In a Vanity Fair interview, supermodel Gisele Bundchen, speaking about Tom Brady’s child he had with his ex, proclaimed: “I understand that he has a mom, and I respect that, but to me it’s not like because somebody else delivered him, that’s not my child. I feel it is, 100 percent.” Turns out women don’t like it when you claim their baby is 100% yours. While Bridget Moynahan, the real mother, is staying quiet, a friend says:

“Don’t you think Jack will grow up and read her comments and find them disrespectful to him and his mother? If Tom is such a great father as everyone likes to say, then you would think that he’d respect the privacy of his young child and would ask his wife not to use his son as a publicity prop and a subject of public discussion. Is she is so desperate for attention that she can’t find anything more productive to talk about other than Bridget’s child?”

Her friend also added: “Hey Gisele — real mothers don’t call their kids ‘it.’ ”

Whatever. I think Jack will be happy having a fake supermodel mom. It’ll be great being revered as a god at school. The only awkward part about it is if Gisele catches him masturbating to an old photoshoot of hers. He won’t really be able to explain that one away. The best he’d be able to come up with is, “Uh, wrong page.”

Gisele Bundchen has already stolen Tom Brady from Bridget Moynahan who he dumped after getting pregnant. Now, Gisele, having never even met Bridget, will be stealing her baby, Jack, as well. In a recent interview with Vanity Fair, Gisele says:

“I understand that he has a mom, and I respect that, but to me it’s not like because somebody else delivered him, that’s not my child. I feel it is, 100 percent,” Gisele says. “I want him to have a great relationship with his mom, because that’s important, but I love him the same way as if he were mine. I already feel like he’s my son, from the first day.”

This would sort of be like invading a country then salting their fields and raping their women. The only thing left for Gisele to take from Bridget at this point is her dignity and, rest assured, she’s whittling away at that as we speak. By this time next week, Bridget will just be an empty husk of a person cradling a dirty pile of underwear she’s crafted to resemble her baby.

When Tom Brady ordered baby clothes for his and Bridget Moynahan’s baby girl, a separate $1,000 gift basket from current girlfriend Gisele Bundchen accompanied it. Included in Gisele’s order from Petit Tresor was a “onesie” with “supermodel” written across it.

A reminder of who your ex-boyfriend / father of your baby left you for is always a good gift. I think Gisele’s next gift should be naked pictures of herself made into a mobile. And in each picture will be a big, red circle around her abs. Also, in capital letters up top it should read, “Ha ha. Fuck you,” with little hearts around it. Because babies like cute stuff and little hearts are the cutest.

Tom Brady and Bridget Moynahan dated for three years until Tom broke it off and started banging Gisele Bundchen leaving Bridget barefoot and pregnant. Suffice to say, there’s some ill will between the two. Last week, Moynahan gave birth, but being still upset at the New England Patriots QB, she only let him to see the baby for a short time and would not be in the same room with him. Bridget even gave the baby her last name.

“[Tom] is waiting to find out when he can see the little guy again,” says the snitch. “Bridget is not giving him any slack on this at all.”

It sounds like if you leave a model pregnant with your illegitimate child to go bang a non-pregnant supermodel you get all sorts of gruff. Sheesh. Models want it all don’t they. That’s why I only have sex with pictures of models I tear out from library magazines. It’s less complicated.

Bridget Moynahan gave birth Wednesday to a healthy baby boy in LA. This is her and ex-boyfriend Tom Brady’s first child. The New England Patriots quarterback called it is a “very joyous, happy situation.” Translation: “God damnit.”

Tom Brady and Bridget Moynahan separated after three years in December. He is currently dating Gisele Bundchen who, earlier this year, was also rumored to be pregnant although those claims were proven false.

There’s no word on whether or not unresolved issues exist between the two models. I hope there are and that they decide to settle their differences in the octagon. The octagon of chocolate pudding.

Tom Brady’s friends aren’t happy ex-girlfriend Bridget Moynahan announced her pregnancy via Page Six. They claim she never bothered to inform Brady she was going public. Others say Bridget’s timing is suspicious.

Some say that Moynahan, three months expectant with her first child, “may have gotten pregnant on purpose. She is 36, wanted a baby, and Tom was dumping her. It’s a little suspicious.” But a friend of Moynahan said, “Please. They dated for three years and they broke up in December – right around the time he found out she was pregnant and he immediately started dating Gisele Bundchen. Who’s the gross one here?”

Meanwhile, Tom Brady is in Paris with Gisele Bundchen. Gisele has gained enough weight, 14 lbs, to be allowed to walk in the Dolce & Gabbana show. Evidently, Tom Brady’s goal in life is to make models so fat and ugly that when he’s through with them, they’ll just be a broken pudgy mess. Well played Tom.

Tom Brady, New England Patriots quarterback, pretty person dater guy, broke it off with model Bridget Moynahan in December and moved on to supermodel Gisele Bundchen. But guess what? Bridget Moynahan is three months pregnant with Tom Brady’s bastard child. Surprise! Tom Brady is such a lady killer. The only supermodels I’ve shared my seed with come to my mailbox just once a month.