’s just passionate.

Following up on Pajiba’s review of “Beverly Hills Chihuahua” (try to guess if they liked it), Box Office Mojo says that it was number one over the weekend. Going up against other new releases like “Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist” and “Blindness,” it managed to best them and make $29 million. $12 million more than last week’s number one, “Eagle Eye”. No small feat considering the trailer looked absolutely horrible. Like, if you bleached your brain, you still wouldn’t forget how horrible it is. It would make even the most enthusiastic chihuahua lover kick one out of spite.

“Nick and Norah” came in third. Possibly because people have finally realized they can’t relate to these “Juno” type comedies. Honest to blog.

“Blindness” opened up in 12th place. There were reports that the blind were going to protest this movie, but I don’t think that’s what affected their numbers as I’m pretty sure, unbeknownst to them, they were redirected towards the Scientology building.

As expected, Iron Man, currently at 94% on Rotten Tomatoes, dominated the box office over the weekend raking in $104.2 million to become the second-best premiere ever for a nonsequel. This was also the first release by Marvel Studios without the backing of major studios. Which goes to show Spider-Man may have sucked far less had this happened earlier. They should have screwed the franchise more by making Peter Parker gay and then having him anal raped by Venom. It couldn’t have been more fruity than that dance number. Trailing behind Iron Man was Made of Honor earning a relatively low $15.5 million. And behind that… eh, who cares.

Last week I picked 10,000 B.C. to take the top spot at the box office. Turns out I was right. My other picks, however, were all wrong. The movie-going public proved that CGI woolly mammoths will always be a huge draw no matter how crappy the movie and Martin Lawrence will always be popular despite a total lack of originality or humor in each of his movies. The numbers as decided by the public.

1. 10,000 B.C. – $35,730,00
2. College Road Trip – $14,000,000
3. Vantage Point – $7,500,000
4. Semi-Pro - $5,900,000
5. The Bank Job – $5,710,00
6. The Spiderwick Chronicles – $4,800,000
7. The Other Boleyn Girl - $4,000,000
8. Jumper - $3,750,000
9. Step Up 2 the Streets – $3,049,000
10. Fool’s Gold – $2,800,000

In the spirit of Maxim magazine giving both the Black Crowes and Nas’ new albums 2 1/2 stars after only listening to one song, I thought it would be appropriate to predict the weekend box office and star ratings of this week’s new releases based on the trailer.

Name: The Bank Job
Rating/Position: 2 1/2 stars, Opens at #2
Synopsis: A car dealer with a dodgy past and new family, Terry has always avoided major-league scams. But when Martine, a beautiful model from his old neighborhood, offers him a lead on a foolproof bank hit on London’s Baker Street, Terry recognizes the opportunity of a lifetime. Martine targets a roomful of safe deposit boxes worth millions in cash and jewelry. But Terry and his crew don’t realize the boxes also contain a treasure trove of dirty secrets – secrets that will thrust them into a deadly web of corruption and illicit scandal that spans London’s criminal underworld, the highest echelons of the British government, and the Royal Family itself. [Trailer]
Reason: Jason Stathman steals things. Shoots guns. Nudity possible. A recipe for success!

Name: 10,000 B.C.
Rating/Position: 2 stars, Opens at #1
Synopsis: A prehistoric epic that follows a young mammoth hunter’s journey through uncharted territory to secure the future of his tribe. [Trailer]
Reason: Big f’n Woolly Mammoths.

Name: College Road Trip
Rating/Position: 1  1/2 stars. Opens at #4
Synopsis: When an overachieving high school student decides to travel around the country to choose the perfect college, her overprotective cop father also decides to accompany her in order to keep her on the straight and narrow. [Trailer]
Reason: Martin Lawrence doing stupid Martin Lawrence things. Plus, this thing looks stupid.

Name: CJ7
Rating/Position: 2 1/2 stars. Opens at #7
Synopsis: A poor Chinese laborer learns important lessons after his son gets a strange new toy. [Trailer]
Reason: Stephen Chow is gold. Except, I have no idea what’s going on in this movie.

Name: Snow Angels
Rating/Position: 3 stars, Opens at #5
Synopsis: A drama that interweaves the life of a teenager, with his old baby sitter, her estranged husband, and their daughter. [Trailer]
Reason: Kate Beckinsale is hot. I want to do her.

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer earned $57 million over the weekend dropping Ocean’s 13 to second place at the box office, but barely managed to squeak by its predecessor’s $56.1 million opening two years ago. The dark horse comedy Knocked Up stayed steady in third while last week’s other wide release, Nancy Drew, came in seventh earning a meager $7.1 million.

Industry analysts are still puzzled why recent blockbusters aren’t holding their audiences. Chris Aronson, senior vice president for distribution at 20th Century Fox, doesn’t know why either, but he seems to have the solution. Chris says,

“A lot of the superhero comic-book movies are sort of geared toward being darker and edgier. We think Fantastic Four is a more family friendly group of superheroes. We wanted to make sure to cast a wide net and go after the family audience, and it worked.”

Next week, Fox releases the PG-13 version of the Die Hard sequel Live Free or Die Hard. Chris Aronson is expected to use the same quote replacing “superhero comic-book movies” with “action adventure sequels” and “pissing off movie-goers” with “clever marketing strategy”.

This weekend at the box office, Cars took the top spot with $62.8 million. Not a bad opening, but not that great either, especially when you compare it to other Pixar films of the past. They made near the same amount as Monsters Inc. did in 2001, but also back then tickets weren’t $10. The Break-Up took #2 with a 48% drop, which would mean even Vince Vaughn couldn’t save it. X-Men: The Last Stand dropped 54% to be #3. I’m not at all suprised since this would be Brett Ratner’s rape of a franchise. A Prairie Home Companion took in $4.7 million despite opening in only 760 theatres bringing it into the top 10 at #7.

I know you people don’t get out much, so here are some other tidbits for you.

• The trailer for Fearless, Jet Li’s last martial arts movie. Another older Fearless trailer from Rogue.
• Set pics and a video taken in New York of Spider-Man 3.
• Sir Paul McCartney’s wife Heather was in a German porn book before she lost her leg. Some pictures of Heather McCartney from the book.
• Shiloh was the name of Vince Vaughn’s imaginary friend in Wedding Crashers.
• Paris Hilton is still an idiot hitting other people’s cars and driving away.

X-Men took a huge dive at the box office taking in only $34.4 million as opposed to anything close to the $107 million they made during their opening weekend. That’s almost a 70% drop in sales which sends a clear message. Why would people watch it again with a rushed story, characters that weren’t developed enough and somewhat cheesy dialogue.

This gave way for The Break-Up to take the #1 spot with $38.1 million. Sure, the movie got slammed, but I went to see it anyway (for you guys, really!). It wasn’t that bad. Predictable at times and Vince Vaughn not always on, but he still had great deliveries, especiailly with Jon Favreau. Suprisingly, the story didn’t end up where you’d think it would. Notice I didn’t mention Jennifer Aniston. She didn’t do much for me besides showing her ass, at the 57 minute mark for the 2 of you that think she’s hot, which still didn’t do much for me.

I haven’t been to the movies in a while, but $10 for tickets? Why not just rape me and have me say thank you while I’m sobbing. At least Mastercard was running a 2 for $11 promotion.