For almost four years now, Britney Spears’ dad, Jamie, has had full control of her personal and financial affairs. Since then, Britney has come back from the brink of crazy and showed everyone she’s somewhat sane. So, before her wedding to Jason Trawick, her dad has decided to give Britney the present of full autonomy.

“Jamie wants to go to court in early February so Britney will be a free woman in every sense when she marries.” SF Gate

You know how when you leave kids alone in the house for the first time, you come back to find them sprawled on the floor clutching their stomachs because they polished off an entire carton of ice cream? Coincidentally, Christina Aguilera calls that Saturday but, yea, that’s pretty much exactly what’s going to happen here.

Where one marriage fails, another one begins. Proving the rumors true, Britney Spears and Jason Trawick got engaged last week at his 40th birthday party at Planet Hollywood.

Spears, donning a short, nude Herve Leger dress, stepped out a few hours later and revealed her highly-anticipated Neil Lane sparkler during a congratulatory welcome on the hotel’s mezzanine. Planet Hollywood Chairman Robert Earl presented Trawick with an oversized birthday cake in a quick ceremony.

“She wanted it to be quick because her kids where upstairs and she wanted to put them to bed,” a source told PEOPLE.

Following the celebration, the duo stopped in at Sugar Factory’s Chocolate Lounge where they shared a turkey burger and a club sandwich in a room closed off to the public to give the couple privacy. A line of waiters where later seen bringing a tray of cupcakes and a large sundae of ice cream covered in sprinkles. [ed. note: naturally]

Old Britney was way more fun. Old Britney would have taken a handful of that cake, shoved it in her mouth and then paraded around Planet Hollywood with a chocolate-smeared face asking if anyone would want to exchange outfits with her. New Britney is boring. New Britney just ends the night at shoving a handful of cake in her mouth.

According to multiple sources, Britney Spears is getting engaged to Jason Trawick tonight. In Las Vegas. And Britney already knows. Wait, wouldn’t that mean they’re already engaged if Britney knows? Being a celebrity with a conservatorship is so confusing.

Sources say Britney’s conservators have given their stamp of approval. The matter will go before the judge in the conservatorship case but it’s virtually certain Brit will get the judge’s sign off.

And we’re told … Jason did it the old fashioned way … by asking Britney’s dad, Jamie Spears, for permission to marry his daughter.

And they’re also doing it the new-fashioned way … we’ve learned there WILL be a prenup. TMZ

If I didn’t know who Britney was and didn’t know she bastes turkeys with $100 bills, this would be a red flag. It’s almost never a good sign when you ask a girl to marry you and she says she first has to make sure the courts deem her mentally fit to say yes.

Britney Spears performed the final concert of her Femme Fatale tour in Puerto Rico Saturday night. To mark the occasion, she gave Pauly D of Jersey Shore a lap dance or, rather, what appeared to be a lap dance. The jury’s still out on what this actually is. Out of context, it looks like when your mom gets really drunk and tries to seduce your friend but ends up vomiting in their lap.

Britney Spears subsists on a steady diet of fraps and processed foods. Basically anything that will stain her fingers orange. So when her trainer, Derek DeGrazio, tried to make her go on a diet, he was understandably fired.

“It was amicable,” says an insider to In Touch. Britney, 30, doesn’t want to worry about every single thing that goes into her mouth anymore. “She knows Jason loves her no matter what and he has encouraged her not to stress about it.” Adds the insider, “But Derek felt Britney made him look bad when she cheated on her diet.” In Touch

It must have been frustrating for Derek as well. Not just Britney cheating on her diet but every time he put a stalk of celery or steamed broccoli in front of her, she would get all dramatic and hiss and slink away.

Rumor has it that Jason Trawick, Britney Spears’ new piece, is planning on proposing to her in the near future. He’s been spotted shopping for rings at several celebrity jewelers including Tiffany and Harry Winston looking for the perfect rock that would go around Britney’s pudgy little fingers.

An insider tells Radar, “Don’t expect anything too massive or obnoxious. This ring will be classy and under 4-carats.” Another source sort of confirms the plan saying Britney and Jason talk about marriage all the time. “Britney is truly in love with Jason, and well, Jason has loved her for a very, very long time.”

Ever since peeping through her window, amirite? Anyway, as long as Jason doesn’t try to start a rap career, this should be good for Britney. Though I wonder what guests are going to eat at the wedding. I bet it’s going to be catered by Starbucks and KFC. Britney will spare no expense. “Your finest original recipe drumsticks, monsieur!”

Britney Spears performed at the O2 arena in London yesterday and she really needs to rethink this bikini top and short shorts combo. Maybe remove it completely from her concert. At least until her trainer doesn’t jump back and cringe in horror anymore.

If you’re wondering how the hell this happened, just look at what she demanded on her rider.

According to sources on the tour, Britney asked for portions of fish and chips and 100 figs and prunes.
Insiders have also claimed that the singer requested a photo of Princess Diana backstage at her UK gigs.
‘Britney adores the monarchy, Diana was in many ways her inspiration. Also, she doesn’t count calories when she’s in Britain,’ said the source.
Toothpaste and McDonald’s cheeseburgers minus the bread rolls were also part of her rider before she performed at London’s The O2 last night. Daily Mail

Britney Spears doesn’t count calories in Britain because they’re on the metric system and that confuses her.

Britney Spears is in trouble after filming an armed robbery-themed video for Criminal in Stoke Newington. The London borough constituency’s local government is chastising the shoot for its lawlessness and weapon-wielding after Britney ran around with a fake gun. Now they want an apology on top of this free publicity.

“I think she should apologize and make a sizeable donation to a Hackney charity that deals with young people…” Councillor Ian Rathbone, of the Hackney Council said (via Digital Spy) “for the rudeness and damage she’s done to this community.”

The Council itself told London Tonight, “In this case we did not agree that a replica gun could be used at Stoke Newington Town Hall and we are disappointed. We will be raising this matter with the production company.” — HuffPo

Oh no, a celebrity ran around the street with a fake gun. Everyone who watches this video, unable to separate reality from fiction, will now think Stoke Newington is a place of lawlessness where celebrities can go around robbing stores all willy nilly. Tourism will most likely go down by 50% after this. What are they going to do with just one tourist?!

Getting parenting advice from Britney Spears is like getting sober living advice from Lindsay Lohan. But MTV News asked Britney and, surprisingly enough, her advice wasn’t “more kids mean more free birthday dinners at Red Robin.”

Offering up her best piece of motherly advice, she tells MTV News, “Just embrace it (motherhood) fully… Do whatever you want to do.

“If you want to take two or three years off… because, you know, they (kids) grow so fast; it happens so fast. Just treasure the moments.” — MTV News via StarPulse

Missing was her telling Beyonce to shave her head and attack the paparazzi with an umbrella. It’s like she wants to have a monopoly on all the embarrassing celebrity parent stories peers will find out about and make fun of her kids for. That’s just not fair.

Britney Spears left her UK tour party at the Sanctum Hotel over the weekend in a short green dress. That little clothing fact is important because when she got out of the car, she flashed her pink panties, a marked improvement over last time when she just flashed her bald vagina. She’s finally keeping it classy.

And by great, I mean it looked terrible. The video below is allegedly the first cut of the music video for Britney Spears’ Gimme More, her first single from Blackout, which was shot during her mental breakdown.

The newest leak looks a lot like the old one. But in this one, Britney plays up the stripper theme by taking her chunky ass through the streets and showing more skin; covering her breasts with just stickers. Also, absent is blonde Britney.

Actually, both these videos are bad. If this was a baby, it’d have been thrown in the dumpster out behind the abortion clinic.

Britney Spears debuted her video for her latest single ‘I Wanna Go’ which features Guillermo from Weeds doing things that make no sense. For instance, he pours milk over his head while he’s driving Britney, who’s dressed like a modern day Road Warrior meets Michael Jackson by the way. I haven’t figured out if she’s Animal Jackson or Michael Hawk (Mike Hawk?). Also, the paparazzi turn into Terminators. It might be a commentary on how unforgiving, cold, calculated and heartless they are but really it just makes them look cool. How do I become one? Do I just need a camera or what?

Britney Spears kicked off her Femme Fatale tour in Sacramento, CA last night and it was alright, I guess. I wouldn’t know. I wasn’t there. I assume it’s not like the past as Britney’s lost a lot of luster after two kids and an endless buffet line. Her music has already been eclipsed by the likes of Lady Gaga, Ke$ha and Rebecca Black. I’m just impressed she doesn’t have a gut hanging over her costumes. That’s all anyone can ever ask for.