Susan Boyle made her return to Britain’s Got Talent looking a lot less frumpy. She sang something from Cats and of course everyone was amazed because that sound coming from her voice shouldn’t be coming from someone that looks like her. If this was Megan Fox, Simon Cowell would be whacking off while that girl judge would be seething with envy.

Kelly Brook is “beside herself” today after she was fired from her job as a judge on Britain’s Got Talent having spent only six days on the panel. Megatits, as I’ve taken to calling her, was given the news by her publicist on her way back from Milan.

‘She feels it is very unfair to do this to her after such a short time as she was just getting into the swing of things.

‘She started off a bit shakey but she was getting better towards the end of the Manchester auditions.’

Show bosses claimed the reason Kelly was dropped was because it didn’t work having four judges.

Cowell said in a statement: ‘I have genuinely enjoyed working with Kelly, she is absolutely lovely and a complete professional.”

Simon made sure to add that Kelly was a consummate professional, but said four judges simply didn’t work and only complicated things. I could have told them that. It’s really distracting having someone like Kelly Brook as a judge. I find it’s harder to concentrate on the acts when you’re constantly imagining your parents naked so you won’t get an erection.