Ashlee Simpson-Wentz finally gave birth to a 7 lbs., 11 oz., baby boy on Thursday night. Of course, no celebrity baby can be considered a celebrity baby if it didn’t have a moronic name. So what nom de plume did Simpson and Pete Wentz curse their kid with, ensuring them a childhood full of beatings and repressed anger? Bronx Mowgli Wentz. That’s right, Mowgli from The Jungle Book.

At least his initials, BMW, are appropriate since he’s gonna be ridden hard from K to 12 and will probably break down after the second year. Bronx better get used to playing with dolls. They’re going to be his best friends for quite a while.